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Jun. 19th, 2014 10:45 pmFor the interesting thought tonight, the only things that are really permanent in our lives are the sun, moon, earth and the stars. Everything else is transitory: our relationship status, friends, job, physical and emotional well-being. I've always struggled accepting those transitory states, unless they are in a favorable transition.
I feel rather lacking in words tonight. I've felt upbeat this week - even with a few hiccups here and there, work has gone well and I've been taking it quite easy. I helped my father cutting and loading pieces of a very large (24" diameter+) oak tree that had fallen a few hundred feet into the woods on our property. It seems a little early for winter wood gathering, but he is aging and I suppose he knows he's going to need more and more time as the years draw on (although eventually, I hope, he and my mother switch to gas because I really feel he won't be able to do this for another ten years.) That brings up more thoughts on transitory things - obviously, they are both going to perish eventually. I hate the thought of it. You'd think a person like my father could live forever, having worked hard his entire life and never seeming to slow down, but it's just not possible is it? We're all mortal. And I suppose in that regard I should, at least, be more accepting of my own circumstances - no matter what they are, they won't last forever either. All of my desires and accomplishments, all of my belongings, and all of my collective memories, will pass to dust. Even if I have children, I'm simply securing them the same fate as my self. That of course is still on my mind as well.
I've had dreams about Cookie for a few nights in a row. Last night's was different, though. Something about it led to an epiphany during the day...primarily that it is OKAY that the relationship ended...and in fact...there were a lot of good memories that I cherish from it. It would be wrong of me to hold contempt and negativity towards her, or to feel that way over the relationship itself...because really, would I be any better off having not ever had it at all? At least I was able to love in this life, even if the opportunity never presents itself again. I would not be a failure for lack of love, or lack of trying, or lack of good intentions. It felt like closure in a way, and the epiphany itself ripples out into my other relationships as well...they are all the same in that regard. I may be hurt, but I don't have to believe that my love was meaningless or that the experiences weren't worth having simply because of how it all ended. in fact, if I were to generalize that sort of perspective to life as a whole, there wouldn't be much meaning to IT either. Death isn't exactly a satisfying end to life, much like how being cheated on, or being left for someone else, isn't really a satisfactory end to a relationship.
But that end isn't in my control, and it wasn't - and can't be - my decision to make.
I feel rather lacking in words tonight. I've felt upbeat this week - even with a few hiccups here and there, work has gone well and I've been taking it quite easy. I helped my father cutting and loading pieces of a very large (24" diameter+) oak tree that had fallen a few hundred feet into the woods on our property. It seems a little early for winter wood gathering, but he is aging and I suppose he knows he's going to need more and more time as the years draw on (although eventually, I hope, he and my mother switch to gas because I really feel he won't be able to do this for another ten years.) That brings up more thoughts on transitory things - obviously, they are both going to perish eventually. I hate the thought of it. You'd think a person like my father could live forever, having worked hard his entire life and never seeming to slow down, but it's just not possible is it? We're all mortal. And I suppose in that regard I should, at least, be more accepting of my own circumstances - no matter what they are, they won't last forever either. All of my desires and accomplishments, all of my belongings, and all of my collective memories, will pass to dust. Even if I have children, I'm simply securing them the same fate as my self. That of course is still on my mind as well.
I've had dreams about Cookie for a few nights in a row. Last night's was different, though. Something about it led to an epiphany during the day...primarily that it is OKAY that the relationship ended...and in fact...there were a lot of good memories that I cherish from it. It would be wrong of me to hold contempt and negativity towards her, or to feel that way over the relationship itself...because really, would I be any better off having not ever had it at all? At least I was able to love in this life, even if the opportunity never presents itself again. I would not be a failure for lack of love, or lack of trying, or lack of good intentions. It felt like closure in a way, and the epiphany itself ripples out into my other relationships as well...they are all the same in that regard. I may be hurt, but I don't have to believe that my love was meaningless or that the experiences weren't worth having simply because of how it all ended. in fact, if I were to generalize that sort of perspective to life as a whole, there wouldn't be much meaning to IT either. Death isn't exactly a satisfying end to life, much like how being cheated on, or being left for someone else, isn't really a satisfactory end to a relationship.
But that end isn't in my control, and it wasn't - and can't be - my decision to make.
