PT and everything else
Feb. 7th, 2014 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorPT was kinda silly. Most of what they showed me exercise wise the orthopedic surgeon could have told me to do in about 5 minutes at home, and I wouldn't be $10 co-paying. But, if I cancel and or refuse to go, the Dr. will probably drop me, and if serious issues eventually develop, it will essentially be my fault. I'm sure insurance has something to do with all of this. It's alright I guess - they told me my hamstrings are incredibly tight which is bad, and I've always kind of known that - hopefully that's what's causing most of the issues in my left knee, and it can be rectified shortly. I hate hamstring stretches, but I can't say I'm against fixing that issue if it's possible. Plus, once I get better, it will help me a lot in my dead lifts and squats to be more flexible below the waistline.
Work has been okay, I guess. Nothing has changed. Everyone is still negative as all hell. Mr. 4th DUI showed up and received his final letter, which he had to sign. If he misses any more work, he will probably be terminated, with or without a doctor's excuse. Like I said...about half of the team called in sick for a week of my vacation. It actually kinda irks me, because I took my vacation - all of it - fair and square. It resulted in me having more work to do when I came back than I should have had, and it's -really- not fair. If I called in for a week straight, I'd be in serious trouble. Mr. 4th DUI has missed about 8 weeks of work, most without Dr. excuses, in the past 10 months. He's basically invincible...I'm not even sure they'd terminate him if he missed more. Such is the unfairness of life. Even people who are untrustworthy and undependable can be kept employed if a company is frightened that it can't find more people who are at least as competent as said person. There's like no real human capital in this area...you'd think that'd make my chances better at finding very lucrative work. Ah well.
The more I read on autism the more I wonder about myself. I know I lack a lot of soft skills, and I definitely suffer from some degree of this whole strange planet syndrome...but on the same token, I'm not really sure I'm all that incapacitated by it. My social issues could even be the result of very high intelligence and a naturally serious demeanor. I'm very business oriented and have a hard time with small talk, have a hard time building meaningful rapport with new people, have a hard time starting conversations (although I don't seem to have much of a problem with some.) That being said I don't generally /try/ to start conversations, either. I have enough going on in my own mental train of thought, and whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish at the moment. With my friends and family, I don't really have any issues. So self-diagnosis is questionable at best - I'm not super attractive, not super popular. I don't get a lot of female attention even with my above average physique. I'm not sure if I'm autistic or not, but I definitely can't seem to get certain things straight in my life...and those things are commonly associated with people who suffer from Aspergers.
I have been told I'm cold and unapproachable, and that is probably true. I don't think a lot of women fall head over heels for guys like that. My last girlfriend actually told me I'm probably in for a long life of loneliness if I don't seek psychological help for my depression and outlook on life. Not that she was free of psychological issues herself - she was a diagnosed narcissist - but I worry that maybe, long term, she's right. Truthfully though, I just -can't- approach new people, small talk, get them to like me, whatever. I'm just terrible at the dating and friend "game." Such is life. Maybe someday I'll luck out and meet a girl who has similar issues...so we can at least understand each other. Sometimes I think that was the biggest problem in my past relationships. They never really understood me...sometimes I wonder if they even tried.
Work has been okay, I guess. Nothing has changed. Everyone is still negative as all hell. Mr. 4th DUI showed up and received his final letter, which he had to sign. If he misses any more work, he will probably be terminated, with or without a doctor's excuse. Like I said...about half of the team called in sick for a week of my vacation. It actually kinda irks me, because I took my vacation - all of it - fair and square. It resulted in me having more work to do when I came back than I should have had, and it's -really- not fair. If I called in for a week straight, I'd be in serious trouble. Mr. 4th DUI has missed about 8 weeks of work, most without Dr. excuses, in the past 10 months. He's basically invincible...I'm not even sure they'd terminate him if he missed more. Such is the unfairness of life. Even people who are untrustworthy and undependable can be kept employed if a company is frightened that it can't find more people who are at least as competent as said person. There's like no real human capital in this area...you'd think that'd make my chances better at finding very lucrative work. Ah well.
