Extinction

[sathor]

I posted this today on a forum I frequent, I thought the final thought was quite chilling and worth leaving here.

"That's the way government/aristocracy works...a bunch of people get paid by taxation to bicker and argue and accomplish very little if anything of substance - it appears more as a fictional show and distraction than it does anything real. Meanwhile, people work in the oil/gas industry and provide everyone with transportation heating and all the byproducts...people farm to feed other people...they work as doctors to heal people...they work on technology to improve quality of life...

All those people working are the same as say, spartan helots...less than human to the aristocracy...very rarely given the opportunity to be promoted into the ruling class. They provide all of the substance of the nation. The difference is of course that the spartan aristocracy were simply warriors and lived frugal lifestyles (spartans were forbidden from owning much of anything of value, and the currency was iron), while our aristocracy basically does nothing of value and hoards extensive amounts of wealth and property. As an example, much of the art that comes out of the aristocracy is utter trash and is perceived as such by the artistic community, but it has such financial backing and advertising that it becomes popular nonetheless.

Bertrand Russel I think put it pretty well when he said there's really no way to win a battle of opinions except through war. Nonviolence, protests, advocacy are all without function in the face of the vast resources and propaganda campaign of those whom control nearly all resources and wealth in the west, and conceivably, on the entire planet...and eventually, space as well.

At this stage in the game...however...we've had generations of people destroyed by propaganda and the numbers of those whom actually achieve awareness have dwindled to the point where even if we came together to fight, we would lose horribly - we would only expedite our own extinction. "

I find myself beginning to believe the final thought more and more. My entire life I've fought against what seems to be an inexhaustible degree of ignorance, lack of reasoning and rationality...blind nationalism, lack of compassion...immorality. If there were to be a civil war in the US, neither side would be level headed and having the best intentions. Neither side would be "good." And if those of us whom see this folly and this rigged system were to come together...our numbers would be so incredibly minute, we would never stand a chance. I truly believe that the point at which this nation and its people...and who knows, maybe even the world...could be salvaged...has been passed. I think we are in a decline of first world civilization, signaled by the same canary that sang for every other empire and great culture...the canary of decadence, immorality, greed, egoism and the admiration of ignorance, malice, lack of compassion and violence.

I've been on ten hour nights for four days straight now (I was on days prior to that and have worked for 11 days straight), with no end in sight for at least a month, most likely two. I'm tired, I'm broken, and my emotions are getting out of control. I feel unloved and undesirable. I want this to change, but if I've yet to meet a human that genuinely loved me face to face, I feel that the chances are slim to none...and yet, all the people I am not like continue on their merry way, ignoring my existence. At times I question whether or not there is any value to my life - I have friends, I have family, but i feel as though the larger world and the greater population really, in general, doesn't need or want someone around with my kind of thoughts, with my kind of mind, with my kind of perspective. Most especially, I feel like the opposite sex definitely doesn't want that...and is more concerned about status. Sweeping generalization and all, I know, but I can't shake that feeling..that 99% of the women I've known in life are precisely that...just like 99% of the population has absolutely no idea, nor do they care, that they are essentially slaves.

Comments

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Poor guy, clearly you are exhausted and in despair due to your job, and it's no wonder; it sounds grueling. And clearly you are also trashing yourself with this kind of doom-and-gloom rumination. I am starting to get worried about you : no one can last long if they keep beating the shit out of themselves emotionally while their job beats the shit out of them physically.

I daresay your parents genuinely love you face to face, even if they are not very good at showing it, and would in fact willingly give their own lives to save yours. You remember that, when you start thinking your life has 'no value'. The feeling of being unloved and unlovable is characteristic of depression; it does not say anything about how loved or loveable you are in reality. Depression LIES! You think you feel this way because you don't have a loving mate, but there are plenty of people who do have loving mates, and feel the same way.

Negative self-talk is just as toxic as methamphetamine addiction. If it helps to remind you, look up some of those faces-of-meth-addicts pictures: that's what it does to your spirit when you keep sucking on black despair, telling yourself these grim and hopeless things till you believe them.

The period of Spartan history to which you're referring was brief, poorly documented, and a lot more politically complicated than people generally suppose. It's really not analogous to US history to any notable degree, nor does what little is known of its philosophical underpinnings match that well with those of our country.

In one sense, the larger world, planet Earth, and the greater population, 7 billion human beings (and counting!) does not need any particular individual of our species, and would be better off with a lot fewer of us. But that is neither here nor there. If no one else needs you, you need you. And in all honesty, from what you say, it sounds like your experience of the world has been too circumscribed up to now, for you to draw any valid conclusions about what kind of reception your ideas and perspectives might receive in a wider circle. Maybe you just need to refine your presentation.

The same can be said of your experience with women. If you keep getting the same kind, it's because you keep picking the same kind - just like the women who keep picking abusive assholes, and then think all men are abusive assholes.

It is true, however, that almost nobody meets the love of their life when they're depressed. Depression is a bona-fide illness - fortunately temporary, though often recurring - and it is not your fault that you're having it. It wouldn't be your fault if you had the flu, either, but you wouldn't be terribly attractive while you were having it, nor would you have any energy to spare for someone else's needs.

Therefore, I say get through this difficult phase before you turn your consideration to relationships, because any relationship you did manage to form while you're so unhappy would very probably be just as doomed as you'd expect. But you will not always feel like this. Hold on to that knowledge.

And now for something completely different: Mission:Wolf is "still looking for somebody for the summer with significant construction, carpentry, metalworking, or automotive experience". My Clan-brother young_aragorn went there when he needed to shake the dust of Civilization off his shoes for a time; he says it's a very good place. If you need to do the same but don't know where to go, they may have a roof for your head and work for your hands there.

