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Sep. 23rd, 2009 09:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorI am going to apply either for spring or next fall semester to a number of schools. I'm also going to pick up a job at Blair for awhile, just to keep me stable and in good spirits (ahem.) I like marijuana (and it can be semi-expensive), and I don't care what you believe - because I'll be honest, it makes me an intellectual juggernaut and I can blow through dense philosophers like there's no tomorrow when I'm high. Hobbes Leviathan rings a bell - I'm not reading further of that until I get more weed. Sorry. Go read him. You'll know why.
I looked into the Chase loans. They offer a maximum of 180,000 for graduate students, and you don't have to pay while you are in school. Yeah, I'm going to rack up some ridiculous debt. But that's alright. I am going to apply to some private and public institutions, and with my GPA I can, at least, cross my fingers that I'll get substantial institutional aid. I can not sacrifice my morals and ethics to make quick cash.
If I get an average for Allegheny College (around 15,000) in institutional aid, I'll only be 36,000 in debt when I get out with my Bachelor's (ideally)
Then, I can either go into the Armed Forces and get rid of that in four years, then continue on to graduate school (with additional education through the COAST GUARD, they offer plenty over time) or I can go straight to Grad school for two-four years. After two years in grad, I can teach high school with a masters and get help repaying loans through state programs. If I go straight for the Phd, I could look for tenure track and at worst, probably end up teaching high school once again. Or go career COAST GUARD as an officer and retire in my early 50s with a great pension. That's right - no more Navy. Coast Guard. They help people. They save people's lives. I don't want to be a part of killing people in any fashion, and I know it's the right decision if I have to make it.
I'm not looking forward to living in a dormitory. I may not have too, but I likely will if I don't want to work simultaneously while schooling - and honestly, I /refuse/ to do that. If I'm in college, I'm going to concentrate on my studies and improving myself. Work provides money and I don't want to have to worry about money while I'm in college. Summer work is likely, however. Possibly a low-hours job working /for/ the college in question - I would enjoy that. But I'm not going to go do stupid shit I will hate for measly wages that won't get me anything I desire anyway.
I mean, what do I really desire materially in my lifetime?
A grand piano
A harp
An electric guitar
An electric bass
A really nice acoustic guitar
Amplifiers
A few kickass synth modules
A really nice keyboard with real piano feel
And some crazy lights for crazy li
And a giant study with lots of books. I could buy all of this with a year of work easily, if I did not have expenses. Hence...probably the Coast Guard at some point. Although if I meet a girl, that whole idea might change huh...
A new computer maybe every four years or so, although that is changing because I don't need as powerful of a computer to do what I love to do anymore.
I don't really desire a car, if I can avoid owning one I will. A house would be nice, but eventually this house will be mine and I'd like to keep it in the family. There's a lot of things I can't work out right now, where I am currently in my life. I could end up living anywhere, even in a foreign country. My music could take off before I'm 30 (but I don't think I will pursue it professionally at all after my 20s are over, unless it's just in recording and mastering for other artists.) Then again, with the way life expectancies are changing, we might see more breakthrough artists in their 30s. Actually, most of the breakthrough electronic legends right now are in their late 20s/30s. I think that might have something to do with the learning curve with regards to synth.
The problem at the moment is determining what exactly I am going to pursue in college. I have my assoc in liberal arts, so I can continue on any path within there (I had equal number of credits in psych and philo, actually.)
If I can swing not working, I will double major in both. If I can get a B.A. in psych and philo, and then a master's in one, I am quite sure I could teach a lot of different things in high school including english, creative writing, and possibly even music (depending on how far i've taken my talents by then.) Two B.A.s would actually allow me to teach...and I'm pretty sure I could get two B.A.s in two years. I believe my grades would take a hit if I double majored, but the work ethic I'd have to develop would be very good for my future, and even with lower grades, a double major for two-three years will look excellent on a resume.
The problem is I'm not sure philosophy is /really/ my thing. I love reading it, I love thinking about it, but teaching it to a bunch of people to, someday, teach themselves, just seems like a pyramid scheme to me. With psychology I can help people - I think I would actually enjoy teaching classes at a high school as well as acting as a counselor. And because I'm not freudian, I think I would be a great asset.
Things always look better when I focus on myself. Yeah, I'm sick of being alone...but you know, by the time I go back to college, I'll probably be 170-180lbs of muscle and be in the best shape of my life. Up to 155-160lbs fluctuating clothed, btw - that's better than a month ago where it was 145-150. I'm actually under the minimum weight for military admission until I hit 165 (based on my height.) This tells me my body fat % is probably between 1-5% and I likely should be dead.
