The Experience
Jan. 3rd, 2004 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorWarning to all, I could quite possibly sound insane explaining this...as #1 it is very hard to explain with words, and #2 it's something that not everyone is going to experience in life. So deal with it. If you don't want to know what my trip was like, don't read the lj-cut. However, if you want to hear about a very interesting experience, go right ahead. Because it is interesting, and quite cool. However, I won't be doing it again for a long time. I agree with the guy who wrote a faq on erowid about them on how one should only experience the divinity of it a few times a year. And because of that, I now feel like I have abused marijuana as well for far too long, so I am going to stop buying for a long time
But, after finally experiencing what can really truly be called a trip, I don't really believe drugs are useful for spiritual experiences...at all. Maybe if I get more experienced in time I'll be capable of handling it...but who knows.
I think you can learn valuable lessons while on them, glimpses of insight and the like...but it's nearly impossible to truly decide where you want to go. The mushrooms carried me where they wanted me to be...there isn't much more to say spiritually on the subject.
I figured out that I'm comparing myself to society far too much, but that was basically the only useful lesson learned. Beyond that, the only thing spiritual I had was the walk outside in the misty field and forest. I had been on the shrooms for about three hours inside when I finally decided to go on that walk...and all I could think when I went outside was green...everything felt green. Also...wide open spaces were really frightening, so I was somewhat scared when I went out there. It was like I had been sheltered the whole time from the world and when I finally stepped out I felt as though I knew nothing, and was a very tiny speck of dust in the multiverse. And yeah, my sensory perception was very muddled, senses were mixing and matching, I could feel music, I even felt like the music was being imprinted on me as a being at one point...but music wasn't the strangest part of the experience, oh no.
When I was tripping, I wrote a text file about how I was feeling so I could at least recall it afterwards...and one line pretty much explained the entire ordeal, "It's like stepping past a door that leads to nowhere."
I wasn't having hardly any visuals while I was downstairs where my computer and basically all of my entertainment was at, so I decided to go lay down on the floor in my room and just stare and the ceiling...relax, think about how this is going, if it is doing anything for me...
And after a short period of time I was suddenly lost in the ocean that is my memories, my memories were being played before me like a movie in my mind and they would mix with fantasy realities created in the past or right then by my mind...I can't be sure...but while I was lost there, the visuals started to appear...my ceiling fan (which was turned off) started to swirl, get sucked into the ceiling...the walls would melt and reform. My entire visual perception was being mixed and molded and changed, it was almost like one of those hippy shows, they always show the 'trippy' stuff...well, that's really what it was like. Colors would change, and certain colors would make me 'feel' different. I could 'feel' like a color...Like how I felt green when i looked outside and then went outside right after.
It wasn't really frightening though. You'd figure with walls melting and even some visuals almost like blood dripping and running, it's be scary...but it wasn't. I was very calm and quite happy, smiling and giggling/laughing much of the time. I did think to myself a couple times that I might end up insane from this but I believe I figured it was worth it to experience such a reality as that. At one point I looked over near the attic door and I saw two colors flashing, one red, to the lower left, one blue to the upper right, and they were flashing in and out towards me...I laughed and said, "Colors attacking." Don't ask, because I don't know why. (I normally talk to myself so it's okay, don't worry about it ;))
There are specific visuals I remember more vividly than anything else, and I'm not sure why. The very first ones I had was the live tree in our living room blinking at me (it wasn't really blinking...that was just the first word that came to mind to describe it when it happened...it was more like a part of it blurring and then coming back into focus) And then right next to there a drop of water dripped off of a shadow...then, I took a drink of water and I watched the way it moved as i tipped it up, and it seemed like the entire liquid shuddered...I broke into a laughing frenzy after that.
The last visuals I remember the most was the bear in the forest (I saw him for a moment, sitting on the path I always use to walk to my little 'grove' area...I wasn't going to walk there, but I decided to after seeing him) and when I was sitting in my room (literally like a madman...I had my back against the wall, knees basically up to my chest, and I was nodding my head to a distant rhythm) part of a metal piece on my bed started to melt and float upwards. It was so wicked looking, and then it sorta turned hot pink i think...hmm...
