Realize

I realized something today, and I don't feel very good about it.

The fact is, pretty much my entire life, I've not had someone there to support me emotionally. Thinking back, neither Cookie or Val really "comforted" me the way I needed it, to heal. Sex, yeah, Hugs and kisses, yeah. But when I was really down and out, there was more avoidance there than anything else, and a non-chalant "everything will work out" attitude. I don't need to hear that. I never want to hear that, because you can't guarantee me that.

I don't really know how much longer I can last holding myself up by myself. My friends can't be there for me like that, and neither can any of the girls I know. For that matter, I don't think my friends ever desired to support me (or could, being that they have their own issues), even though I'm always there supporting them.

I'm in a really bad place, moving won't fix it. This is hard. I don't know what I should do. The military won't fix it. College won't fix it. I'm hurting today.

I really just want a kiss and a hug. Really. Simple and innocent.

-sighs-