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Mar. 20th, 2011 08:13 pmPetroleum, rust and metal shaving covered jeans, lightly stained by the aforementioned...and a band t-shirt, and a contractor ball cap with a large triangle with the words "Delta Nooter" worn backwards. That about sums up my appearance today. Five years ago, it was a band t-shirt, and a bandana, and bondage pants. Hm hm. Interesting how things change.
My taste in music has spread out quite a bit. I hardly listen to anything in my CD collection...admittedly, that's because I don't have a functional CD drive or CD player anymore...but even if I did...I would probably listen to classical, jazz, progressive metal...not angsty goth rock or industrial. On occasion, I suppose. And I still stay the hell away from country, pop and this new age emo/hardcore bullshit. Garbage music in, garbage music out.
I can remember envisioning some kind of idealized version of the future back then, just before I graduated from highschool. I can remember seeing myself as some sort of hippy-goth that had a circle of friends who all shared the same interests and drugs, living in some city somewhere. But to be honest, I don't really think that would've ever happened...and even if it had, I doubt it would have made me all that happy. I remember when I was in NYC, I only saw about as many goths as I ever knew in Warren County. It simply isn't all that common of a subculture. Of course, it was daytime...but I think the point is, you're restricting yourself more than you are opening yourself up by being visibly counter-culture. People are far more accepting, and are generally more agreeable, when you appear more similarly. Keeping your dress simple and effective, and common, is the best way to do that. The easiest way to stand out is by your actions and speech...not by your appearance...with certainty.
I used to have three piercings in each ear, and I wore a silver hoop of varying sizes in each. I could always go back to that, but I haven't worn them in months. I find that people are more positive towards me as a result of this. And there's seems to be less assumption about my sexuality as a result of that change as well. I can't say I've received more attention from women, but on the other hand, I can't say I've been around very many either since Alaska. In Alaska, I actually did receive quite a bit of attention, even if it wasn't under the pretense of sex (except in the case of Susan, who really jumped on pretty quickly tbh.)
I have to wonder what exactly the future has in store for me. I'm not sure the refinery is a permanent spot for me. Neither am I sure a return to college is honestly in my heart. I feel rather lost at the moment...not in self doubt, but simply lost in a sea of possibilities. There's far too many, really. I think by restricting myself, maybe I will enhance my creativity. They say this is a truth, but I can't be sure.
I think what I need right now is an active social life, some romantic interests, and more audio equipment. I need to focus my energies in improving those parts of my life right now.
My taste in music has spread out quite a bit. I hardly listen to anything in my CD collection...admittedly, that's because I don't have a functional CD drive or CD player anymore...but even if I did...I would probably listen to classical, jazz, progressive metal...not angsty goth rock or industrial. On occasion, I suppose. And I still stay the hell away from country, pop and this new age emo/hardcore bullshit. Garbage music in, garbage music out.
I can remember envisioning some kind of idealized version of the future back then, just before I graduated from highschool. I can remember seeing myself as some sort of hippy-goth that had a circle of friends who all shared the same interests and drugs, living in some city somewhere. But to be honest, I don't really think that would've ever happened...and even if it had, I doubt it would have made me all that happy. I remember when I was in NYC, I only saw about as many goths as I ever knew in Warren County. It simply isn't all that common of a subculture. Of course, it was daytime...but I think the point is, you're restricting yourself more than you are opening yourself up by being visibly counter-culture. People are far more accepting, and are generally more agreeable, when you appear more similarly. Keeping your dress simple and effective, and common, is the best way to do that. The easiest way to stand out is by your actions and speech...not by your appearance...with certainty.
I used to have three piercings in each ear, and I wore a silver hoop of varying sizes in each. I could always go back to that, but I haven't worn them in months. I find that people are more positive towards me as a result of this. And there's seems to be less assumption about my sexuality as a result of that change as well. I can't say I've received more attention from women, but on the other hand, I can't say I've been around very many either since Alaska. In Alaska, I actually did receive quite a bit of attention, even if it wasn't under the pretense of sex (except in the case of Susan, who really jumped on pretty quickly tbh.)
I have to wonder what exactly the future has in store for me. I'm not sure the refinery is a permanent spot for me. Neither am I sure a return to college is honestly in my heart. I feel rather lost at the moment...not in self doubt, but simply lost in a sea of possibilities. There's far too many, really. I think by restricting myself, maybe I will enhance my creativity. They say this is a truth, but I can't be sure.
I think what I need right now is an active social life, some romantic interests, and more audio equipment. I need to focus my energies in improving those parts of my life right now.
