(no subject)
Feb. 4th, 2010 09:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorI have absolutely nothing to say, really.
Beginning to feel like I'm going to have to sacrifice some dreams of mine to ever live a happy, fulfilling life.
Problem is I'm not too sure that's even possible at this point, mainly because I think life is just one giant joke. I mean, I know it is, fundamentally...there's only two conceivable reasons I am here, one is that there is no God and I'm just an accident of chance, the other is that I'm supposed to be learning something so eventually "I" can cease to exist and live in eternal bliss as one with God. Every religion pretty much adheres to that conception.
So ultimately, I'm really pissed off I wasn't born as one of those top 5-10% guys that can have all the fun they want, because either way they're learning and having fun, or going to die and enter oblivion just the same. I don't really see the benefit in someone having to live through hell to have the same end as another.
What would be good is if every undesirable person didn't have offspring. Eventually, the world would only consist of desirable people, and then at least the future would be secured as a wonderful, happy place.
Seems selfish for people to try and create anything other than that.
Beginning to feel like I'm going to have to sacrifice some dreams of mine to ever live a happy, fulfilling life.
Problem is I'm not too sure that's even possible at this point, mainly because I think life is just one giant joke. I mean, I know it is, fundamentally...there's only two conceivable reasons I am here, one is that there is no God and I'm just an accident of chance, the other is that I'm supposed to be learning something so eventually "I" can cease to exist and live in eternal bliss as one with God. Every religion pretty much adheres to that conception.
So ultimately, I'm really pissed off I wasn't born as one of those top 5-10% guys that can have all the fun they want, because either way they're learning and having fun, or going to die and enter oblivion just the same. I don't really see the benefit in someone having to live through hell to have the same end as another.
What would be good is if every undesirable person didn't have offspring. Eventually, the world would only consist of desirable people, and then at least the future would be secured as a wonderful, happy place.
Seems selfish for people to try and create anything other than that.
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no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 06:54 am (UTC)You remember when we met? And I tore into you about your life? I don't really know how much you know about mine, but honestly, I'm not the offspring of desirable people.
My father was an abusive person with a pathological hatred of men brought on by a childhood of abuse. He transitioned into a woman when I was very young, and took out her aggressions on me. I was the focus of everything wrong in the world because not only was I a boy, but I was her son. She lied, she cheated, she stole. She ultimately meant well, in the last few years of her life she tried to make amends. But I don't know how well she really succeeded.
My birth mother is an abusive woman with a drug dependency who has eaten herself into a disability, and now she complains she's fat. She did so because she was sick of having to work. She's a lying bitch who has no concept of interpersonal relationships, and is pretty generally awful to be around.
I'm no saint myself, but I came out of a pretty shitty childhood with these two undesirables to be a relatively decent human being, if my friends and acquaintances are to be trusted. Good things can come from awful people.
I'm sorry your life sucks, I wish I could make it better. I've told you to move to the bay area and I'd date you. :P *hugs* I'm just sayin'. Don't generalize so much, it's not quite what you make it out to be.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 11:20 am (UTC)It's more a matter of feeling like my genetics/personality aren't good enough to warrant notice by the opposing sex. I've known a lot of guys who get pretty much whatever they want, and to be honest, they lack in so many ways...but guess what...they have that perfect look and that's what all the girlies want...it works vice versa too...
I'm really unhappy with some things. And I mean, my history relationship-wise just doesn't help at all.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 01:35 pm (UTC)Hell if I know.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 11:43 am (UTC)I could not agree more.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 12:01 pm (UTC)There's a lot of flaws in the argument but the fact is I just feel like -I'm- being evolved out of the world. The world wants what it wants and I'm too stubborn to make myself into that, because I actually do love myself...it's just that it seems like the world doesn't like to love people like me...even if I have all of the love in my heart for those around me. Mass media has changed so much...so much...God, it's sickening...
If it's not sarcastic, well...I am sorta surprised you feel this way...but you're the kind of person I would envision the future having...beautiful, intelligent people...not people like me, or like paris hilton, who lack something...
I feel like the statement is almost what you'd expect a martyr to say...a kind of removing oneself from the cycle, because you know deep down your offspring will be like you, why put them through this?
Sigh
no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 08:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-05 08:29 pm (UTC)But maybe you've experienced negativity enough like me to see that