Rinkage...

Alright...yay, no cass this time.

I did hang out with one of her roommates a lot though (He's cool as hell)

He is almost my height and weighs about 20 lbs. less, and dressing the same basically (minus accessories) hehe...cool guy

But...the first hour or two were pretty bad.

When i went up there nothing really felt the same, something wasn't clicking right...like i had my emotions stripped from me or the like.

Everyone was kinda distant and blah...but maybe it was just me...the place is kinda scarred as a bad one in my memory now because of the one person...

There was this girl up there that was annoying as fucking hell, kept asking me for hugs and danced with me once...I didn't feel anything, and I told her I wasn't in the best of moods quite a few times and yet...she persisted...frigging gods I hate people like that.

Veronica still likes me, but couldn't get this one guy to leave her alone so she had to deal with him basically the whole night. That was another partly source of my mood but I think most of my mood was caused from being tired and well...like i said...emotions stripped...

Anyway, I even told ryan not to mention me to cass, due to the fact if she can't remember me on her own, than it isn't worth it. There's so many cooler people out there that won't throw me to the side when they find someone who can legally date them and more friends.

There was a funny episode with Anthony (goth boi) and his girlfriend, Stacy decided to feel my chest, so I made the motion to feel hers and laughed (-snicker-) and anthony told me not to worry about it and felt /my/ chest, lol, so then stacy told me i had to feel his (so i did :P). Just the little things...

Lots of people like my chainmail bracelet, and It's great that no one else has one, and I doubt they ever will because they cannot remember the website! Mwahaha....

I got invited to go to a punk show today at...shit...6:30 i think...by Chad (cool guy as well, we bitched about politics a bit and how this really isn't a democratic republic and lots of stuff, lol)

But I doubt I can go because i won't have a ride back...that's always the way it is...and it will be that way till i get a car...

A 13 year old girl wanted to dance with me (don't ask...) anyway, I was a attracted (she was good looking) but she was shaking afterwards so I doubt she's a mature type of 13 year old...gave her my phone number because she asked, but oh well.

Finally managed to explain to veronica that I'm afraid to date people (and I am) and why...and she understands...so I probably won't be dating her or anyone else for a long time until I can fucking fix these problems in my head...


They played a helluva lot less good music up there this time though...I danced a lot less and most of the time just hung out at one of the tables chatting with people. I can't go up next week but the week after is an all-nighter...pondering going.

At the moment it's weird...everything is paling in comparison even more now...like everything...when I went up there, i started to think about how I didn't wanna go back to my boring ass fucking life, and i ended up writing "Kill Me" on my arm...but that was basically because of everything...

You know...I cried twice this week...I mean, actually cried...it's bad...damn

When i was on the dance floor (kill me was in highlighter, so it glowed under black lights) Anthony was kinda looking at me dumbfounded...I think it was what i had on my arm...

I asked ryan to kill me...heh...he said only if we did it for eachother at the same time...

What a way to go.