Sep. 20th, 2014

sathor: (Default)
Yesterday after work I had to head up to my aunt and uncle's, where I'm now residing for the next week. Just me and three dogs here - they, and a good portion of the extended family, went on vacation to Topsail Island, NC. I would have liked to go, but no vacation left for me - it has been years since I have been in a warm ocean, and the sea is a very healing thing, in my opinion - but it will have to wait.

The first night here was actually rather depressing. I've become acutely aware of how awful it can be to live alone - I had once thought it could be really awesome, but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe if I had things arranged more appropriately it would be, but still - it makes me very aware of my self, that's for sure.

Strange happenings - a lady from Olean contacted me on a dating website. She's quite attractive and two years younger than myself - but what really has blown my mind (and I'm rather positive, hers as well) is how great our phone conversations have been. She's widely read, articulate, and deep - and her profile didn't indicate this at all...it's completely random that we even started talking as she was very apprehensive about even answering my messages on there! She has such a unique, fresh perspective on life, and we have...well, quite a bit in common. Of course we haven't met yet, and we're still learning about each other - the "honeymoon" phase could end any time. But being that every phone conversation we've had so far has been over an hour, something is going right. I'm making no assumptions about whether we'll go beyond friends or not...it's frankly just a breath of fresh air to hear a voice like that, coming up with all sorts of amazing things to talk about. She seems to have an interest in the "not supernatural" too..and has a very down to earth perspective on it. I fancy her very much - I tried to work out meeting this weekend, only to have her apologize about turning me down on it because she was nervous (I really didn't expect her to be) and also, today, she told me that she feels like she's been talking to me for a lot longer than just a week...and I agree. There's something very mystical about this whole deal, but I know better than to expect anything. It's just SO NICE to talk to her. That's all. I've been having to deal with a lot of my own power and control addictions in my dealings with her, because my emotions have gotten incredibly out of hand. I've /never/ felt such a strong connection with anyone so quickly, and I know better than to rush anything. But this learning process is important and I know that - these are issues left over from prior relationships, and if I don't quell them it will screw the whole damn thing up.

I feel a little more centered now, but I'm still somewhat down. It's even more lonely up here - and I'm still "out" in the middle of nowhere. Not like Cordova where I could walk to a bar or around town without driving. I've been playing a lot of acoustic guitar and reading :) Hopefully I survive the week!

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sathor

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