(no subject)
Aug. 15th, 2004 10:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorOnce again, I am lost.
Everytime i feel i get a path beneath my feet, it falls out from underneath me, leaving me struggling as I fall off the edges of reality.
I felt centered for a time. Finally after the long struggle. But damnit, here the feeling is again. It's been so long! Why must I feel this way?
I've realized that one is unhappy only when one wants to be, but it seems not to matter now..An ache within my heart brings me down.
I do not know the source of this ache. Why it has returned is not apparent to me at all. I feel that the grip on reality is being loosened, though this could also mean another reality is opening. I am not sure yet.
I will give up on trips to an alter world. This is no longer worth it. This world is all I have, and though I could give in to an alter-world, I will not. This world is too beautiful, and i do not wish to destroy my perceptions of it.
This is the time of my life where i can forge who I am to be.
Everytime i feel i get a path beneath my feet, it falls out from underneath me, leaving me struggling as I fall off the edges of reality.
I felt centered for a time. Finally after the long struggle. But damnit, here the feeling is again. It's been so long! Why must I feel this way?
I've realized that one is unhappy only when one wants to be, but it seems not to matter now..An ache within my heart brings me down.
I do not know the source of this ache. Why it has returned is not apparent to me at all. I feel that the grip on reality is being loosened, though this could also mean another reality is opening. I am not sure yet.
I will give up on trips to an alter world. This is no longer worth it. This world is all I have, and though I could give in to an alter-world, I will not. This world is too beautiful, and i do not wish to destroy my perceptions of it.
This is the time of my life where i can forge who I am to be.
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-16 03:00 am (UTC)your problems are different from mine, but i see myself in where you say everything goes up and down, and its like taking one step forward, two steps back, and that this endless evil circle will never stop.
but what gives me consolation is that you will ALWAYS change, in 6 months you wont be the same person you were now.
when i look back in that regard ive seen myself change so much, now i have different problems, different mindsets.
this may not be exactly what you meant, but at least its something.
however, i have a sort of empty void inside for many years, and not even 6 months of councelling can help me find it, he just calls it 'depression', the rest of the diagnosis i have to find out myself.