Today

Today is the first day I've actually sweat playing keys. My technique is finally getting to the point where I can push the envelope speed wise and really try to run my fingers at extreme speeds while still keeping tempo. Admittedly it's only in my favorite scale for the moment, but I enjoy this scale a /lot/. I think it's the easiest to play of the scales even though, for some idiotic reason, people avoid the "black" (sharp/flat) keys when they start to learn piano (I used the black keys more when I started) It feels the most natural to the fingers and it allows for some really great motifs and technical show offs without too much trouble.

I'm working on a riff right now that runs nearly the entire 61-keys, doubling the bass notes with my left hand and running up the scale while arpeggiating patterns with the right. I think I will use it for the Lost Souls intro theme, once I figure out the rest. It is powerful, riveting and emotionally evoking enough to truly be an "intro" theme, and it's not really too "fluffy" while still being quite classical in sound.

Okay, so the Navy is a no-go for the moment...I'm going to keep myself on my fitness program but until I figure out if there's a guaranteed way for me to make commissioned officer quickly I won't be going until I have a bachelor's. I'm looking into colleges now. The likely outcome is going to be either me going for two-four more years for a bach/masters and then entering one of the branches of the armed forces, or going to teach highschool. I may try teaching highschool first. We'll see.

It sucks, in a way. If I go back to school, I really do have to sacrifice my music likely. Maybe not, but the idea of living in a non-single super small confined space with some other poor soul doesn't seem too creativity boosting. Of course, the military wouldn't be much different.

The gods haven't left me with too many options, have they? I know I have musical talent, gods fucking damnit. I KNOW I do. REAL talent, and REAL inherent ability, that I've honed with practice for EIGHT years. And yet, here I am - no one listening.

The myspace really has grown, I can't complain. Over 5,000 plays. That's a lot of influence as far as I'm concerned.

Maybe it's not about the money, maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe I shouldn't think I'd enjoy sitting on my ass 24/7 working on music when I lose my despondency and depression for short periods at a time. Maybe I should be pursuing another career path, not as a backup, but so I can have impact and influence in other ways and expand my horizons.

I do believe I want to spend 4 years in the navy sometime in my lifetime.

I do believe I want to teach at some point.

I do believe I want to write a few books in my lifetime.

I do believe I want to keep making music.

Can I do all of this?

I think so.

What about the other part, Jake - you know, the part about women...

Fuck it for now, I guess. I can't worry about it anymore. I really like Kayla. Really. I really do. I don't know why, we just click, we've always been able to talk (unlike Cookie and I) and I still remember our first kiss. I remember her dragging me around Fishing Tournament with a chain hooked to my collar years ago.

But she keeps telling me she'd just do the same thing Cookie did, and maybe she's right...but if she knows she might do that, then why would she? I think that I would probably be everything she ever wanted in a man and more, considering these guys she has been with and the guy she is with currently. I could provide for her, I'm sure of that, given time. I really like her. I'm not going to let her go - I want to stay close to her, she is someone that's always there for me no matter what and never fucks me over, lies to me, or tries to cheat me in any way.

Alyssa did that. Man, haven't talked to her for two weeks. But you know what, she's just like all the other chicks with a love for Suicide Girls.

Attention whoring dumbasses.

Sorry I didn't try to fuck you that night we hung out. I guess that makes me a nice guy who's looking for something real.