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Oct. 28th, 2003 03:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorI fall asleep on thoughts and questions aloud about who I am. What have I become, why has this life brought me here, what am I to be...
I fall asleep, with my arm above over my eyes. And as I drift farther away from the world it's as if a penetrating white light falls over me, noticeable only through the points my arm does not block out - but I do not move my arm. I just continue to drift, the thoughts leaving my mind until there is nothing - I am nothing - I will be nothing - and gone...I am asleep, or am I?
In the dreams after such a time there is much to be seen. Strange people met and gone. Strange ideas thrown about and out the window, and strange places that I travel too.
But one remembrance of this dream I had only minutes ago, though the memory already begins to fade, stands tall in my mind even now.
A woman, or a girl...elderly or young...or middle-aged...I do not know. She felt as if she was everything and nothing at once, and I longed to see her face, to see who she was...but I couldn't turn around. I don't know why.
She grasped me by my shoulders lovingly, and began to massage them. "I know this is pleasureable for you, so please don't move away." she says in a voice which I cannot determine the age of either...It was everything and nothing at once...but it was female...
As she caressed my shoulders, i felt the feeling I haven't felt since the hug I received from Cassandra so many months ago. That feeling of being totally complete, as if the world stops around you and all that matters is the moment - that moment where you are perfect, the world is perfect, the person near you is perfect. Everything is perfect in moment but a moment is only fleeting.
"If you told me that I hurt you to make me hurt, I understand." she says, in that same voice.
"But if anything, the walk was enjoyable."
Then it was gone. The only part of her remembered was a hand that had an obvious vein running near the thumb, down her hand and to her wrist, which was out of sight.
Everything and nothing.
For some reason this all feels too strange.
In my horoscope today it said that a friend from long ago would show themselves, if only for a moment, and that I should reminisce with them and move on.
Would this be it? What is this? Why do the questions I asked only bring about more questions without answers?
I fall asleep, with my arm above over my eyes. And as I drift farther away from the world it's as if a penetrating white light falls over me, noticeable only through the points my arm does not block out - but I do not move my arm. I just continue to drift, the thoughts leaving my mind until there is nothing - I am nothing - I will be nothing - and gone...I am asleep, or am I?
In the dreams after such a time there is much to be seen. Strange people met and gone. Strange ideas thrown about and out the window, and strange places that I travel too.
But one remembrance of this dream I had only minutes ago, though the memory already begins to fade, stands tall in my mind even now.
A woman, or a girl...elderly or young...or middle-aged...I do not know. She felt as if she was everything and nothing at once, and I longed to see her face, to see who she was...but I couldn't turn around. I don't know why.
She grasped me by my shoulders lovingly, and began to massage them. "I know this is pleasureable for you, so please don't move away." she says in a voice which I cannot determine the age of either...It was everything and nothing at once...but it was female...
As she caressed my shoulders, i felt the feeling I haven't felt since the hug I received from Cassandra so many months ago. That feeling of being totally complete, as if the world stops around you and all that matters is the moment - that moment where you are perfect, the world is perfect, the person near you is perfect. Everything is perfect in moment but a moment is only fleeting.
"If you told me that I hurt you to make me hurt, I understand." she says, in that same voice.
"But if anything, the walk was enjoyable."
Then it was gone. The only part of her remembered was a hand that had an obvious vein running near the thumb, down her hand and to her wrist, which was out of sight.
Everything and nothing.
For some reason this all feels too strange.
In my horoscope today it said that a friend from long ago would show themselves, if only for a moment, and that I should reminisce with them and move on.
Would this be it? What is this? Why do the questions I asked only bring about more questions without answers?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
h
Date: 2003-10-29 05:33 am (UTC)It instantly reminded me of the movie Solaris. A guy longing for his dead wife.
Anyway :/ I can't seem to think of any useful advice. The questions you ask only you can answer.
Re: h
Date: 2003-10-29 09:19 am (UTC)Sometimes advice isn't really needed. I already collaborated with someone else on theories for it and we had the same one...so that probably means something in itself.
I'm not going to force out what everything means. I'll just let it come to me with time.