![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorAnother dream.
It began with me waking up in the forest. Deep in the forest behind my house. It was getting late, so I started walking towards my home.
I only went a short distance and came to a landmark. Here was a small grotto. Everything was lush and beautiful, it was late spring, I think. The sun was shining up above the canopy and there wasn't anything very dangerous. But I came across a massive female bear and her equally large cub, whom I did sense a good deal of aggression from, but they turned and fled. So I kept walking.
I was moving through the dense brush and undergrowth...lots of fallen trees and things that needed to be avoided. But it was not anything I couldn't handle. Just before the field though signaling the final stretch home, I came across the grizzlies again. And this time the mother lunged towards me threateningly, and I bolted. As I looked behind me, she followed for a moment but quickly became uninterested once more.
As I was making my way through the field, I saw lots of activity at the house. There's a pattern here. I saw lots of activity the prior time I had a dream involving my father, too. Something was going on - but I can't remember what. I remember there was something said about a well needing to be shut off before it could cause any damage. It was -very- strange, I do remember feeling that way. Not much was exchanged between my father and I at all, other than me talking to him about the grizzlies in the forest, whom apparently I had scared in his direction the first time, as he was working on aforementioned well at the time (I had passed it at the final interaction with the bears.) Just a normal average everyday interaction, where nothing meaningful is ever really said between us. Bleh.
This dream was frightening, okay. It was frightening in some instances the entire way through it. Not the one I wrote prior to this, I suppose I'm hiding the best for last. This dream was ridiculous.
I just remember another aspect of it. I'm very lucky because I think the themes are very important to remember.
The beginning of a dream had an internal dialouge, or maybe it was a dialouge to me, coming from a man wielding a runesword, apparently. This runesword allowed for the usage of portals. This man inparticular was good, I think - there was nothing frightening about him. But that section ends ubruptly, and I am cast into one of the worlds.
In this particular world, Val is here too. And apparently, I've been collecting runes, and so has she. But there's an individual who wants them very terribly, and for whatever reason, I am compelled to help him do so. I know he had something he held over her head, not literally, but metaphorically. There was some reason she was so willing to give up the runes. But it wasn't so simple, after all - they had to be collected. Things get fuzzy here. There was a lot of portal jumping and a lot of searching. But eventually, she found all of the runes she could find and gave them to this mysterious man. But it wasn't enough...luckily, i had the rest stashed away, for a rainy day apparently. Not that I didn't earn them.
After this, the sorceror disappears and we're left standing in my living room unharmed...things seem pretty normal. But for some reason there's a degree of love here, and something happens. There's a hug and a kiss, and from there it goes to where one would expect. I suppose it has something to do with the fact we accomplished something together, and that we helped eachother to get out of whatever that individual was holding over -our- heads. We're interrupted midway, however. And after the interruption has vacated the premisis, -she- finds her car keys and decides to leave. The way she words it, the way she just walks away after we shared that short moment in time together, I knew she didn't mean any of it. And suddenly I feel very dark. And suddenly I realize how hideous of a person she is for doing what she just did. And suddenly, I feel like I have a right to punish her. And I say something, very akin to, "You are lying to try and make yourself and me both feel good about what you are doing."
This is where the dream frightens me. It's me in the dream acting of course, it's me making those decisions, but it felt absolutely -not- like me at the same time. As she left my door I grabbed the back of her shirt, by her neck, and pulled then pushed - she fell to her knees but kept going, and I didn't chase. As she got to the car, a great spell was welling up in me. But the ramifications of this are just so absolutely horrifying. This may not be the scariest of dreams I have had, but it certainly has scared me senseless and probably with good reason.
"I am the greatest sorceror that has ever lived and you are going to regret this every day of your life."
"God - CAST HER DOWN."
And there was a great snap of thunder, and there was a bright flash of light that lasted not nearly as long, and suddenly the world had changed. She had just turned the key in her ignition prior, and at this moment the door of her car literally fell off as if struck by a powerful unseen hand.
Storm clouds flashed into existence above, dropping a torrential rain. Winds picked up from the east immediately, so harsh they could knock a man over. It looked like a hurricane, and the terror that accompanied it I can not be sure was God granted or merely just my perception of the scene, so absolutely mindblowing it was.
