Everything is turning a deeper shade of blue

So I feel it's time to take a step back instead of the step forward, I'd rather back up then get closer and harm her even more.

It's nights like this that make me ask questions that recieve no answers.

Is it my free spirit, my fear of hurting her, or my own fears of abandonment coming back to haunt me once more, that have led me to this action?

I can exist like this happily, but is this the best choice for now?

For now, at least, I think it is.

But things can change quickly in this world of mine.

Who knows...not I.

Peace.

(no subject)

I twist and turn and yet in the end I cannot stop the burn, the undeniable aspect of my self that there is no escape from. I walk as a contradiction. I am alone, and long to be with another, yet at the same time when I am with another I feel static and trapped. Maybe it is just that I have not found the right one yet...this is a possibility, I believe.

It is more possible to me, though, that my scars are affecting my ability to cope with different things in this world even now, so long after they have been stricken upon me.

I am free, but I am trapped. I am fluid, yet I am solid. I am, but I am not.

I feel. Yet, I do not feel.

There is an itch that cannot be scratched, even without the situations stress upon my psyche. Something is coming, though I do not know when. There is a change on the horizon.

Why me...

Why do I make so many mistakes? I feel like a total fucking idiot. And the worst person in the world right now. I'm so sorry.

(no subject)

I'm just seeing it from two worlds.

I have one that thinks he can handle it all by himself.

And I have the other that thinks he's done for if he's alone.

I guess the one complaining is always the loudest.

It's time to stop that.