The more I read on autism the more I wonder about myself. I know I lack a lot of soft skills, and I definitely suffer from some degree of this whole strange planet syndrome...but on the same token, I'm not really sure I'm all that incapacitated by it. My social issues could even be the result of very high intelligence and a naturally serious demeanor. I'm very business oriented and have a hard time with small talk, have a hard time building meaningful rapport with new people, have a hard time starting conversations (although I don't seem to have much of a problem with some.) That being said I don't generally /try/ to start conversations, either. I have enough going on in my own mental train of thought, and whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish at the moment. With my friends and family, I don't really have any issues. So self-diagnosis is questionable at best - I'm not super attractive, not super popular. I don't get a lot of female attention even with my above average physique. I'm not sure if I'm autistic or not, but I definitely can't seem to get certain things straight in my life...and those things are commonly associated with people who suffer from Aspergers.
I have been told I'm cold and unapproachable, and that is probably true. I don't think a lot of women fall head over heels for guys like that. My last girlfriend actually told me I'm probably in for a long life of loneliness if I don't seek psychological help for my depression and outlook on life. Not that she was free of psychological issues herself - she was a diagnosed narcissist - but I worry that maybe, long term, she's right. Truthfully though, I just -can't- approach new people, small talk, get them to like me, whatever. I'm just terrible at the dating and friend "game." Such is life. Maybe someday I'll luck out and meet a girl who has similar issues...so we can at least understand each other. Sometimes I think that was the biggest problem in my past relationships. They never really understood me...sometimes I wonder if they even tried.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-02-12 04:22 am (UTC)I guess it goes without saying, I just really hope I'm not a "Nice Guy" who's really an asshole no woman would ever spend a lifetime with. But even outside of that, I really hope I'm not alone for a lifetime, period. I hope that I'm not incredibly flawed, and I hope every day I wake up that I improve a little, that I am a little less broken...although at times it feels like the opposite is occurring.
TBH, I feel like a fish out of water when it comes to human beings...and I think they really don't understand me all that well, either. I tried online dating, never even managed a date - I put people off immediately, at least enough of them to make me feel like it's hopeless - at least I didn't with you, and a few others in my life...or I'd be -really- lonely.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-12 06:44 pm (UTC)No, no. Guys who ARE assholes don't worry about being assholes - hell, they own it with pride! - and you are actively trying not to be one. As for being a Nice Guy - hey, two of my dearest friends have been married over 30 years to Nice Guys, whom they love dearly, even though the passivity does get on their nerves. One can get over being a Nice Guy, and go for being a Good Man instead, which you seem to be doing.
You don't sound 'incredibly flawed' to me. Actually, young man, you sound like rather a catch for a lady who's perceptive enough to see that, but I think you're going to have to see it and believe it yourself first. I also think you've probably been settling for way too little in the girlfriend department, and would do better with a better class of women.
You may have heard it said, that successful writers are those who never give up in the face of rejection slips; who keep writing and submitting manuscripts until they do succeed. The same is true of online dating. It's about the most emotionally risk-free method of meeting people, because everyone on there is looking for someone, and you can get acquainted a little before you meet in person.
Here's the thing about dating: it's only dating. So, you ask every interesting single lady out for coffee - most will say no, but some will say yes. And coffee is only coffee, but it's still a plus to your life, and if it goes well, you can ask them out again. Statistically, the more often you try, the better your odds - and remember they're trying too; they come to that first date hoping you'll be The One. So keep trying; practice makes perfect.
What I told my daughter, I'll tell you too: if what you want is to get married, don't go out with anyone you already know you wouldn't want to marry. Don't keep going out with someone you wouldn't marry. It's far kinder to all concerned to break up sooner and cut your losses than to drag it out when it's never going to work.
It may be that you got broken-up-with at the 2-3 year mark because you didn't ask them to marry you, and they figured that if you hadn't by then, you weren't gonna. Sounds like they were not so much worth marrying anyway, so you lucked out. If you've been going out with someone two or three years, it's time to either pop the question or quit wasting her time; women who want kids can't wait forever to have them.
*hugs* I do like you a lot; please keep writing, and I will keep writing back, as my schedule and Livejournal's rotten glitchy program allow. Hang in there; things will get better this year.