Apr. 2nd, 2003

Oof

Apr. 2nd, 2003 09:56 pm
sathor: (Default)
I'm exhausted.

Thoroughly...

I talked to veronica on the phone for probably two hours today...hehe...her dad kinda forced us to get off...

I dunno anymore...I'm happy you know...but at the same time down...

It's like, I take a look at this whole deal with cass, and all i see is lies and deceit. That's it.

She never goes up to the rink. ever. according to everyone i have talked to.

But somehow...someway...she shoes up on the exact day i go there for the first time...it just makes no sense...

I worry that maybe she's sucking the life from me...never trust a psy vamp...

I mean, damn...she stopped talking to me exactly as soon as she made friends and got a boyfriend in warren....

And then at the rink, she shoes up, wants to snuggle with me, and comment "don't you have a boyfriend?" and she said, "no."

What the hell...i'm being used?

I'm in so much pain right now. From everything. I don't hate this life but I don't like it either, and this hurt i'm feeling now i've never felt before..it's like i've had the whole piece i gave to her ripped away totally...there's nothing left of it...it's just eradicated and gone...

They say depressed people don't actually suicide until they are happy...pray it isn't true with me.

I don't want to feel down anymore. I don't want to be hurt anymore, or shredded to pieces...I don't want cass to lie to me anymore. I don't want her to hug me if she doesn't mean it, I don't want her to be around me if she doesn't mean it...why can't I just be...left unhurt...

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