My attention had been taken utterly off of Val, and I found myself drawn inside myself, as if I were in my final moments and I had just been judged. I felt like I was staring into the face of a vengeful, angry God beset by a fool like me. There was another flash and boom, the percussive force strong enough to knock you over itself.
And standing before me was a beautiful young woman, robed in silver and white, with long white hair. The rain seemed to part around her, and she was not afraid at all. I could not see her face, and she did not speak...but I knew she was there to see me.
The end.
The whole of this dream, really. It breaks down to the final moments. There was one time I touched Val in a coveting or -want to keep you here- manner, and that was in the back of Rick's car years ago. We had broken up weeks prior, but Rick apparently convinced her to come hang out with us and drive around, drink, etc. We were all underage for the record.
When he drove her home, she was sitting next to me in the back of the car. And I had taken the conversation where it needed to go...I really wanted answers, I really wanted an explanation for everything, I really wanted to understand what happened, what I did wrong. But she never could give me any answers, and my prying only ever made things worse. She moved to get out of the car and I grabbed her left wrist with my right hand. It wasn't abuse, it was me making a fucking gesture that probably, in that instant, meant more than any number of fucking words could have ever expressed. But ultimately, she used that against me too. I "hurt" her, left a bruise. No, I really doubt I did.
But this dream in particular, makes me feel a great deal of guilt. I never condemned another person, never asked God to condemn another person. But I may have asked for him, or her, or they to make them suffer like myself. To make -them- understand -what- they did to me - and in one other case...what they've done to others as well as myself.
This dream told me something. In my interpretation, I have been condemned for what I've done, spiritually or otherwise. The woman in white represented - and the key is here that I was not frightened of her, I was frightened of what was happening before she appeared - my salvation.
I might have to do some digging in qabalistic or other religious references to come up with a solid understanding of this. But I know this was a very archetypal dream, and I know it had very strong significance.
At the end of the dream, when I woke up, the feeling of condemnation still lingered, the feeling of utter horror and even being terrified of my own self was still there.
I really hope the woman, goddess, whatever she was in white really does come to my aid.
It began with me waking up in the forest. Deep in the forest behind my house. It was getting late, so I started walking towards my home.
I only went a short distance and came to a landmark. Here was a small grotto. Everything was lush and beautiful, it was late spring, I think. The sun was shining up above the canopy and there wasn't anything very dangerous. But I came across a massive female bear and her equally large cub, whom I did sense a good deal of aggression from, but they turned and fled. So I kept walking.
I was moving through the dense brush and undergrowth...lots of fallen trees and things that needed to be avoided. But it was not anything I couldn't handle. Just before the field though signaling the final stretch home, I came across the grizzlies again. And this time the mother lunged towards me threateningly, and I bolted. As I looked behind me, she followed for a moment but quickly became uninterested once more.
As I was making my way through the field, I saw lots of activity at the house. There's a pattern here. I saw lots of activity the prior time I had a dream involving my father, too. Something was going on - but I can't remember what. I remember there was something said about a well needing to be shut off before it could cause any damage. It was -very- strange, I do remember feeling that way. Not much was exchanged between my father and I at all, other than me talking to him about the grizzlies in the forest, whom apparently I had scared in his direction the first time, as he was working on aforementioned well at the time (I had passed it at the final interaction with the bears.) Just a normal average everyday interaction, where nothing meaningful is ever really said between us. Bleh.
This dream was frightening, okay. It was frightening in some instances the entire way through it. Not the one I wrote prior to this, I suppose I'm hiding the best for last. This dream was ridiculous.
I just remember another aspect of it. I'm very lucky because I think the themes are very important to remember.
The beginning of a dream had an internal dialouge, or maybe it was a dialouge to me, coming from a man wielding a runesword, apparently. This runesword allowed for the usage of portals. This man inparticular was good, I think - there was nothing frightening about him. But that section ends ubruptly, and I am cast into one of the worlds.
