I Never Make Resolutions
Dec. 31st, 2009 11:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorBut I think I have too.
So, here are my New Years Resolutions for 2009/2010
I will never smoke marijuana again until I am in a better life circumstance, and even then, it is questionable.
I am giving up cigarettes after this pack is gone. I have enough to last me through the ritual drinking tonight.
This will be my second New Years single. But the thing is, I'm not sure I really mind.
I had this dream the other day. It really made me think about a lot. As has the looking back on my high school journal entries.
I have been climbing for a very long time. In the dream, I was climbing this really steep mountain - it had a roadway, and it was more like a hill...grassy, very green and alive. I was climbing along the roadway...it was so steep in some places, I actually needed a rope to climb up.
As I was making my way up, people from my class in high school were coming down it - all in their cars.
There's some really deep metaphorical significance here to me. I think it means that my struggle is still going on. But most of the people I knew in high school...they've finished their college years and have settled down with a job, or whatever. I still have so many miles to go before I sleep.
But on the other hand, the climbing may have been symbolic of other things as well. Climbing up is a very deep mystical symbol to me...I used to use it a lot in meditation. I think it means that I am taking the right path. I really don't want a vehicle. I really don't want anything material any more.
But I think that my new years resolutions will be some of the final steps I need to take before I really reach the tranquility I have desired for so long. I feel twinges of it even now...a kind of return to who I was around the time I met Val...because the person I was then was a much more enlightened person than I am today.
I also really strongly believe in this Karras thing. Apparently the idea is that who you are determines the kind of people you meet - but the key is that you can change who you are. As long as I'm smoking marijuana, I'm going to meet other people who smoke it...and I don't really enjoy those kinds of people anymore. I want something different out of my life, and my final resolution is to make sure I take the steps this year to get there. I am not planning ahead, but I am going to start a journey.
So, here are my New Years Resolutions for 2009/2010
I will never smoke marijuana again until I am in a better life circumstance, and even then, it is questionable.
I am giving up cigarettes after this pack is gone. I have enough to last me through the ritual drinking tonight.
This will be my second New Years single. But the thing is, I'm not sure I really mind.
I had this dream the other day. It really made me think about a lot. As has the looking back on my high school journal entries.
I have been climbing for a very long time. In the dream, I was climbing this really steep mountain - it had a roadway, and it was more like a hill...grassy, very green and alive. I was climbing along the roadway...it was so steep in some places, I actually needed a rope to climb up.
As I was making my way up, people from my class in high school were coming down it - all in their cars.
There's some really deep metaphorical significance here to me. I think it means that my struggle is still going on. But most of the people I knew in high school...they've finished their college years and have settled down with a job, or whatever. I still have so many miles to go before I sleep.
But on the other hand, the climbing may have been symbolic of other things as well. Climbing up is a very deep mystical symbol to me...I used to use it a lot in meditation. I think it means that I am taking the right path. I really don't want a vehicle. I really don't want anything material any more.
But I think that my new years resolutions will be some of the final steps I need to take before I really reach the tranquility I have desired for so long. I feel twinges of it even now...a kind of return to who I was around the time I met Val...because the person I was then was a much more enlightened person than I am today.
I also really strongly believe in this Karras thing. Apparently the idea is that who you are determines the kind of people you meet - but the key is that you can change who you are. As long as I'm smoking marijuana, I'm going to meet other people who smoke it...and I don't really enjoy those kinds of people anymore. I want something different out of my life, and my final resolution is to make sure I take the steps this year to get there. I am not planning ahead, but I am going to start a journey.
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no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 09:53 pm (UTC)Am I really in fucking hell, or am I just a fucking misfit who people don't get along with?
You decide.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-01 03:24 pm (UTC)Fuck my preconceptions about who I am or what I appear to be to other people. I know better. People fucking love me. Even if sometimes people say shit about me they shouldn't, in the end, they are focusing their attention on -me-. They are exerting energy on -me-. And if they don't know me, they really have no idea. Learning this PUA stuff is going to give me the kind of edge I need to really connect wherever I go, and I'm going to need to do that to be an artist of any kind whatsoever, or a fucking philosopher for that matter. You can't be a philosopher if people don't start listening to how you think and perceive.
I appreciate you commenting. Hope things are going well with your baby - I read your post, halfway there huh :) I hope you are really excited!