Which reminds me, I need to go eat. I've been doing pushups every day/other day (depending on how i feel physically), starting with basic, then doing one foot down, then doing elevated (feet on a chair) until failure for each exercise type. It's harder than benching, and it works my upper chest, shoulders and neck a hell of a lot more. I'm going to start working in crunches/situps soon, and I've been running but not nearly as much as I'd like. Yoga is nice to throw in as well. The past few days I've done pushups for a total of 15-20 minutes, which is pretty good. When I start adding in other exercises to the rotation, I should be hitting almost an hour/day, and I'd like that. I run on the opposing days, right now for just a mile...but I will work that up. Especially after I quit smoking.
I'm really starting to enjoy playing keyboard every day. It was hard to keep with it for awhile, but it's becoming more and more common. It's probably partially because I don't have a job, but I'm going to have to be vigilant once I start working again. I try to hit at least 30 minutes a day of keyboard, and sometimes 30 minutes of guitar on top of that. I am always amazed by my ability to come up with new, beautiful ideas on piano. And my ability to play separate patterns with each hand simultaneously gets better every day - it takes so much concentration, it's like splitting your mind in half. It's fucking beautiful when you get it right. It feels so awesome.
Pretty soon, though, I'm going to have to sit down and teach myself sheet music. I dread the concept, but I want to learn classical pieces very badly. I could learn them by ear, I am certain, given time...but there's something about the idea of learning how to read sheet music and play it as you read. I would love to lay claim to a talent like that in my lifetime.
This post is giant...one of the largest for awhile. And I'm going to keep going with it, for a little while longer.
I was worrying for a long time, that I was spreading myself too thin. I don't think that's the case. I think if I don't push my mental and physical limitations, I won't evolve. You can't presume you are limited in the same fashion as others claim they are. 25 might be the point where your ability to learn starts to drop off, and you may learn better and faster as a child...but that doesn't mean you can't learn now. And I want to learn, man.
I am slightly pissed that the dishonest girl I like is the one that seems the most committed. But maybe that's just the appearance she wants to put outward.
I'd like to know why she hasn't talked to me in two weeks, though. I told her happy birthday yesterday, no response. Yet she didn't remove me as a friend on myspace, and there hasn't been an indication she doesn't want to talk. What the fuck is she doing? No signs she's dating another guy, or anything like that. Did I scare her off, or is she just still too heartbroken to want to try and talk with me...or is she afraid that if she started getting with me, that other guy would come back and she'd break my heart instead?
I looked into the Chase loans. They offer a maximum of 180,000 for graduate students, and you don't have to pay while you are in school. Yeah, I'm going to rack up some ridiculous debt. But that's alright. I am going to apply to some private and public institutions, and with my GPA I can, at least, cross my fingers that I'll get substantial institutional aid. I can not sacrifice my morals and ethics to make quick cash.
If I get an average for Allegheny College (around 15,000) in institutional aid, I'll only be 36,000 in debt when I get out with my Bachelor's (ideally)
Then, I can either go into the Armed Forces and get rid of that in four years, then continue on to graduate school (with additional education through the COAST GUARD, they offer plenty over time) or I can go straight to Grad school for two-four years. After two years in grad, I can teach high school with a masters and get help repaying loans through state programs. If I go straight for the Phd, I could look for tenure track and at worst, probably end up teaching high school once again. Or go career COAST GUARD as an officer and retire in my early 50s with a great pension. That's right - no more Navy. Coast Guard. They help people. They save people's lives. I don't want to be a part of killing people in any fashion, and I know it's the right decision if I have to make it.
I'm not looking forward to living in a dormitory. I may not have too, but I likely will if I don't want to work simultaneously while schooling - and honestly, I /refuse/ to do that. If I'm in college, I'm going to concentrate on my studies and improving myself. Work provides money and I don't want to have to worry about money while I'm in college. Summer work is likely, however. Possibly a low-hours job working /for/ the college in question - I would enjoy that. But I'm not going to go do stupid shit I will hate for measly wages that won't get me anything I desire anyway.
I mean, what do I really desire materially in my lifetime?
A grand piano
A harp
An electric guitar
An electric bass
A really nice acoustic guitar
Amplifiers
A few kickass synth modules
A really nice keyboard with real piano feel
And some crazy lights for crazy li
And a giant study with lots of books. I could buy all of this with a year of work easily, if I did not have expenses. Hence...probably the Coast Guard at some point. Although if I meet a girl, that whole idea might change huh...
A new computer maybe every four years or so, although that is changing because I don't need as powerful of a computer to do what I love to do anymore.
