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[sathor]

This emptiness finds its expression in the whole form of existence, in the infiniteness of Time and Space as opposed to the finiteness of the individual in both; in the flitting present as the only manner of real existence; in the dependence and relativity of all things; in constantly Becoming without Being; in continually wishing without being satisfied; in an incessant thwarting of one’s efforts, which go to make up life, until victory is won. Time, and the transitoriness of all things, are merely the form under which the will to live, which as the thing-in-itself is imperishable, has revealed to Time the futility of its efforts. Time is that by which at every moment all things become as nothing in our hands, and thereby lose all their true value.

Arthur Schopenhauer

Here's another good one, from the same text:

"It may be said of man in general that, befooled by hope, he dances into the arms of death."

Comments

[sathor.livejournal.com]

It's actually kinda funny your friend compared Schopenhauer to Eeyore - I can't remember what girl from my past did the same to me, but she did. I always found it pretty annoying, if not infuriating. Heh.

Depression is a more serious thing than that. I can't easily explain the differences in my mental state from before and now, but there definitely are some. Of course there's also the concern that I'll find myself feeling similarly in the next job I take...which would be a recurring theme. I worry about that mostly because I've never had a job that kept me engaged for much longer than a year at a time. After I lose engagement, I lose most of my will to keep punching in.

I can't say for sure whether I fully trust in Buddhism or any other religion at this point...but my experiences with meditation, from Buddhist teachings, lead me to believe there's something to it. What that is, who knows. I used to have the most intense experiences while meditating - my entire body, every atom, would feel like it was vibrating, on the verge of something like what some claim astral projection is supposed to be, although I never really felt I was going to go anywhere or see anything - it's actually more or less beyond words. Not a divine experience like what people might feel in prayer, but something else. There was no sensation of the divine...just a deep, full vibration. Not sure you have any experience with that or could shine any light on it - I've never been able to. I always felt that if I could push the vibrations a bit deeper and a bit further, I'd breach some important wall, or point...never quite did, though. I can recall a similar "almost breaching" sensation on psychedelics.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

In all honesty, I don't remember enough about Schopenhauer to say to what extent I think he's like Eeeyore. That wasn't a comparison that sprang to my mind back when I actually read him, because I didn't read A.A. Milne's books until long after that.

" Of course there's also the concern that I'll find myself feeling similarly in the next job I take...which would be a recurring theme."

Hopefully by now you have enough insight into the causes of your emotional states to prevent that from happening. If you 'find yourself' feeling similarly, it'll be because you didn't pay attention to the process of little-by-little talking yourself into feeling that way.

It seems as though none of the jobs you held in the past were worth your engagement. You weren't learning anything useful or interesting, nor did you have any opportunity for advancement; most of the things you did, a robot could have done as well. Not to swell your head, young Jedi, but you are capable of so much more. Obviously you're never going to be content in a dead-end no-brainer job, regardless of how comfortably it pays the bills.

Yes, I've experienced ecstatic states during meditation - both that 'about to break through' sensation, and the sensation of having broken through; trying hard to hold on to it and bring something back to 'ordinary reality'. There are a lot of ways to induce a lot of different varieties of trance-states, and they all boil down to 'interesting things one can do with one's brain'.

There is in truth no 'veil' one can breach. The veil is an illusion - one can see it/not see it/see it/not see it indefinitely, like that optical illusion of a duck one way, a rabbit the other.

Astral travel: I got quite good at it in my high school and college days, and genuinely believed I was leaving my body. However, in the course of my Initiatory training, I put it to the test, to try and determine if the information I brought back from 'traveling' was accurate. It wasn't. After a lot of experimentation, I hypothesized that so-called 'astral travel' is actually a trance-induction to activate the brain's lucid-dreaming program while one is not technically asleep. I'd love to see a brain-scan study test this hypothesis properly.