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sathorI bought a couple books last week that Elenbarathi suggested I read - one is "Quiet" and the other is on sensory defensiveness (which I basically guarantee I deal with - especially in loud social gatherings with lots of people, or even in some workplaces I've dealt with.)
I read the introduction to Quiet today, which has sparked some thoughts - especially on that family gathering a couple weeks ago, where three of my cousins, and one of my aunts, had something negative to say about my reserved, introspective demeanor. This is all quite interesting because there was an hour long conversation I had with a soon-to-be-married non-blood-relative in the middle of everyone on some various philosophers and societal issues. But even with that, they all seemed to think I was way too quiet (and Gabriel said at one point, "Don't go bitching about how your life is if this is the way you are. You deserve it.") So mkay. Here's some thoughts based on that:
I. I don't think i ever bitched to Gabriel, or really, to anyone in that family (my mother's side.) Even during my darkest times in the past four years, I've kept those feelings primarily to my self.
II. Is there a good, moral or ethical reason that I should be shamed for being the person I am - for being quiet and introspective? I do my best at infrequent gatherings but I run out of steam after a few hours. That seems totally normal to me. If one out of every two/three people are introverts, how is it that people aren't more familiar with how they are? Or are they simply choosing to point me out and ignoring the other people who fit this description? (or WORSE - do they treat all of these people this way? Shame them? Shun them? Mistreat them?)
III. If I am (and I am) somewhat quiet, reserved, and introspective, is that a reason to deserve having been treated the way I've been treated? Or is the way I've been treated more a less a symptom of a society (not OF ME) that puts extroversion, willingness to "blend" and having a social life that takes up all of our time first, and high above introverted tendencies? Is it the result of a society that has made introversion synonymous with mental disorders?
Reading this book I guess is triggering some things in me unfortunately. But this whole introversion/shaming thing has continued bothering me since it happened, for whatever reason - seems I have no real recourse, and of course, these extroverts will go happily (and maybe naively) on. They of course are not beacons of happiness and have never been - they've all a long slew of negativity and bad decisions with (maybe) the exception of my aunt.
I tried to extend a hand of greeting by getting both Johnathan's and Gabriel's numbers the other day, but my inquiries were met with dead silence. The former one I was around off and on since he moved back a few years ago - I was one of the best men in his last wedding. At one of his birthday parties two years ago, I was around a bunch of his acquaintances (these weren't friends) and almost got into a fight over my "quietness." That was kinda my last straw with his circles. I actually find it slightly insane people could be that herd-minded/ridiculous, but something tells me that it was partially my fault for even sticking around those people as long as I did. My radar needs some work.
-sigh- Long stories shorted, blah blah...I'm just starting to think these people aren't people I need in my life - at least not right now - and it's that simple. I don't have replacements for them, and my list of people I'm close with grows shorter everyday it seems - but that's something I need to be able to deal with.
I read the introduction to Quiet today, which has sparked some thoughts - especially on that family gathering a couple weeks ago, where three of my cousins, and one of my aunts, had something negative to say about my reserved, introspective demeanor. This is all quite interesting because there was an hour long conversation I had with a soon-to-be-married non-blood-relative in the middle of everyone on some various philosophers and societal issues. But even with that, they all seemed to think I was way too quiet (and Gabriel said at one point, "Don't go bitching about how your life is if this is the way you are. You deserve it.") So mkay. Here's some thoughts based on that:
I. I don't think i ever bitched to Gabriel, or really, to anyone in that family (my mother's side.) Even during my darkest times in the past four years, I've kept those feelings primarily to my self.
II. Is there a good, moral or ethical reason that I should be shamed for being the person I am - for being quiet and introspective? I do my best at infrequent gatherings but I run out of steam after a few hours. That seems totally normal to me. If one out of every two/three people are introverts, how is it that people aren't more familiar with how they are? Or are they simply choosing to point me out and ignoring the other people who fit this description? (or WORSE - do they treat all of these people this way? Shame them? Shun them? Mistreat them?)
III. If I am (and I am) somewhat quiet, reserved, and introspective, is that a reason to deserve having been treated the way I've been treated? Or is the way I've been treated more a less a symptom of a society (not OF ME) that puts extroversion, willingness to "blend" and having a social life that takes up all of our time first, and high above introverted tendencies? Is it the result of a society that has made introversion synonymous with mental disorders?
Reading this book I guess is triggering some things in me unfortunately. But this whole introversion/shaming thing has continued bothering me since it happened, for whatever reason - seems I have no real recourse, and of course, these extroverts will go happily (and maybe naively) on. They of course are not beacons of happiness and have never been - they've all a long slew of negativity and bad decisions with (maybe) the exception of my aunt.
I tried to extend a hand of greeting by getting both Johnathan's and Gabriel's numbers the other day, but my inquiries were met with dead silence. The former one I was around off and on since he moved back a few years ago - I was one of the best men in his last wedding. At one of his birthday parties two years ago, I was around a bunch of his acquaintances (these weren't friends) and almost got into a fight over my "quietness." That was kinda my last straw with his circles. I actually find it slightly insane people could be that herd-minded/ridiculous, but something tells me that it was partially my fault for even sticking around those people as long as I did. My radar needs some work.
-sigh- Long stories shorted, blah blah...I'm just starting to think these people aren't people I need in my life - at least not right now - and it's that simple. I don't have replacements for them, and my list of people I'm close with grows shorter everyday it seems - but that's something I need to be able to deal with.
