(no subject)

[sathor]

Though I know that all people choose their paths, and I am not to say otherwise.

All of our actions reverberate in the cosmic dance.
This is why I know that I cannot just give myself away.
And I don't even want to. I don't even feel the need to. Whenever I think about it anymore it just seems like there's a cold blank spot. It feels like there's no point unless there's some sort of spark.

I only want to share myself with someone I /know/ I love.
I cannot allow my actions to be done simply for nothing more than physical pleasure.
It all seems so wrong. It seems like I'm being torn apart by contradictory sides. But how can there be contradiction if all people choose their path and it matters not? The only way that one could be better than another is that there is somehow a 'right' path, which I honestly cannot believe in because /there will always be a murderer and the murdered, there will always be the thief and the thieved/. It is the cycle of existence, there must always be an antithesis, there must always be that variety because everyone is in a different stage of their own consciousness and spirituality.

No matter what the definition of good and evil, there are people on both sides, all around and inside the circle of black and white colored in gray. All of them have their reasons, and even if they don't know them, they are underlying, part of their psyche, part of their journey, through life, through eternity in the cosmic dance.

If I gave myself away I would break in two.
Or would I?
Would I only break in two because I want to? Because I think I will?
Or will I break in two because I'm meant to, am I meant to fall? To stand tall?

But I feel so alone in these thoughts. I don't want to be alone anymore. I wish things would've worked out with the person I loved, but if they did, would I even think as I do now? I just...can't take it anymore.

It seems like the only thing left holding this broken psyche together is my religion.

But a heavy weight is always here.

Comments

[phyrra.livejournal.com]

you will be able to find someone
have faith
it just takes time :(
i didn't find ray until i was 20

on the religion thing...

[ravengirl14.livejournal.com]

i looked up stuff on the internet about religion and now i try not to think about it. my religion at the moment is just thinking of nothing-becuase there was nothing before everything happened(so to speak) and once i figure out exactly what nothing is-because when you think...you cant think of NOTHING-then i'll go on further in religion. it's pretty easy, yet pisses me off when i cant think of what NOTHING is. you may just say nothing at all, but what exactly is the definition of nothing? zero?? cuz zero is something and some people think of darkness-well that's something to, so like i said-until i can think of NOTHING-im not going to venture further in the path of finding a religion. (PS: i actually saw your house-shane told me i ws right...-no, i wasnt stalking-we dropped off dylan and drove all the way up cobham hill to the other end)

Re: on the religion thing...

[sathor.livejournal.com]

If there is nothing then you don't exist, therefore cannot come up with the idea of nothing. Nothing is an idea too, it was taught to you, it isn't yours. "Nothing" exists because you label it nothing. Therefore, nothing contradicts it's own meaning.

As for you saying there was nothing before any of this, that's a conclusion that has no premises whatsoever. You have no idea if there was nothing before something because you #1 couldn't have existed if nothing existed and #2, you cannot know something that was there before your time of perception.

[magickgurl19.livejournal.com]

Everyone is pulled in a million directons in a million different moments in time. People love. People loose. But with out that love. The "cosmic dance" in which we live is meaningless. With out that love, or the hope of that love, life is meaningless. Though I know that all people choose their paths, and I am not to say otherwise. People choose their own paths. Sometimes however, that path crosses that of another person. When our paths cross our lives join together in the oddest of ways. Their choices affect our path, and our choices affect theirs. But ultimatly life goes on.

~Rogue

Re:

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I know what you are saying because I believe in much of the same thing. I know love even to lesser degrees, and in a sense I have always known love.

An infinite amount of droplets spreading their ripples over a vast infinite sea.

Thank you for the comment, stranger.

Re:

[magickgurl19.livejournal.com]

You welcome. I was wandering around in the infinite sea of journals and stumbled on yours. Funny how paths cross like that. i too have been going through the same things.

~Rogue

Re:

[sathor.livejournal.com]

Much is left up to mere chance, or at least seems to be left to chance in life. If you want to talk some more go right ahead...sathor@hotmail.com is my email, also the way to get ahold of me on messengers...and I think I'll friend ya too, if ya don't mind.

Re:

[magickgurl19.livejournal.com]

no not at all. I dont mind one bit

hey bud

[rayvenne.livejournal.com]

hey hun. what;s going on? not too much here. i finally established my religion. you were right, I am Pagan. And I looked alot further into it, and it all seems like I have known it all along....strange. I agree with you on the "nothing" theory. nothing is just a word. a very simple word just like perfect, normal, and wierd.i don't think any of them have meaning, and if they did, what is perfect? what is normal?, what is wierd? Its all simple. it just depends on whther or not you want it to sound complicated.