[sathor.livejournal.com]

On mission wolf...I would probably consider that in the future if I develop those skills... but by no means would I consider myself having significant experience in those fields. I can work on a car or bike with a manual and I know a good portion of the tools of the trade...that's about it. I'm not an experienced carpenter or metal worker, I have industrial maintenance experience but I'm still considered an apprentice (and would be in any trade union, only 3 years.)

I really thank you for the kind words...it's just very difficult and I'm mostly dealing with it all on my own. Of course my parents love me...I guess I can't change the fact that at 26 that's basically all I have, so it's better to see it positively if I can.

Potential relationships certainly would be doomed...I wouldn't even trust myself to make a good decision on who to date at this point...and I've steered clear of a couple over the past year that I knew would have been as bad or worse than the previous ones.

Work sucks, yep. It makes it worse when you're in this culture of invincibility and very few people exhibit any degree of work ethic...particularly when they aren't being directly monitored like on nights as I am. So I get saddled with a high workload. I think it happens whether it's union or not...I just think people in unions have a tendency to flaunt the ability to do nothing and get paid a bit more.

I'm definitely wore out...twelve days straight and I would say anywhere between 30 and 60 days to go.

-hugs- Hope everything is well with you. I've barely time to write anything in here between sleeping, eating, and trying to just relax a little.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

*hugs hugs* Another month of this, possibly two?!? Sheesh. In order to get through this with your body and spirit uncrushed, your self-care has to be your #1 priority: getting enough sound sleep, eating fresh, healthy food and staying well-hydrated, spending as much time as you can out in Nature, and maintaining a calm and cheerful attitude. 'Mortal Body Maintenance', we call that - often the best way to get through a really hard time is to regard it as training, and to live the way one lives during hard training.

It's funny; there are (at least) two opposing schools of thought on mental attitude. As you might suppose, I incline toward the optimistic view, so my go-to bedtime book when I'm having difficulty is The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, and I highly recommend it as an antidote to gloomy rumination. But my brother has the opposite attitude: his go-to books when he's depressed are One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn and Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, because his idea of 'uplifting literature' is people surviving (or not) the worst that can be done to people, with their spirits still unbroken.

Viktor Frankl's story is too grim for my taste - moreso because it's all true - but Ivan Denisovich is pretty cheering, because he manages to have a good day under circumstances far worse than we are ever likely to experience. Not that "It could be worse" is a motto to build one's life on, because it could also be better, but sometimes it does help.

Having parents who love you is a major blessing and asset - quite possibly your strongest asset in life, that you've grown up knowing what it is to be loved, and thus are capable of loving. Cherish your good family, young Jedi; let them know you love them - that, more than anything else, will keep your spirit strong.

At 26 you not only have a loving family; you've also earned yourself an education, a solid work history, and enough money in the bank to support yourself while you change your life, once you've decided what you want to do with it. Mission Wolf is just one of thousands of volunteer-based organizations - do you know about Americorps? They're the big clearinghouse for all that sort of thing, and everyone I've known who's worked with them has been very happy with them. You are exactly the type of young person such organizations look for - you already have skills, are prepared to learn more, and most importantly, you have a work ethic; you care about doing quality work.

Oh, do I hear ya about those who don't care; who think a half-ass job is 'good enough', and if it's not, too bad, because they ain't doin' it over. Lots of times, such people actively try to undermine anyone who does better, because they're 'wrecking the curve' by setting a higher standard. Obviously, if you were going to spend your life in that job, you'd have to stop caring about quality and drop your standards to the prevailing level in order to get by, but you're not going to spend your life in that job, so all of this suckage is only temporary.

Hang in there, 'kay? Things are well with me here - not much time online lately; I keep going to write an update and having other stuff come up instead. I expect it'll be about like this, and at times even busier, for most of the Spring, so I'm working hard on getting my own self-discipline rigamaroles up to speed, to cope with the increasing demands on my time and energy. LOL, left to my own devices, I tend to write all night, but I can't do that and be productive all day, so... t'is the season of more productivity, and less writing. I'm still reading, though! :~)

[sathor.livejournal.com]

It occurred to me today that it is very much like training. Getting myself used to much longer duration activity...social and mental engagement. Physical too, really, although my job isn't incredibly physical, there's opportunities to make it so and I often do.

I kept a good attitude today. I'm trying to get myself more aware of my emotional swings...it's easy to forget, but when I'm more aware of them, I have a lot more control over them. All of my feelings when I do get down are real and tangible, but they are also often irrational...it's hard to see it in those moments, though.

I'm totally wiped out, and had this sitting for a bit. I'll try to come back to it in the afternoon after I sleep, so I can address what you've said fully.

-hugs-

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Yay, sounds like you are doing somewhat better! It's true, all emotion is both real and irrational - one can't rationalize one's feelings away; one can only accept them, and then make a rational plan for what to do about the stuff that's causing them.

Hope you are getting some good rest! I'll try to be back later too - currently I'm intensively tutoring someone for his Journeyman's Electrician exam, which is taking up most of my day. I now know more about the National Electrical Code than I ever expected to know - today's Unit 9 of 13, so we'll be done after Monday, but then my daughter's coming out to do a radio interview about her novel, and probably staying through the weekend.

All happy stuff, but time-consuming - heh, Spring has sprung; in fact it's sprung right at me, and as usual I wasn't quite ready for it, so I'm rushing around playing catch-up before things get really busy in April. Hope your day goes well today! *hugs*