What. The. Fuck.

[sathor]

Three things:

First Thing:

I've been eating 3,000 cals/day for the past three days. I lost a pound each day. That means my body has been consuming 6,500 calories/day (For frame of reference THAT'S APPROX WHAT THREE HUMANS NEED TO EAT IN A DAY.) Oh, and here's the best part - I haven't been exercising. So what am I going to do? I'm going to weight lift one day, run a mile the next, and stop giving a shit. Because if my body can burn 6,500 calories/day while sedentary, there's no point in me even TRYING to outsmart it. I am officially underweight according to BMI now.

Second Thing:

Girl said a grand total of three sentences to me last night, including lying (saying she didn't know she'd have free time in the next couple weeks - she has today off. And yes, I know this with certainty.)

I asked her if I did something to piss her off, because we had barely talked since we hung out. She said, "No, I'm just in a bad place right now and I'm sick."

Well, that's fine except if that were the case you wouldn't be begging /other/ people to give you attention and something to do.

Obviously, she's either got an issue with me or she's talking to that guy again. I'm giving this three strikes at once, because it's bullshit. If she wants to talk, she can come to me from now on.

Third Thing:

I'm really done smoking today. Hopefully it has had something to do with my weight problems.

Also, I really want some marijuana.

Comments

[freefall127.livejournal.com]

why do you want to gain weight anyway? you look fine.

[sathor.livejournal.com]

You can see my ribs and my collar bone quite definitively...tell you what, I'll take a picture and post it here so you can decide for yourself...once I find the camera :)

[freefall127.livejournal.com]

so you think you need to gain weight to look good?

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I personally would like to gain some weight so I have some more muscle mass, yeah.

It's not so much an issue of attractiveness as it is personal desire. I want to be "healthier" - I only want maybe 20 more pounds, which would put me inside the lower end of the BMI (extending my life expectancy)

[freefall127.livejournal.com]

your body will fill out naturally when you're older. its normal to be really skinny at your age. not to mention that some people find skinny guys attractive.

[mystic-waves.livejournal.com]

I don't see why you wan someone so badly. Just remember the stress and hassle that two people existing close together create. Add that you want someone who is not just like everyone else and you have a whole new weird unexplored set of problems to settle. Shit you should be praising the Goddess you have none of this hassle. Fuck people. Fuck love. Fuck relationships.

[sendao.livejournal.com]

How like you to spread such rubbish.

Try being alone for a while, six months at least, and see how you like the difference. Maybe after your soul gets sucked into that particular dark hole you would have some fucking appreciation for the grand and wonderful thing love is, instead of throwing it by the wayside so you can boast your ultimately worthless accomplishments a bit louder. All because of some other retarded dark hole that you don't know you're still fucking stuck in.

I think I just about HAVE to leave, you'll never learn that lesson with me here to coddle you.

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I love the hassle, because it's not a hassle, it's love.

I love loving people. I love getting close to someone. I love learning about them. I love everything about it, even the fighting I suppose.

I miss not having that dearly.