I give up.

[sathor]

Okay then. If I am as delusional and immature as everyone is now saying, then i don't deserve life.

So you know what? Cya. Maybe i'll stick around and live a dead life with depression or maybe i'll just end it sooner. Who really cares anyway? I sure as hell don't.

It's all real grand...depression sets in. Yay. You people should've just let everything fucking go instead of bitching about how i express myself.

I give up. I'm done caring about other people if when i express myself they take it like i am a self-centered little fucking brat.

Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Very High
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High


Yah, you're right jenn. I am fucked up.

Comments

[hav.livejournal.com]

Okay. See, here's the problem:

We do care about you, y'know. Thing is, you're never happy. Everyone gets tired of doomsayers after awhile, and now you can see that a lot of people now are, right?

Like I said before, you've got the power to change your life. Even acknowledging that you don't want to be friends with anyone at your school will make you feel a hell of a lot better. Go put your bored energy into something constructive, like a fiction story or summat.

Re:

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I'm never happy?
I've been happy all the fucking time lately.
Ally is the coolest girl i have met in a long long time, and i should be able to meet her pretty soon (She's moving to tidioute possibly near the end of march as well) She's likes a lot of the things i do minus RPGs and Books, but i could always get her started on those if i wanted.

Problem being jenn got pissed at me for expressing the way i felt about something she was gonna do (Keyword expressing, i wasn't saying she had to be like that, damnit) And now i'm depressed again. It's not her fucking fault, how the hell am i supposed to know how people will react to the way i am?

Anyway, i'm getting on EQ and starting my Bard alt. Sick of this. Maybe i'll find a cool group to chat with for a few hours.

Ally

[(Anonymous)]

hey-it's me!!! first: you arent delusional or immature-your only 15 and you are like soo far above that!! you need to take your own advice and not worry so much; just go have some fun!!! you do so deserve life. you are one of the reasons I am still here (besides i dont believe in suicide and some other ppl and just well me). I like you allot and you are one of the coolest guys I've met, you dont need to go killing yourself. I talked to my dad but we may not be able to go to my place in Akeley, cuz we are supposed to be out by the weekend...I'm trying to work it out!!!! You are NOT self centered-you think too much about others....and you arent a fucking BRAT!! i like you and find you interesting and if that really isn't enough for you then i guess your not gunna listen to me-but it would be nice if you did...

Ally(to hav)

[(Anonymous)]

Hey: Jake may not be the happiest person in the world and down most of the time, but that does not mean that he is NEVER happy and that no-one really cares anymore... I talk to Jake a lot and he seems fairly happy to me. He has his times-but come on!! Who doesn't? No-I'm not someone who is unhappy most of the time too-I'm a fairly hyper person but I deal with being depressed ALL day and then I talk to Jake. Life is NOT the best thing in the world and if expressing himself on here is helping then let him do it and don't say things like "after awhile people don't care anymore" or whatever. When someone has depression that is the WORST thing you could ever say. Sure-you can think I'm a bitch and your entitled to your opinion but so am I and i just stated it.(sorry jake-but i HAD to say something)

[jennb.livejournal.com]

First of all,

I DID NOT SAY YOU ARE DELUSIONAL.

Second of all,

I DID NOT SAY YOU ARE FUCKED UP.

What I did say was that I do NOT like it when people say things to me like "you better talk to me sometime this weekend, or i'll really be hurting." THAT is what I am annoyed about, that and you now misrepresenting what I said so you can feel justified in feeling depressed and having a fit over me being honest.

I will not be dictated to. There is a difference between expressing your opinion and making demands. You, dear child, were making demands, got reprimanded for being out right rude, are now essentially holding your breath until you turn blue, hoping someone will give you the reaction you want. Well, when I baby sit, I let the kid turn blue. I'll catch them when they fall from passing out, but it's not gonna hurt them, and they'll come to perfectly fine and knowing I don't respond to that kind of treatment.

Express yourself in any way you choose to Jake. If disproving the maturity I know you do possess is your thing, then have fun, knock yourself out.