In this particular world, Val is here too. And apparently, I've been collecting runes, and so has she. But there's an individual who wants them very terribly, and for whatever reason, I am compelled to help him do so. I know he had something he held over her head, not literally, but metaphorically. There was some reason she was so willing to give up the runes. But it wasn't so simple, after all - they had to be collected. Things get fuzzy here. There was a lot of portal jumping and a lot of searching. But eventually, she found all of the runes she could find and gave them to this mysterious man. But it wasn't enough...luckily, i had the rest stashed away, for a rainy day apparently. Not that I didn't earn them.
After this, the sorceror disappears and we're left standing in my living room unharmed...things seem pretty normal. But for some reason there's a degree of love here, and something happens. There's a hug and a kiss, and from there it goes to where one would expect. I suppose it has something to do with the fact we accomplished something together, and that we helped eachother to get out of whatever that individual was holding over -our- heads. We're interrupted midway, however. And after the interruption has vacated the premisis, -she- finds her car keys and decides to leave. The way she words it, the way she just walks away after we shared that short moment in time together, I knew she didn't mean any of it. And suddenly I feel very dark. And suddenly I realize how hideous of a person she is for doing what she just did. And suddenly, I feel like I have a right to punish her. And I say something, very akin to, "You are lying to try and make yourself and me both feel good about what you are doing."
This is where the dream frightens me. It's me in the dream acting of course, it's me making those decisions, but it felt absolutely -not- like me at the same time. As she left my door I grabbed the back of her shirt, by her neck, and pulled then pushed - she fell to her knees but kept going, and I didn't chase. As she got to the car, a great spell was welling up in me. But the ramifications of this are just so absolutely horrifying. This may not be the scariest of dreams I have had, but it certainly has scared me senseless and probably with good reason.
"I am the greatest sorceror that has ever lived and you are going to regret this every day of your life."
"God - CAST HER DOWN."
And there was a great snap of thunder, and there was a bright flash of light that lasted not nearly as long, and suddenly the world had changed. She had just turned the key in her ignition prior, and at this moment the door of her car literally fell off as if struck by a powerful unseen hand.
Storm clouds flashed into existence above, dropping a torrential rain. Winds picked up from the east immediately, so harsh they could knock a man over. It looked like a hurricane, and the terror that accompanied it I can not be sure was God granted or merely just my perception of the scene, so absolutely mindblowing it was.
My attention had been taken utterly off of Val, and I found myself drawn inside myself, as if I were in my final moments and I had just been judged. I felt like I was staring into the face of a vengeful, angry God beset by a fool like me. There was another flash and boom, the percussive force strong enough to knock you over itself.
And standing before me was a beautiful young woman, robed in silver and white, with long white hair. The rain seemed to part around her, and she was not afraid at all. I could not see her face, and she did not speak...but I knew she was there to see me.
The end.
The whole of this dream, really. It breaks down to the final moments. There was one time I touched Val in a coveting or -want to keep you here- manner, and that was in the back of Rick's car years ago. We had broken up weeks prior, but Rick apparently convinced her to come hang out with us and drive around, drink, etc. We were all underage for the record.
When he drove her home, she was sitting next to me in the back of the car. And I had taken the conversation where it needed to go...I really wanted answers, I really wanted an explanation for everything, I really wanted to understand what happened, what I did wrong. But she never could give me any answers, and my prying only ever made things worse. She moved to get out of the car and I grabbed her left wrist with my right hand. It wasn't abuse, it was me making a fucking gesture that probably, in that instant, meant more than any number of fucking words could have ever expressed. But ultimately, she used that against me too. I "hurt" her, left a bruise. No, I really doubt I did.
But this dream in particular, makes me feel a great deal of guilt. I never condemned another person, never asked God to condemn another person. But I may have asked for him, or her, or they to make them suffer like myself. To make -them- understand -what- they did to me - and in one other case...what they've done to others as well as myself.
This dream told me something. In my interpretation, I have been condemned for what I've done, spiritually or otherwise. The woman in white represented - and the key is here that I was not frightened of her, I was frightened of what was happening before she appeared - my salvation.
I might have to do some digging in qabalistic or other religious references to come up with a solid understanding of this. But I know this was a very archetypal dream, and I know it had very strong significance.
At the end of the dream, when I woke up, the feeling of condemnation still lingered, the feeling of utter horror and even being terrified of my own self was still there.
I really hope the woman, goddess, whatever she was in white really does come to my aid.
