Lost of things...

I am damn cynical. You know why? Because I know life can twist at any moment and throw me in the opposite direction, faster than a fire giant can gravity flux a group of people.

Life for me is a shitty place, and seems to be continuing in that direction. My school is probably gonna shut down, leaving me with a choice of an hour and forty-five minute bus ride or cyber-schooling. Going through the hassel of either will suck, leaving me hard pressed to get a scholarship or be at the head of my class (the new school is huge in comparison to my current one)

In other words, I'm going to end up paying for college head on most likely, getting an Art Major and Philosophy Minor, and then i'll never get the debts paid off, and i'll never have extra cash for anything the rest of my life, because i won't make enough money. This world is too fucking greedy, and it feeds off everyone that isn't a rich ass person.

Communism is the perfect solution, if only we could find a fucking human who didn't have our fucking flaws.

Humans suck. How any race like this could possibly survive this long is beyond me. We should've been wiped out long ago by our own ignorance. I mean, fucking christ, people actually think the war with Iraq is a good thing? That getting rid of OUR FUCKING FREEDOMS, THAT OUR FOREFATHERS FOUGHT AND DIED FOR, FOR GODS DAMNED "SAFETY" THAT ISN'T EVEN SAFETY, ALL IT IS, IS THE LABELING OF GROUPS THAT COULD BE DANGEROUS TO THE GOVERNMENT, AND THE ERADICTION OF - is a good thing?

All the humans in the world think the US is a white knight. Bullshit. We've killed thousands of innocents, we've sent untrained men to fight wars that meant nothing. Yeah, we're real fucking white in this white and black world.

Oh, and yeah, they all say Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, well...WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU IDIOTS, WE HAVE THEM TOO! YOU THINK WE DESERVE THEM ANYMORE THAN ANYONE ELSE DOES? NO! Weapons of mass destruction can annihalate people on a genocidal level. They say we need them for protection, bullshit. We don't need biological, nuclear or any form of weapon of that type.

And yes, we do have biological agents. How do i know this? We have a vaccine for small pox. If they have a vaccine for small pox, they have to have the agent to find an antidote from. Go figure if they have the agent, i'm sure that our 'superior country' has the warfare weapons using it.

And all this for bush's oil. Tch. Go figure. A fucking idiot like bush could command millions.

Not to mention Colin Powells speech. Since when have Diagrams that say "This is a chemical bunker" been proof of anything? Diagrams mean shit. Same with anything else the government is feeding you. It could all be lies for you know.

Of course, this could all be a lie too. But then again, i bet i'm right. I'd bet my life on it.


It's funny really. In a book by Emmanual Kant, he never says magick doesn't exist. He does state however that he has no knowledge of magick, and that it could all be an illusion. (He is a well-known philosopher)

Well, sure, I think some magick is easily an illusion (I don't think these people claiming to be able to summon castles out of thin air on halloween are sane) but, i know my healing isn't. At the very least it is a powerful placebo, which in it's own is a good thing.

So...i'm not really sure. I think i triggered Cryokinesis on a glass of water a few nights back, and i'm going to try again sometime and see if i can get a more noticeable affect (maybe i'll use a thermometer to be sure this time)

The only real way to ever prove magic i think would be if you could make something tangibly sensed to a non-believer. Hey, if it affects all the believers, doesn't that just make it one giant placebo affect?

I still can't heal myself though. I even healed a friend who is very skeptical of magick. But I just can't heal myself.

I was finally told however that this shamanic journey i am beginning to partake on is a lifelong one. So i shouldn't worry if i can't do some things now, or ever. It's a learning experience, and that is truly all that matters in life anyway. Learning. So as long as i'm learning, i don't care.

I don't believe in hell thoroughly now. It doesn't make sense that a good person could go there if they didn't believe in god. Sorry christians, but your religion makes no sense whatsoever. No one who is good in heart should ever be punished.

Whatever good is, its not to be decided by me though. I mean, hell, i believe abortion is a good thing. But it is killing an innocent. We all have our beliefs and morals, and they don't mean much of anything to anyone else unless you're brainwashed in a religious cult (mormons ring a bell)


This is good writing. I think when this journal is all over and done with, i'll have enough stuff to finally write out almost all of my theories and ideas, i hope.


And you know what, i'll smoke pot whenever I like. Because I'm done giving a damn. Heh, my english teacher told me he has a friend writing a large paper on heidigger (and her ideas spurring off of it) and he said that when he was there, she sat down with a big water bong, took three long drags and said "Well, i gotta get back to finishing my paper."

This proves it's good to smoke pot if you're a philosopher. I mean, come on, what more do you want.

I'm sick of authority figures, of the government, and all of that. Ya know, as long as I'm "happy" i won't give a damn about any of those rules. I make my own rules, and i have my own morals.

Fuck if i care if it rips my short term memory apart.

It's worth it if it makes me forget all my problems.


And I hope you read this terry. This is who I am, you know, all of this writing.

This has my heart and soul and beliefs in it. I want my life in this world to have meant something. But that is hard to do these days, unless you're rich. I hope that I can somehow write a groundbreaking philosophical theory that will change humans for all time.

But you know what, I'll just be another casualty of society. Because my life means nothing.

This generation will be the deciding force of the future of the earth. If we survive, we being the people who will stop the ultimate authoritarian county from rising, the next generation will be what matters for what happens to humanity.

But this generation is the one that will keep humanity going. Because if humans are controlled, then the spirit of humanity is gone. Without the spirit, there's no hope for uprising against authoritarian control.

I might write more later if time permits.