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[sathor]

Show me a capitalist that has toiled in the pits of slavery, and I'll show you a being without a soul.

There is one other thing to add before I quit writing for tonight, likely.

Confucius also said that a superior man only surrounds himself with his equals (and superiors.)

I think, this has been a fact nearly my entire life, and likely a great reason why my circle has shrunken so much over the years. It may seem heartless, but one must be in control of their influences, lest they be taken down the wrong path. And I think, maybe, this has had something to do with whatever minute success I have had. That is to say, for someone without any friends left and living in rural pennsylvania, I've done pretty well. Of course, that will all change pretty directly.

I imagine going back to college quite a bit like getting smashed to bits. Wish I could find a different way to fund my life's purpose, but there doesn't appear to be any other. I don't mean getting smashed to bits because it will be above me...but because I won't be in control of what I'm being influenced by for a good long while.

Comments

[sathor.livejournal.com]

If you want to believe in the nonexistent virtues of capitalism, the economic style that has raped so very many people for generations now, that's your choice. It's a popular one and I'm not going to bother trying to defend a system which is inherently better for the whole of humanity, because that's the -direct aim- of it. Capitalism does not have a direct aim of helping the whole of humanity, and these companies succeeding (minding correlation does not mean causation) is not indicative of capitalism itself becoming better for the world than it ever was. Capitalism has the direct aim of allowing a few to succeed very incredibly, a larger portion to succeed, a much larger portion to be exploited for the very reason of allowing the smaller portions to succeed - just like slavery. The changes in our quality of life in this generation are not due to a success in capitalism but a success in technology, and capitalism is still acting as a glass ceiling for most people. In fact, capitalism -is- slavery, it's -wage slavery-.

I've read my journals from when I started this many times. I am not that much worse off, besides, you know, that I had someone of your relation give me HPV, cheat on me numerous times, and emotionally and sexually abuse me. Prior to that I had someone else completely destroy my ego. Maybe if you were faced with similar issues, namely, worrying that no one is ever going to give you a chance in a relationship because you have an incurable STD, you wouldn't feel so good about your future. Or, maybe if your job history was as shitty as mine, or maybe if you weren't sure your choice of profession was going to lead to the ability to even -survive- you would feel like I do. I have not done a 180, and I am not destroying myself. I am rather dissatisfied with my self, and I do figure that if I -was- worth something, by now, I would've managed something more than I have. I am -concerned- that I'm not going to -get- the opportunities I need to succeed. I am -worried-. I am not depressed.

Maybe the key is that I'd like to believe that society determines what it wants and doesn't want for itself, and it would appear that, so far, society wants absolutely -nothing- to do with someone like me. Hey, it's not like history hasn't set the precedent with various socially isolated philosophers and with the killing of socialists and whatnot.

[sathor.livejournal.com]

When they mix the systems, what happens is you have minorities granted free rides religiously, and those that come out of povertous households The "working class" get pinched, because, in my opinion, the system -wants working class children to become working class- and obviously, those coming from white collar families are going to have it much easier to begin with.

I looked at the cost for Oxford for one year, 6,000 Euros last year. That's a college you can actually transfer from princeton to. What's princeton? Like 40,000US. Problem is that you can't get FAFSA aid for out of country unless it -is- a "foreign transfer" for a year from a US college.

This country -is fucking ridiculous- and I don't see how more people aren't raising flags about it! We have the most atrocious higher education of any developed country in the fucking world! Higher education needs to be subsidized -at least- to the bachelors level, 100% as far as I'm concerned, shouldn't cost you a penny since you're going to be hard pressed to do much of anything beyond factory and service without a tech degree or a bachelors.

I have to get my fucking diploma first, my tax return is going to be half of it, my sister owes me $300 and hopefully my parents will pick up the change -just so I can get out of here and not have wasted 2.5 years of my life-

Your job history sounds similar to mine, I just worry that no one will take me because I'm a 22 year old with 6 months unemployed after college prior to his first "real" job and 6 months after quitting so far. I'm completely checked out with regards to working here, I don't have a car, and I don't want to work in the shitholes in this area anymore.

She lied to her whole family? Honestly, wouldn't know. Wouldn't know what she told anyone. All I do know is that most of my ex-friends won't talk to me and are buddy buddy with her. She still says she doesn't have HPV, and I'm sure her sexual tendencies haven't changed. Hopefully someday it comes back to bite her, because I don't feel it's very fair I'm dealing with visible symptoms and she's gotten off scott free so far. Maybe the current love of her life will end up with the symptoms too and then she'll get it through her thick, dumbass skull.

And uhh, it's not a matter of not being able to have a relationship without sex - it's a matter of getting to that point in a relationship and not wanting to have to deal with someone I've already become attached to saying, "sorry, this can't go on because you have HPV" and I think if you went around and asked people who are STD free if they got into a situation like that, you'd find unanimously that they -would leave-. -hopefully- there's a person with enough love out there willing to accept the possibility of contracting it, meaning they actually -desire to be in a monogamous relationship for life with me-

On the other hand, maybe it's a -good- thing, because it'll make me more likely to put off sex and it'll screen for someone who really loves me. Time will tell.

Cookie is a liar, yes, the problem is you can't get her to admit to it and personally I never understood that. She's emotionally abusive, controlling and if she were a male I'm pretty sure she'd be physically abusive. I remember the tantrums she would throw. I remember a lot more than I used to.

Unfortunately, that experience has left me very suspicious of women with any degree of beauty.

[sathor.livejournal.com]

Reading "If you're willing to pay that in return for the benefits provided, then that's what immigration is for, since it'd be nearly impossible to convince enough of the US to go to that system and have the lawmakers actually do it right." put this in perspective actually. What we have now are a lot of near-retirement and middle aged folks who didn't -have- to have a college education to get to their income level, but -anyone replacing them- will probably need it. -THEY- don't want to pay a tax increase like that, but I bet you money anyone burdened with huge college loans -would have- ... I -know- I would. It's for the better of society, that is a burden worth carrying! That is my problem with society mainly, individuals are hardly willing to carry burdens for others, and this is caused partially by our systems of media and social conditioning, the capitalist mentality which I'm not really sure we can ever be rid of without a system to replace it.

Oxford would have cost $6,000 euros last year. I don't know why it increased this year suddenly (I noticed that as well.) Likely because they were getting a lot of US applicants who wanted to escape the US costs, and they had to compensate for that. And yeah, it is interesting that Devry roughly compares to Oxford cost-wise - Oxford is an incredibly brand name school. Not saying Devry isn't, but I'd say Oxford is an ivy-league of the world.

Cookie left me claiming she had "become a result of her upbringing" - that was the only excuse she ever really had, everything else were cop-outs and finger pointing at me (and I'm a good person, I have my moments where I doubt it because I haven't had any relationships since, but I think that's honestly a result of my circumstances and not me as a human being.) If she really believes she can't control who she is, then that's even worse. Fundamentally, that shouldn't be an issue and you shouldn't be using it as an excuse for atrocious behavior. Being a "slut" or a poly -openly- is one thing, claiming to be monogamous, staying in those relationships and having fun on the outside all the while lying about it is a breach of trust, and poly's don't even agree with that sort of shit. They have -rules- too.