Argh...

Apr. 21st, 2010 11:06 pm
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[personal profile] sathor
There's a difference between what's inside and what's outside.

What's out there, I don't control...it doesn't have a script...

I can imagine in my mind that I will meet or have already met, or am already with a beautiful woman...I can develop complex ideas, turn it into a story...make it as perfect as my heart would ever ache with desire for...

But in reality, the likelihood that I will ever experience that is so incredibly slim...I control nothing outside of my head, but I can control everything infinitely inside of it.

It is this conflict of infinity and the finite that creates so many problems for me...

It's so hard for me to accept that I really can't do and have anything I want...

It's so hard that I'd rather die than accept it, and so I will live on, likely cynical and never having fully realized my hopes and dreams and desires...and all of the many possibilities that could've been.

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