Nostalgia, or something

A thought occurred to me today that maybe I had been looking at a part of my past the wrong way. I think for the past seven years or so, I've been seeing it in a way that wasn't necessary - I always saw it as myself being far too inadequate, and that I had been the problem, and that I hadn't deserved her - whatever. I think a better way of looking at it, and a more accurate one, is that I was lucky enough to actually be with, at that point in time, the best looking girl I had ever known, and one I had been infatuated with since I was a barely a teenager. I'm not sure there's very many people who were that lucky. Certainly things could have been different, but they aren't. I guess I'm just glad I actually have that moment in time to myself.

I don't regret anything that happened between us. I'm not sorry for what I said or what I felt, because in those moments that is exactly how it was. Even with the knowledge and wisdom I have now, I couldn't go back and control it - and I think that what happened there was the first and maybe the hardest lesson regarding control. That I don't control you, or anyone, and never will, and that I have to accept reality for what it is, even if it is chaotic and unpredictable at times.