Some other thoughts

[sathor]

So, talking to a few other people about PUA brought up some points.

For one, in the PUA community, there's kind of a way about it that turns getting laid or getting relationships into equations. I'm not exactly looking at PUA like that. More or less, I'm looking at PUA as a way to work on my charisma. Ya know, physically, I'm not that bad off...being massive in frame has advantages, it's an automatic stand out.

But it's been my mentality for a long time that really axes my Cha score ;)

I think it's just -this place-. After all, I really did have some good conversations and met a lot of people when I was back at College...and that was a small, non-traditional one as well. It was also in a small town...I wouldn't call Jamestown a city, at all.

God, I can't wait to get out of here :) All of those dreams from my high school journal will be realized once that happens...and maybe that's exactly what I need.

I wonder how I'll feel about the entries from 2009 in 2012, after two more years of college?

Comments

[sendao.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure negativity is the only thing that's ever axed your charisma score. PUA and pretending to be something you're not may be good for your confidence, but so is taking a shit on the rest of humanity. *shrugs*

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not.

I want to learn to be extroverted and interested, and for that matter, I have to put into practice all of the Buddhist tenets and meditations I have come across over the years. If I don't talk to strangers, get to know them, show my love for them, how am I ever going to test my own righteousness?

I used to be really argumentative, really contrary. But what I really want to do is be understanding and loving. I'm sick of hating. Sick of it.

[chaos5023.livejournal.com]

I recommend this interesting review of a PUA book. Pay particular attention to the bits about the apparent emotional state of the masters in the field. If there are things you can meaningfully get out of it, go for it, but I think it's important not to lose sight of the fact that you're learning to be successful at artificial interactions that increase loneliness, not decrease it. I'd hate to see you become one of these guys trying to convince himself that of course he's happy because of all the hawwwt chicks he's fooled into fucking him lately.

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I don't want to fuck.

I want meaningful, emotionally involved relationships with people. That doesn't mean fucking - I reserve that for someone I want as a -mate-.

I have a very strong sense of love for people of the world...even though I disagree with them at times (and becoming more assertive seems to make me more attractive, tonight was awesome.)

I really want to be able to give back to people, you know? I want to be able to add something valuable to their lives. I think that's a worthy goal, and in some cases, you have to play by rules to do much of anything. Eventually, you can break them.

I'm glad you are agree somewhat...figured you would be.

You never told me what you thought of Angel

[chaos5023.livejournal.com]

Well, hell, of course I support all of that. Though as always I'm a bit more sex-positive (i.e. slutty) than you.

I'm sort of confused as to why you're looking to PUA guides for all that, though. As far as I've ever been able to tell, they have two levels: level 1 is how to actually talk to people instead of sitting in the corner nursing your beer and being emo, and level 2 is how to manipulate people, often by really vicious methods.

Surely you must be perceiving something in the whole PUA culture and attitude that I don't.

It took me a while to listen to Angel, and I'm afraid it's another mixed bag for me. I really like the overall structure and particularly the lead-in to the chorus, but the spotty-cutting-out thing is kind of annoying and the particular pitch of the ongoing right-side pulsing sound actually literally gives me a headache.

[sathor.livejournal.com]

Hmm, you're not the only person who complained about the right panned cut up sound. Some people liked it, some people didn't...it's always a mixed bag. But hey, isn't that the breaks? I'm more or less trying some different techniques to further the spectrum that's expressed in the music at the same time...full pans seem to allow for a lot more variation, but that sound in particular I'm not exactly happy with. I really like the song as a whole though, and the vocals are tolerable for the first time in what seems like ages...so it might be hard to scrap exactly.

I like the overall feel, yeah...I'm glad you did too. I'm trying to find a sound that might be worth keeping for an entire album.

The culture and attitude of PUA you are probably 100% correct about...however, I think by looking at my social interactions a bit more scientifically, I may be able to adjust the way I act to get more positive results. The only way I can do that is by starting to define what occurs in a cohesive manner (much the way PUA does) and changing what doesn't work, just like a scientist (a social scientist, as it were.)

Then again, I live in a shit hole surrounded by shitty people, so it's really no surprise I'm beginning to feel like I need some help fitting in. Maybe all these problems of mine will disappear when I leave here sometime later this year...one can hope, anyway.

Hey, maybe I wish I could be a bit sluttier...but unfortunately I may be stricken with something that doesn't allow me to justify that kind of behavior (and maybe more unfortunately, I'm aware of it...since a majority have HPV and have no idea.)

Well, that and the fact that I'm like the local outcast who nearly gets into bar fights over conversations regarding anarchism and US terrorism and the like. Combine that with the fact everything thinks I'm some kind of genius and you might grok why I live in an ivory tower.

[sathor.livejournal.com]

-everyone- thinks. And well, I don't mean -you- necessarily, but everyone around here seems to avoid certain subject matters with me. If I'm fucking average on the grand scale, I wonder what that says about Tidioute, Pennsylvania.

[chaos5023.livejournal.com]

If a "scientific" approach to social interaction empowers you, okay, go for it. Just don't get overly attached to it. Think of it as like a set of training wheels.

Re HPV: um... wear condoms?

You're certainly not average, but you do have a severe case of reasonably-sized-fish-in-teensy-weensy-pond syndrome.