But...that about wraps that up. A totally strange and crazy experience, with only a couple important lessons learned. One of them that drugs aren't going to lead to enlightenment.
The end.
But, after finally experiencing what can really truly be called a trip, I don't really believe drugs are useful for spiritual experiences...at all. Maybe if I get more experienced in time I'll be capable of handling it...but who knows.
I think you can learn valuable lessons while on them, glimpses of insight and the like...but it's nearly impossible to truly decide where you want to go. The mushrooms carried me where they wanted me to be...there isn't much more to say spiritually on the subject.
I figured out that I'm comparing myself to society far too much, but that was basically the only useful lesson learned. Beyond that, the only thing spiritual I had was the walk outside in the misty field and forest. I had been on the shrooms for about three hours inside when I finally decided to go on that walk...and all I could think when I went outside was green...everything felt green. Also...wide open spaces were really frightening, so I was somewhat scared when I went out there. It was like I had been sheltered the whole time from the world and when I finally stepped out I felt as though I knew nothing, and was a very tiny speck of dust in the multiverse. And yeah, my sensory perception was very muddled, senses were mixing and matching, I could feel music, I even felt like the music was being imprinted on me as a being at one point...but music wasn't the strangest part of the experience, oh no.
When I was tripping, I wrote a text file about how I was feeling so I could at least recall it afterwards...and one line pretty much explained the entire ordeal, "It's like stepping past a door that leads to nowhere."
I wasn't having hardly any visuals while I was downstairs where my computer and basically all of my entertainment was at, so I decided to go lay down on the floor in my room and just stare and the ceiling...relax, think about how this is going, if it is doing anything for me...
And after a short period of time I was suddenly lost in the ocean that is my memories, my memories were being played before me like a movie in my mind and they would mix with fantasy realities created in the past or right then by my mind...I can't be sure...but while I was lost there, the visuals started to appear...my ceiling fan (which was turned off) started to swirl, get sucked into the ceiling...the walls would melt and reform. My entire visual perception was being mixed and molded and changed, it was almost like one of those hippy shows, they always show the 'trippy' stuff...well, that's really what it was like. Colors would change, and certain colors would make me 'feel' different. I could 'feel' like a color...Like how I felt green when i looked outside and then went outside right after.
It wasn't really frightening though. You'd figure with walls melting and even some visuals almost like blood dripping and running, it's be scary...but it wasn't. I was very calm and quite happy, smiling and giggling/laughing much of the time. I did think to myself a couple times that I might end up insane from this but I believe I figured it was worth it to experience such a reality as that. At one point I looked over near the attic door and I saw two colors flashing, one red, to the lower left, one blue to the upper right, and they were flashing in and out towards me...I laughed and said, "Colors attacking." Don't ask, because I don't know why. (I normally talk to myself so it's okay, don't worry about it ;))
There are specific visuals I remember more vividly than anything else, and I'm not sure why. The very first ones I had was the live tree in our living room blinking at me (it wasn't really blinking...that was just the first word that came to mind to describe it when it happened...it was more like a part of it blurring and then coming back into focus) And then right next to there a drop of water dripped off of a shadow...then, I took a drink of water and I watched the way it moved as i tipped it up, and it seemed like the entire liquid shuddered...I broke into a laughing frenzy after that.
The last visuals I remember the most was the bear in the forest (I saw him for a moment, sitting on the path I always use to walk to my little 'grove' area...I wasn't going to walk there, but I decided to after seeing him) and when I was sitting in my room (literally like a madman...I had my back against the wall, knees basically up to my chest, and I was nodding my head to a distant rhythm) part of a metal piece on my bed started to melt and float upwards. It was so wicked looking, and then it sorta turned hot pink i think...hmm...
But...that about wraps that up. A totally strange and crazy experience, with only a couple important lessons learned. One of them that drugs aren't going to lead to enlightenment.
The end.
