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Feb. 9th, 2004 12:33 amThough I know that all people choose their paths, and I am not to say otherwise.
All of our actions reverberate in the cosmic dance.
This is why I know that I cannot just give myself away.
And I don't even want to. I don't even feel the need to. Whenever I think about it anymore it just seems like there's a cold blank spot. It feels like there's no point unless there's some sort of spark.
I only want to share myself with someone I /know/ I love.
I cannot allow my actions to be done simply for nothing more than physical pleasure.
It all seems so wrong. It seems like I'm being torn apart by contradictory sides. But how can there be contradiction if all people choose their path and it matters not? The only way that one could be better than another is that there is somehow a 'right' path, which I honestly cannot believe in because /there will always be a murderer and the murdered, there will always be the thief and the thieved/. It is the cycle of existence, there must always be an antithesis, there must always be that variety because everyone is in a different stage of their own consciousness and spirituality.
No matter what the definition of good and evil, there are people on both sides, all around and inside the circle of black and white colored in gray. All of them have their reasons, and even if they don't know them, they are underlying, part of their psyche, part of their journey, through life, through eternity in the cosmic dance.
If I gave myself away I would break in two.
Or would I?
Would I only break in two because I want to? Because I think I will?
Or will I break in two because I'm meant to, am I meant to fall? To stand tall?
But I feel so alone in these thoughts. I don't want to be alone anymore. I wish things would've worked out with the person I loved, but if they did, would I even think as I do now? I just...can't take it anymore.
It seems like the only thing left holding this broken psyche together is my religion.
But a heavy weight is always here.
All of our actions reverberate in the cosmic dance.
This is why I know that I cannot just give myself away.
And I don't even want to. I don't even feel the need to. Whenever I think about it anymore it just seems like there's a cold blank spot. It feels like there's no point unless there's some sort of spark.
I only want to share myself with someone I /know/ I love.
I cannot allow my actions to be done simply for nothing more than physical pleasure.
It all seems so wrong. It seems like I'm being torn apart by contradictory sides. But how can there be contradiction if all people choose their path and it matters not? The only way that one could be better than another is that there is somehow a 'right' path, which I honestly cannot believe in because /there will always be a murderer and the murdered, there will always be the thief and the thieved/. It is the cycle of existence, there must always be an antithesis, there must always be that variety because everyone is in a different stage of their own consciousness and spirituality.
No matter what the definition of good and evil, there are people on both sides, all around and inside the circle of black and white colored in gray. All of them have their reasons, and even if they don't know them, they are underlying, part of their psyche, part of their journey, through life, through eternity in the cosmic dance.
If I gave myself away I would break in two.
Or would I?
Would I only break in two because I want to? Because I think I will?
Or will I break in two because I'm meant to, am I meant to fall? To stand tall?
But I feel so alone in these thoughts. I don't want to be alone anymore. I wish things would've worked out with the person I loved, but if they did, would I even think as I do now? I just...can't take it anymore.
It seems like the only thing left holding this broken psyche together is my religion.
But a heavy weight is always here.
