PUA

I give up.

Time to do some PUA study and error.

I think I will even start recording empirical data from trials. I don't know, maybe even record trips out on audio?

I really am curious about this stuff. Supposedly even some of the scientific studies out there point to PUA tactics, even though they seem to disobey "common sense" work incredibly well.

If I gain about another 15 pounds, I'll probably be an 8 or 9 out of 10. That means if I get the right skill set, I'll have some serious fun with -really hot chicks-.

Whatever ;)

I Never Make Resolutions

But I think I have too.

So, here are my New Years Resolutions for 2009/2010

I will never smoke marijuana again until I am in a better life circumstance, and even then, it is questionable.

I am giving up cigarettes after this pack is gone. I have enough to last me through the ritual drinking tonight.

This will be my second New Years single. But the thing is, I'm not sure I really mind.

I had this dream the other day. It really made me think about a lot. As has the looking back on my high school journal entries.

I have been climbing for a very long time. In the dream, I was climbing this really steep mountain - it had a roadway, and it was more like a hill...grassy, very green and alive. I was climbing along the roadway...it was so steep in some places, I actually needed a rope to climb up.

As I was making my way up, people from my class in high school were coming down it - all in their cars.

There's some really deep metaphorical significance here to me. I think it means that my struggle is still going on. But most of the people I knew in high school...they've finished their college years and have settled down with a job, or whatever. I still have so many miles to go before I sleep.

But on the other hand, the climbing may have been symbolic of other things as well. Climbing up is a very deep mystical symbol to me...I used to use it a lot in meditation. I think it means that I am taking the right path. I really don't want a vehicle. I really don't want anything material any more.

But I think that my new years resolutions will be some of the final steps I need to take before I really reach the tranquility I have desired for so long. I feel twinges of it even now...a kind of return to who I was around the time I met Val...because the person I was then was a much more enlightened person than I am today.

I also really strongly believe in this Karras thing. Apparently the idea is that who you are determines the kind of people you meet - but the key is that you can change who you are. As long as I'm smoking marijuana, I'm going to meet other people who smoke it...and I don't really enjoy those kinds of people anymore. I want something different out of my life, and my final resolution is to make sure I take the steps this year to get there. I am not planning ahead, but I am going to start a journey.

AMOG

So, for whoever wants to denounce this PUA stuff as bullshit, feel free. But some of it is rather accurate.

AMOGs do exist.

The guy that tried to start shit with me the night I wrecked my car = AMOG. If I knew what I did -now- I would've tried to push him right into beta. Although looking back I kinda was doing just that, I was just a little too inebriated and tired to put any real effort into it.

He was saying obnoxious, stupid shit to try and qualify himself as dominant.

He asked if I was looking at his ass while I was watching the pool game he was involved in after my own, and when I said, "No?" in a really annoyed tone, he qualified him paying attention to me by saying, "Oh, I thought you were gay or something" when in reality this probably had more to do with the girl sitting at the table he was originally at -LOOKING AT ME A FUCKING LOT- However, the annoyed tone i gave him and the resulting response is a sign I was making him feel inferior, which brings us to the final part before he leaves the bar (probably he left with his friend because they needed to find somewhere else to try and game, although it is entirely possible that after that pool game with matt he didn't want to stick around with a guy like me he already insulted there)

Near the end of the pool match, he actually expends the energy to walk over to me and touch my face, and call me a "pretty boy." The attempt as an AMOG is an expression of dominance, possibly an attempt to call me out, but the fact I -don't say anything at all in response- and continue with watching the game is indeed a kind of role reversal. I didn't sulk, and I didn't let my body language show that he had any impact on how I felt. Suffice to say there were probably a million directions I could've gone in more intellectual spheres to prove dominance externally, but I didn't choose any.

The guy was all brawn, no brains whatsoever. A fucking retard at best. And i doubt he scored as much as I did in my past so far, or could hook a girl long enough to.

Some other thoughts

So, talking to a few other people about PUA brought up some points.

For one, in the PUA community, there's kind of a way about it that turns getting laid or getting relationships into equations. I'm not exactly looking at PUA like that. More or less, I'm looking at PUA as a way to work on my charisma. Ya know, physically, I'm not that bad off...being massive in frame has advantages, it's an automatic stand out.

But it's been my mentality for a long time that really axes my Cha score ;)

I think it's just -this place-. After all, I really did have some good conversations and met a lot of people when I was back at College...and that was a small, non-traditional one as well. It was also in a small town...I wouldn't call Jamestown a city, at all.

God, I can't wait to get out of here :) All of those dreams from my high school journal will be realized once that happens...and maybe that's exactly what I need.

I wonder how I'll feel about the entries from 2009 in 2012, after two more years of college?

New Years Heats Up

I'm getting picked up at 9. Wow. So unexpected.

I really figured I'd be spending this year alone again.

I'm gonna have a blast. Don't care what happens. Best part is I'll be drunk before I even leave the house, ah ah ah!