Why you shouldn't play games.

They make real life seem pretty dull. Seriously.

Don't game. It's as bad as smoking, only with the added side-effect of reality no longer being appealing. Kindof like a mild form of LSD.

Stuff :)

Compromise is a pretty integral aspect of any relationship, right?

So what does it mean when you're with someone...and they're never interested in watching any your favorite programs/movies (only theirs), never interested the least bit in what you do (music, art, mysticism, academia, etc), never interested in doing anything you are interested in, period? I can name the two things she did with me that I was even remotely interested in - Chess and this stupid forum-based game I used to play. I think she posted twice in the forum, and I think we might've played chess a few times. She wanted me to teach her how to play - which is a pretty simple thing really, learning how the pieces move isn't ROCKET SCIENCE. But after three times, she still needed me to tell her how to move individual pieces...and that told me she had no interest in it really - she was just doing it to appease me, probably because SHE KNEW DAMN WELL SHE NEVER WANTED TO GET INVOLVED WITH ANYTHING I ENJOYED. But here I was, letting her cut my hair, do her cosmetology stuff on me to stay in practice (when, you know, she wanted to be a productive citizen instead of an attention-whoring bartender) talking with her about cosmetology (slightly intriguing, one of the few things she talked about I could stand) and pretty much just...being leashed.

What does all that mean, exactly? Does that mean they were uncompromising, that the relationship was surely doomed to failure? And if so, why would such a person place the BLAME on the other individual? (The one who, seemingly, never does anything they like to do)

Is this because, as humans, we have to rationalize our behavior? Because we like to see ourselves through rose-colored glasses? Because it would crush our psyche to believe for a minute that we were the fuck up, so we have to make sure the other believes it more than we do?

Well, I know for a fact that believing we were the fuck up doesn't crush the psyche. In fact, I'd imagine rationalization and repression of FACTUAL REALITY would PROBABLY lead to more significant problems down the line than realizing we were the fuck up and learning from our mistake (which she hasn't done...heh)

Taking my understanding of subjectivity, I know that perceptual differences in events can result in a large portion of issues and problems. But perceptual differences only go so far. I know for a fact my ex knows damn well we only ever watched her TV programs. That we hardly ever went out to see my friends (who she said were hers too for a long time!) because she never wanted too - sometimes she'd end up saying, "I just want to stay home" sometimes it would end up in a fight, "I hardly ever get out, we spend every day together, why is it such a problem if we go hang out with them for a few hours?"

I admit only the following discrepancies, because they are true and real.

#1 I didn't like her friends. I found most of them to be the bottom of the barrel with regards to human kind. The worst part is that most of them were adults nearly my age that acted like prepubescent boys. Melissa was crazy to believe that Dale would really stick with her, that their age difference could lead to a healthy relationship especially with a child (sometimes I wonder if she /really/ even believed it would work out.) But from the private conversations Melissa and I had, the reality was this: She lost the man she really loved because she made some mistakes. Why does this sound so familiar? My ex dates a 30-something with the same name, and age.

I did, however, like Jessica. To me, she seemed a helluva lot more mature than my ex, and I enjoyed that. She was also usually pretty damn up-beat, and I liked that too. I just never talked to her when she was around because I didn't want my ex getting uncomfortable (after all, she claimed that Jess used to look at the bulge in my pants and all sort of nonsense like that. I think she claimed that with every girl we came in contact with. -rolls eyes-)

My ex is crazy to believe that her Dale will really stick with her (if she ends up pregnant at any given point.) Although, I hardly think it will be an issue because she will most assuredly leave him (unless she never leaves this area, which is a significant possibility. Man, I pity her.)

Also, please note. The dude got a DUI. She claimed it got dropped. That's fucking sad. If he was over the limit, he needs to be off the fucking roads. I'm sorry. I hate DUI attorneys for that specific reason. When someone you know dies because of a drunk driver, maybe you won't be HAPPY SOME FUCKING RETARD GOT OFF THE HOOK. Compounding the issue is that back when you told me about him first, when you were "helping him" (i.e. sucking his dick and then coming home to suck mine) you essentially made it sound like he was PRETTY FUCKING IMPAIRED AS AN INDIVIDUAL IN SOCIETY. A PERSON LIKE THAT DOESN'T NEED TO BE ENCOURAGED TO DRINK, OR DRINK AND DRIVE, AND HE SURE AS HELL DOESN'T NEED A 19 YEAR OLD CUNT LIKE YOURSELF LETTING HIM FUCK HIS BRAIN UP MORE WITH ALCOHOL AND HAVE YOU THERE TO OFFER HIM THE RIDE HOME. IF YOU WERE A DECENT HUMAN BEING AND GIRLFRIEND, YOU'D GET HIM TO STOP DRINKING, YOU'D STOP BARTENDING SO YOU WEREN'T ENCOURAGING IT, AND YOU'D GET ON WITH YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

I digress.

#2 Her friends, throughout history, were pretty much her entire life. There isn't anything more to my ex. It's the people she's met, it's the people she spends time with. That's all she is, was and will ever be. All she ever had to talk about were the people she was in contact with. Nothing more. No deep thought. No care about politics, religion, academia, societal issues. No care about anyone but herself and the people she thinks revolve around her. That's fucking terrible. Honestly, I don't think I ever met anyone in my entire life who was so consumed in themselves and the people they are in contact with. It bordered on psychosis or obsession. I realize now, that one of my BIGGEST issues with her was that she was obsessed with me. She really had no sense of independence, and I'm afraid I don't think she ever will. She will be forever reliant on the people around her to keep her happy, satisfied, and busy.

And If I look at her past entries, and even if I think back to when we were together and she wrote about us - that's all she ever wrote about. She'd write about me, or her, or her friends. Or she'd write about how great things were with me, just like she is with Dale right now. Her conversational capacity was limited to the same arenas, and only on a rare occasion was it any different at all. Now that I think about it, the way she is writing about Dale is NO DIFFERENT than the way she wrote about me - and it foreshadows her future quite well, I think.

I was going to go off on some serious psychological examination, but I think I'll leave that for my private thoughts.

Bottom line is this - the more time I spend on my own, the more I realize who I am, and the more truths I realize about past experiences. The more I realize that I am this amazing person - especially recently - that I am attractive, and that I do attract people to me - that I offer very involving conversation to anyone who is in the room, and that I can make anyone smile with a simple hello and a twinkle in my eye, especially women!

And as for her - she made a pretty large mistake calling me not intelligent enough for her. I'm a pretty far cry from a 34 year old wasting away in a bar, you dumbass bitch :) Sometimes I think you've suffered some brain damage yourself, you know.

I know for a fact I am smarter than you. And that's probably one of the few things I can say with certainty in life. Unlike you, I am a nice, loving person. Unlike you, I have spent a large portion of my time improving myself so that I am A BETTER PERSON FOR MY LIFEMATE WHEN I FIND HER. Unlike you, I actually graduated college - even if it was just two years so far...and if you even MAKE IT through your first english class, it will probably be because YOU CHEATED JUST LIKE YOU CHEATED IN HIGHSCHOOL YOU DUMBASS BITCH! :)

I feel great!