![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
As an underlying thought, I don't really enjoy drinking anymore - at times it's alright while the drinking is going on and good times are to be had - but the after effects, for me, are far too grueling to be worth it - whether I drink a lot, or drink a little.
Last night I went and stayed at R's new place and played Cards Against Humanity with him and his wifey-girlfriend thing. There were a few other people there - C, the younger sister of an old high school friend of mine, and two others showed up a bit later.
Pretty uneventful night really. One of the latecomers (an ex of Rs and someone I've been in peripheral contact with long enough to know) had some things to say that I didn't quite appreciate - of course she was high (and likely drunk) so I'll let it pass, but on that same token, it's not as if I didn't know. Out of nowhere she compared me to her supervisor who is easy to get along with but "weird." And went on at length about this topic. No one else was involved in the conversation - just her and I. I really couldn't figure out if this was her awkward attempt at making conversation with me or what, but it's not as if I wasn't already aware of her sentiments.
Of course I'm "weird." I've spent the better portion of my life reading books that hardly anybody does anymore...pursuing music...and in general not really trying to fit in to the cliques. That, and I've suffered from social ostracization (and I am probably deficient in social skills) for the better portion of my life as well. So it's really an unnecessary statement - her saying it turns what can be a comfortable situation into an uncomfortable one, and besides that, it will change nothing. Want to make me less weird? Try being a respectful human being. That tends to work. M as we'll call her isn't exactly a shining example of a human being herself - and wouldn't even get a foot in the door in a lot of cliques that I could function just fine in. She thinks before she speaks, and if she does have substance to her, doesn't show it - because that would be an unpopular thing to do. I've always been relatively fond of her, but not when she's that inconsiderate.
R and his g/f dragged me to the bar after cards - I won four or five games of pool in a row. I play pool a handful of times a year, so that's rather impressive. Plenty of other weirdness went on (a mutual friend of R and his g/f trying to convince them to have a threesome with her - seriously) but outside of that, I'd call it an uneventful and "good" night.
Now remind me not to drink for another six months preferably, or better yet - never again. I'd rather have my wits about me and not feel like shit for two-three days.
I did see an old friend at the Bar, J. Talked a bit with him about some different things (my sister and niece particularly) but also on the topic of drugs (as he's a recovering addict like my sister.) That got us on the topic of marijuana, and he has the same reasons for not smoking it anymore as I do - it causes panic and anxiety attacks.
It never used to do that for me. But it's 100% predictable at this point - on a rare occasion I've either had a strain (or unaltered marijuana) that doesn't do it, but basically everything on the market does. So it's just not OK for me to smoke it anymore. There are times that I wish I still could, because it was truly enjoyable to work on music and have the benefit of more sensitivity/euphoria. But I'm not privy to that any longer - and I still believe, in a way, that my general anxiety issues could have been caused by it as well.
My theory (and it is just a theory) is that I am already a hypersensitive person - that hypersensitivity may have grown as I got older - and when I smoke weed, it makes my senses - which are already in overdrive - get even more sensitive.
Last night I went and stayed at R's new place and played Cards Against Humanity with him and his wifey-girlfriend thing. There were a few other people there - C, the younger sister of an old high school friend of mine, and two others showed up a bit later.
Pretty uneventful night really. One of the latecomers (an ex of Rs and someone I've been in peripheral contact with long enough to know) had some things to say that I didn't quite appreciate - of course she was high (and likely drunk) so I'll let it pass, but on that same token, it's not as if I didn't know. Out of nowhere she compared me to her supervisor who is easy to get along with but "weird." And went on at length about this topic. No one else was involved in the conversation - just her and I. I really couldn't figure out if this was her awkward attempt at making conversation with me or what, but it's not as if I wasn't already aware of her sentiments.
Of course I'm "weird." I've spent the better portion of my life reading books that hardly anybody does anymore...pursuing music...and in general not really trying to fit in to the cliques. That, and I've suffered from social ostracization (and I am probably deficient in social skills) for the better portion of my life as well. So it's really an unnecessary statement - her saying it turns what can be a comfortable situation into an uncomfortable one, and besides that, it will change nothing. Want to make me less weird? Try being a respectful human being. That tends to work. M as we'll call her isn't exactly a shining example of a human being herself - and wouldn't even get a foot in the door in a lot of cliques that I could function just fine in. She thinks before she speaks, and if she does have substance to her, doesn't show it - because that would be an unpopular thing to do. I've always been relatively fond of her, but not when she's that inconsiderate.
R and his g/f dragged me to the bar after cards - I won four or five games of pool in a row. I play pool a handful of times a year, so that's rather impressive. Plenty of other weirdness went on (a mutual friend of R and his g/f trying to convince them to have a threesome with her - seriously) but outside of that, I'd call it an uneventful and "good" night.
Now remind me not to drink for another six months preferably, or better yet - never again. I'd rather have my wits about me and not feel like shit for two-three days.
I did see an old friend at the Bar, J. Talked a bit with him about some different things (my sister and niece particularly) but also on the topic of drugs (as he's a recovering addict like my sister.) That got us on the topic of marijuana, and he has the same reasons for not smoking it anymore as I do - it causes panic and anxiety attacks.
It never used to do that for me. But it's 100% predictable at this point - on a rare occasion I've either had a strain (or unaltered marijuana) that doesn't do it, but basically everything on the market does. So it's just not OK for me to smoke it anymore. There are times that I wish I still could, because it was truly enjoyable to work on music and have the benefit of more sensitivity/euphoria. But I'm not privy to that any longer - and I still believe, in a way, that my general anxiety issues could have been caused by it as well.
My theory (and it is just a theory) is that I am already a hypersensitive person - that hypersensitivity may have grown as I got older - and when I smoke weed, it makes my senses - which are already in overdrive - get even more sensitive.