But if you're going to be too thick headed to try to understand what it is I want to get across to you, then it's a shame, but ce le vis.

Re:

[sathor.livejournal.com]

The delusional and fucked up part are my own considerations actually. See, if you are right, than i was wrong to begin with, which would make me delusional...-shrugs-

Fucked up is because i am borderline and dependant.

And it's funny, everything that you are stating i was doing i considered to see if i WAS doing to begin with (Yes, i know all that shit about acting all depressed for attention and blah blah blah) the problem is I can't judge that kind of thing because either it's subconscious or maybe i'm just being too easy on myself.

I wasn't trying to blame anything on you, but I won't talk anymore if it's going to make things worse.

[jennb.livejournal.com]

Jake, are you actually taking seriously some bullshit online pseudo-psychiatric test?

You know better than that.

And quit with the circular logic.

Re:

[sathor.livejournal.com]

But everything IS a circle. Life and death and everything...there's a theory that's mine to hold.
All questions lead right back to the same place, once you go so far.

And heh, well, the borderline is semi right and dependant is very right. The rest i really i have no idea about.

Actually, borderline is kinda stupid, i just fear losing people, i can survive it (I survived cass)

See, i'm happy again. No worries in the world (And i now have a 37 Druid 11 Bard -giggles)

[hav.livejournal.com]

Few things.

One: Hi, Ally! I've heard nothing about you.

Two: Yes, I know One sounded bitchy. But see, that's my point. Whenever I speak with Jake, I don't hear about the good stuff. I don't hear about the normal stuff. All I hear about is "I'm depressed, nobody loves me, I wanna die." When you hear that enough, it's just like TV violence according to the U.S. Senate. You get desensitized.

Hi, I'm desensitized.

Three: Hi Jenn! C'est la vie! *cackle*

Four: Yes, I realize I'm being a total dick. But I'm in a good mood, today's me birthday. I'm also trying to get my point across.

Five: Jake, you do what you want to express yourself. But if you're going to get on our cases when we cease to respond, then we're going to do this dance again and I'm giving you fair warning well in advance of how I'm typically gonna handle it from now on. Sorry old chap, but I'd rather work all my problems through before trying to tackle other peoples(es). Compassion works great, but, well...doesn't seem like you've responded too well to it. Sorry.

[jennb.livejournal.com]

Hav, screw you :)

I failed French.

dork.

Re:

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I'm passing german right now i think...

Essen mich! -cackles-

Re:

[sathor.livejournal.com]

That's the part i don't get. If i don't respond to compassion than what the fuck do i respond too? How about nothing...maybe i'm just meant to be this way in my own living hell.

Ally

[(Anonymous)]

Hav- happy birthday(i think it's belated now....but happy birthday anyways) and i guess i get what your saying...i wasn't trying to fight or anything I just said what i wanted to. You can think what you want or believe what yuo want-it's your life. and jake if you dont respond to compassion then you need something else to make you happy too.

Re: Ally

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I have a feeling it's just text compassion that doesn't work. I'm sorry, but i'm not a great net empath, heh.

[hav.livejournal.com]

That could very well be. Y'see, when we're compassionate it didn't seem to fix much; you were still down. After awhile, I know I got tired of it and got angry. You responded to it. Granted, it wasn't in a way I could hope for, but when you piss someone off you don't expect to get money out of it.

Ally: Thanks! It's always fun when people give birthday wishes.

Jake, man, be happier around us when we talk to you on AIM and ICQ, 'kay? We just kinda hear the status quo, and I know I just start to gloss over it until I see something that pisses me off.

Ally

[(Anonymous)]

Hav: yep...no problem

Jake: with me/ right now it can only be text compassion or phone cuz I haven't met you. My dads giving up the house in Akeley,so I'm afraid the only places to meet are the mall, rink, or just somewhere downtown... Derek said he thinks you should just come and hang out this Friday(after school). But then...you gotta go home-of course you could go to shanes? I have allot to talk to you about-it isnt even 8 ahhh!!! I gotta wait over an hour....-well ttyl8a!!!