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-03 10:38 am (UTC)Email me.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-03 11:41 am (UTC)I'm glad you came to that conclusion. Very glad.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-03 02:51 pm (UTC)they're best, in my opinion, as a tool/helping.
i don't think that they can be particularly useful unless you are apprenticed to a shaman/mystic of some sort.
but, this is just my opinion, and i don't use them in that fashion these days.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-04 09:43 am (UTC)one thing i always hated about dreams were how "not there" they are.
I remember certain things about my dreams, but never as if seeing a movie.
so what appeals me to euphoria enducing drugs and hallucinations is if my dreams can become real. as if im watching a movie and really experiencing it right there. that'd be totally awesome.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-04 11:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-06 01:07 am (UTC)When going into trance, I get a moment of vertigo as I thrust myself over the edge into an altered state of consciousness. At first, I thought that random dizzy spells were brought on by certain drumming, or by singing, or dancing... I even had an inner ear infection, which didn't make life any easier. Because slipping and falling for lack of balance feels exactly the same as slipping and falling into Posession.
In recent months...the last year or so, I realized what I was feeling, and when I felt it. And now, I get overly paranoid when I start getting dizzy. I did a ritual with
Each type of Trance gives me a different high... Freyr makes me touchy-feely. The Baron makes me very dark and brooding...and afterwards, I want to hurt myself to make sure I can still feel it... Sharp sensation is important because it reminds me which is the physical body. Seidr made me high... *shrugs*
When I did acid, I felt exactly like I do when I'm /about/ to slip into trance. For almost 12 hours. And then I felt like my body hated me. Which it probably did. The opiate-derived pain killer made me calm, and relaxed... And oriented towards physical sensation. Not just pain. But painw as important.
I don't do weed... And I rarely drink.
*shrugs* The point of the matter is that Trance does not require drugs. Drugs don't, often, enhance trance. Magic in general requires concentration. And to litter your thoughts with chemical "enhancements" puts a damper between you and it. And it prevents you from seeing what you ought to see.
I'm glad you agree that drugs won't bring enlightenment... *shrugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-01-06 11:44 am (UTC)Of course drugs aren't going to lead to enlightenment. Even if they can help you see or think about things differently, you still have to be ready to accept the step into everything. Which I did not accept. I was like a little kid who was in the largest city in the world with no one around that I knew...so I came back inside. Cryptic, but I won't explain.
I'm afraid a lot of the time that I've fallen out of where I once was at...I was at balance, I was at peace and most of all I felt truly loved by my goddess (No, I don't believe a name matters to me in this life...because a name is part of language, language is perception, and perception is different for every person.) If I call on the goddess, the one that I believe she is, I'm calling on the earth mother, brigid, danu etc...a nature goddess. If I call on the god, I call on cernunnos, the sky father. I use the god's name a lot, but I hardly use the goddess'...I guess I just feel much more comfortable and one with her when I don't use a name. I guess it's sorta like calling your mother 'mom' instead of her actual name. That means that I have a partially ruptured link with the god though, and I know I do, because it echoes in reality with me and my dad...I used to be really close to him and it faded away when I 'grew up'.
Don't know why I'm rambling but sorry.
Anyway, back to the point.
I guess you do the ritual thing, but I'm really just like someone who sits there and focuses (or unfocuses, or both, depending on what I want to do) I would do rituals like a real druid should, but I just feel like I don't know enough. I work chakras, beyond that, I heal people from afar a lot. That's my magick.
I guess I still have residual psion teachings in this brain o' mine. Of course, I never really saw rituals as important anyway, even when I first started looking into mysticism. I saw them as long and clumsy, and if one concentrated on the energies and getting them to achieve what they want, even asking gods or spirits for help, I felt that was a better way to do things. Ahh well.
I'm done rambling...sorry geoffy ;)
hey
Date: 2004-01-08 05:15 pm (UTC)i have heard of such things and when i used to do c3 it was like that minus the visuals. like i knew everything at once. Wanna know something funny? i can't trip.
Re: hey
Date: 2004-01-08 05:22 pm (UTC)Then again, you might've tried other hallucinogens and not tripped...and I'm not really telling you to trip, that's your choice :P
Haven't talked to you in a long time!