I don't really desire a car, if I can avoid owning one I will. A house would be nice, but eventually this house will be mine and I'd like to keep it in the family. There's a lot of things I can't work out right now, where I am currently in my life. I could end up living anywhere, even in a foreign country. My music could take off before I'm 30 (but I don't think I will pursue it professionally at all after my 20s are over, unless it's just in recording and mastering for other artists.) Then again, with the way life expectancies are changing, we might see more breakthrough artists in their 30s. Actually, most of the breakthrough electronic legends right now are in their late 20s/30s. I think that might have something to do with the learning curve with regards to synth.
The problem at the moment is determining what exactly I am going to pursue in college. I have my assoc in liberal arts, so I can continue on any path within there (I had equal number of credits in psych and philo, actually.)
If I can swing not working, I will double major in both. If I can get a B.A. in psych and philo, and then a master's in one, I am quite sure I could teach a lot of different things in high school including english, creative writing, and possibly even music (depending on how far i've taken my talents by then.) Two B.A.s would actually allow me to teach...and I'm pretty sure I could get two B.A.s in two years. I believe my grades would take a hit if I double majored, but the work ethic I'd have to develop would be very good for my future, and even with lower grades, a double major for two-three years will look excellent on a resume.
The problem is I'm not sure philosophy is /really/ my thing. I love reading it, I love thinking about it, but teaching it to a bunch of people to, someday, teach themselves, just seems like a pyramid scheme to me. With psychology I can help people - I think I would actually enjoy teaching classes at a high school as well as acting as a counselor. And because I'm not freudian, I think I would be a great asset.
Things always look better when I focus on myself. Yeah, I'm sick of being alone...but you know, by the time I go back to college, I'll probably be 170-180lbs of muscle and be in the best shape of my life. Up to 155-160lbs fluctuating clothed, btw - that's better than a month ago where it was 145-150. I'm actually under the minimum weight for military admission until I hit 165 (based on my height.) This tells me my body fat % is probably between 1-5% and I likely should be dead.
Which reminds me, I need to go eat. I've been doing pushups every day/other day (depending on how i feel physically), starting with basic, then doing one foot down, then doing elevated (feet on a chair) until failure for each exercise type. It's harder than benching, and it works my upper chest, shoulders and neck a hell of a lot more. I'm going to start working in crunches/situps soon, and I've been running but not nearly as much as I'd like. Yoga is nice to throw in as well. The past few days I've done pushups for a total of 15-20 minutes, which is pretty good. When I start adding in other exercises to the rotation, I should be hitting almost an hour/day, and I'd like that. I run on the opposing days, right now for just a mile...but I will work that up. Especially after I quit smoking.
I'm really starting to enjoy playing keyboard every day. It was hard to keep with it for awhile, but it's becoming more and more common. It's probably partially because I don't have a job, but I'm going to have to be vigilant once I start working again. I try to hit at least 30 minutes a day of keyboard, and sometimes 30 minutes of guitar on top of that. I am always amazed by my ability to come up with new, beautiful ideas on piano. And my ability to play separate patterns with each hand simultaneously gets better every day - it takes so much concentration, it's like splitting your mind in half. It's fucking beautiful when you get it right. It feels so awesome.
Pretty soon, though, I'm going to have to sit down and teach myself sheet music. I dread the concept, but I want to learn classical pieces very badly. I could learn them by ear, I am certain, given time...but there's something about the idea of learning how to read sheet music and play it as you read. I would love to lay claim to a talent like that in my lifetime.
This post is giant...one of the largest for awhile. And I'm going to keep going with it, for a little while longer.
I was worrying for a long time, that I was spreading myself too thin. I don't think that's the case. I think if I don't push my mental and physical limitations, I won't evolve. You can't presume you are limited in the same fashion as others claim they are. 25 might be the point where your ability to learn starts to drop off, and you may learn better and faster as a child...but that doesn't mean you can't learn now. And I want to learn, man.
I am slightly pissed that the dishonest girl I like is the one that seems the most committed. But maybe that's just the appearance she wants to put outward.
I'd like to know why she hasn't talked to me in two weeks, though. I told her happy birthday yesterday, no response. Yet she didn't remove me as a friend on myspace, and there hasn't been an indication she doesn't want to talk. What the fuck is she doing? No signs she's dating another guy, or anything like that. Did I scare her off, or is she just still too heartbroken to want to try and talk with me...or is she afraid that if she started getting with me, that other guy would come back and she'd break my heart instead?
I'd ask her these things, but it presumes too much.
I'll leave this post here for now...although I think I could go on for quite awhile.
Still praying for that girl of my dreams...
