Da Pub

Got dragged out to go drink at the pub last night. I think I had four or five. No real hangover to speak of.

I actually had a good time. Saw a couple old friends the usual. I could do it all the time but then it wouldn't be special, and it's not like I'd ever meet the woman of my dreams in a Tidioute bar.

Rick has been busy/hanging with his normal crew, so that's why I don't see him much. Like he said the phone works both ways but I guess he had no clue my life has been all fucked up. I feel bad for thinking that he had a problem with me but then again that's just normal for me any time people stop talking to me/ditch me for other stuff/etc. He may indeed have had a problem at one point but it's alright now.

It's interesting how none of my friends who really knew me in person ever keep up with me. They know I'm still huge into music but they don't even keep up with that, and they would be some of the best to point out progress if it's there. I can hear progress when I go back a couple years, but I'm not so sure I hear it recently and that bothers me a lot. I feel like I've hit a big fucking brick wall creatively, and it's not just that, I feel stifled in my sound design and I'm not sure why. I'm reaching out, trying to get interesting FX and new synthesizers, but it doesn't seem to add up. I feel like I'm missing something even though I know I don't -need- professional training to do this. What I -really- want is an electric guitar and bass. I should've never bought the acoustic but looking back, I did it so I could play -something- if I don't have electricity/this pc/whatever. I need some real analog sound. Acoustic would work theoretically but I honestly have a hard time playing acoustic well. It's not really my style, at all. Maybe with the right effects I could get it to sound tolerable but meh...

Other than that, same old...I know this sounds silly but I want to get laid :P

I wanna be...

I know I really seem like a Reznor fanboy...but I guess you latch on to idols that you feel a connection with...and he grew up in the same place I did. And I eventually started writing music that wasn't so far away from his. I guess I kinda look up to him almost like an older brother that I only knew through art.

I realized that Deep came out when I was 13...and I'm not even sure I was listening to Reznor yet then. And Deep was midway through his discographical career. He got better from Pretty Hate Machine. PHM was very unfinished, very unpolished, very harsh. Everything kept getting better, maybe as a result of equipment, but I think he grew a lot as a musician in all of that time.

And what this means for me is that I can't ever give up because I need time to grow myself. I'm not even ten years into making music.