Something I posted on a self help website
Aug. 18th, 2013 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathor“Socially Awkward” is a value judgment which is subjective. Let me point out something. You make a claim at the top of this page that any person can effectively “make smooth conversation with anyone.” This is an impossibility. Doesn’t matter how capable of a conversationalist, how charismatic, how good looking you are. Doesn’t matter what social status you have, or what social cues you are providing. Not everyone is going to respond to you smoothly – particularly if they don’t really have any fucking interest in what you have to say. And sorry to say, but, what most people talk about – namely themselves – I don’t have much a fucking interest in. I have interest in ideas, in events, in things bigger than man in his little time capsule. I like to theory craft. I don’t like to talk about mundane life experiences. So no, in the charismatic, middle of the bell curve, average world – not only am I different, but I’ve really no interest in participating in the little, ignorant power games. I’ve watched people try to play the charismatic part – it’s fucking retarded. Being yourself is far more respectable.
What really pisses me off about self-help websites and books is that they feed off of people who already have this premise developed inside of themselves that there is something WRONG with them. There’s nothing fucking WRONG with ANYONE! Unless you are, say, immoral, sociopathic, selfish, violent, inconsiderate, self-indulgent, self-righteous…a list of negative attributes goes on. These attributes are present in all of us but they are usually on very minor levels – some people express them very significantly – these are the people who have something wrong with them.
Having a lot of real friends is pretty rare. There are people out there who manage to build a network of thousands of people – but none of these people can conceivably be all that interested in the one person. The interactions necessary to build a long-lasting, meaningful rapport are too time consuming, and too circumstance dependent to be fabricated. Just think about it – if you’ve been on a few dates with a few different people, and it didn’t work out, did those ten or twenty total hours together result in you staying lifelong friends? What about all the nameless people you had an hour long conversation with at a party or get-together, only to never remember their name, and possibly never come across them again? (and if you got their number, eventually you hardly ever talk – because you’re already up keeping a number of other relationships?)
For those reading this site, you need to ask yourself:
Do you WANT surface-level interactions with people? Do you have the energy and interest level necessary to continue doing that for extensive periods of time, which is basically the underlying premise of any self-help or networking strategy? Most people who might consider themselves socially awkward PROBABLY withdrew for the very reason that they did not want to waste vital time and energy on what amounts to very brief, quite meaningless interactions with people.
Do you WANT to be like these people that you haven’t really enjoyed interacting with? Do you want to be the person that intimidates, causes anxiety, gets in others’ personal space for the sake of pleasing the middle of the bell curve? Think about it – if you become that person, you will only alienate the people who are like you RIGHT NOW. THOSE are the people that you need to seek out! THOSE are the people who /NEED YOU/. The middle of the bell curve, the average, the normal – these people don’t need us, and they’ve made it annoyingly apparent for our entire lives. You are the way you are because people treated you like shit. Those people are the bane of the planet. And you know it deep down.
What really pisses me off about self-help websites and books is that they feed off of people who already have this premise developed inside of themselves that there is something WRONG with them. There’s nothing fucking WRONG with ANYONE! Unless you are, say, immoral, sociopathic, selfish, violent, inconsiderate, self-indulgent, self-righteous…a list of negative attributes goes on. These attributes are present in all of us but they are usually on very minor levels – some people express them very significantly – these are the people who have something wrong with them.
Having a lot of real friends is pretty rare. There are people out there who manage to build a network of thousands of people – but none of these people can conceivably be all that interested in the one person. The interactions necessary to build a long-lasting, meaningful rapport are too time consuming, and too circumstance dependent to be fabricated. Just think about it – if you’ve been on a few dates with a few different people, and it didn’t work out, did those ten or twenty total hours together result in you staying lifelong friends? What about all the nameless people you had an hour long conversation with at a party or get-together, only to never remember their name, and possibly never come across them again? (and if you got their number, eventually you hardly ever talk – because you’re already up keeping a number of other relationships?)
For those reading this site, you need to ask yourself:
Do you WANT surface-level interactions with people? Do you have the energy and interest level necessary to continue doing that for extensive periods of time, which is basically the underlying premise of any self-help or networking strategy? Most people who might consider themselves socially awkward PROBABLY withdrew for the very reason that they did not want to waste vital time and energy on what amounts to very brief, quite meaningless interactions with people.
Do you WANT to be like these people that you haven’t really enjoyed interacting with? Do you want to be the person that intimidates, causes anxiety, gets in others’ personal space for the sake of pleasing the middle of the bell curve? Think about it – if you become that person, you will only alienate the people who are like you RIGHT NOW. THOSE are the people that you need to seek out! THOSE are the people who /NEED YOU/. The middle of the bell curve, the average, the normal – these people don’t need us, and they’ve made it annoyingly apparent for our entire lives. You are the way you are because people treated you like shit. Those people are the bane of the planet. And you know it deep down.
