Broken Piano?

The frequency of my dreams has been pretty high lately...twas no exception, tonight. Actually this one is disturbing for some reasons quite different than others in the past days. I'd like to consider the metaphorical nature, but I'm not quite sure I can...

Basically I went to spend some time with Eric, and brought my keyboard with me. He had the same crappy RCA piano that I had when I was younger, I remember in the dream sitting there and staring at it for a long time, considering what I should play...I even remembered my favorite preset. Eric suggested a different one, and I tried it...played something that they called, "Star Trek" esque, and then added to that...which I thought had parallel chords. Eric disagreed. I'm pretty sure they were, actually.

Well, I brought my keyboard out and sat it down, and played on it for awhile. Eventually I decided it'd be a good idea to move it so I could play it more comfortably (positioning is important, ya know...) and when I picked it up, it broke in half and flew into a million pieces. I spent the rest of the dream trying to piece it back together. There was someone else there - somebody who went by the name Joseph - and he was really good. Concert pianist good. In any case, after a bit of showing off he asked me if I was actually able to play anything "good." With my piano broken, unfortunately, it wasn't going to happen...Eric tried to come to my defense, but I denied him and said, "No, I can't really play like you can." Joseph said, "Not everyone can do it." Eric added to that, "You could always run sound for us." I said, "It'll be a few months but, I'll have a Korg by then..."

Frantically I tried to piece it back together...and eventually I did...but when I finished putting the last piece into the puzzle, I woke up in a cold sweat. Intriguing.

The Joseph character reminded me of myself, when I was younger...he looked like what I wanted to look like. If I had taken being a goth/raver more seriously, that's exactly what I would've been. I get the feeling he's some kind of ideal archetype for me...something I'll never achieve. And constantly belittling my performance...reminds me of myself. It's hard to read all of the metaphors.

However, if I recall, when I was playing in the dream, I was recollecting with relative perfection the various tones. Which is pretty good.

Valentines Day

Just some ideas I had, laying around...

http://soundcloud.com/liftingmisery/forgottenvalentine

I tried to sleep again...

Okay, so I tried to sleep again but, once again, I had nightmares that resulted in cold sweats. This is like the fourth "cycle" in a row. This is seriously freaking me the hell out at this point. I'm sure, it must be the medications, but even still...If you don't count the two hours I managed last night and the hour or so I just managed, I haven't slept for nearing 24 hours.

Everything was fine, it was a typical dream. But near the end of it, everything switched. I was standing out in my yard, looking out towards the edge of the field. It just got nasty looking. And then I heard this massive voice...way, way, WAY more frightening and penetrating than ANYTHING I have EVER heard, in a dream, in a game, in a movie, any voice actor...and it said, "I AM the GOD of NOTHINGNESS", and something prior to that I can not recall...and I instantly felt this wave of malevolence and GUILT especially, something clicked in me...I don't know what to say. I was considering hearing the rest of what it had to say, and start journeying through whatever ridiculous shit would happen to be in my way, but the guilt and the fear overtook me, and I forced myself to wake. I guess I was lucky I knew I was dreaming...but that seems silly, if I knew I was dreaming, how is it that I was afraid? And why is it sticking with me?

The guilt I felt was very focused...it was kind of like a "if I were to die right now, guilt would be what I feel, because I have not done anything, because my life appears meaningless. This can not happen."

Hard to explain. Shocking.