sathor | I Never Make Resolutions

But I think I have too.

So, here are my New Years Resolutions for 2009/2010

I will never smoke marijuana again until I am in a better life circumstance, and even then, it is questionable.

I am giving up cigarettes after this pack is gone. I have enough to last me through the ritual drinking tonight.

This will be my second New Years single. But the thing is, I'm not sure I really mind.

I had this dream the other day. It really made me think about a lot. As has the looking back on my high school journal entries.

I have been climbing for a very long time. In the dream, I was climbing this really steep mountain - it had a roadway, and it was more like a hill...grassy, very green and alive. I was climbing along the roadway...it was so steep in some places, I actually needed a rope to climb up.

As I was making my way up, people from my class in high school were coming down it - all in their cars.

There's some really deep metaphorical significance here to me. I think it means that my struggle is still going on. But most of the people I knew in high school...they've finished their college years and have settled down with a job, or whatever. I still have so many miles to go before I sleep.

But on the other hand, the climbing may have been symbolic of other things as well. Climbing up is a very deep mystical symbol to me...I used to use it a lot in meditation. I think it means that I am taking the right path. I really don't want a vehicle. I really don't want anything material any more.

But I think that my new years resolutions will be some of the final steps I need to take before I really reach the tranquility I have desired for so long. I feel twinges of it even now...a kind of return to who I was around the time I met Val...because the person I was then was a much more enlightened person than I am today.

I also really strongly believe in this Karras thing. Apparently the idea is that who you are determines the kind of people you meet - but the key is that you can change who you are. As long as I'm smoking marijuana, I'm going to meet other people who smoke it...and I don't really enjoy those kinds of people anymore. I want something different out of my life, and my final resolution is to make sure I take the steps this year to get there. I am not planning ahead, but I am going to start a journey.