Two in a day...
Jun. 22nd, 2002 10:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorThe depressive emotions took over not too long ago. What the hell is wrong with me, why do i have to hate everything about my life even though it's not so bad, the home atleast. Why do i feel alone when i do have those that care about me...even if they are online friends. And why do i continually long for something more, and why do i want to go home when i don't know where home is. Those questions will never be answered.
Who am i? I'm jake mickelson right? The kid who was always the smart one, everyone wanted to copy off his work at school and he hated his 'friends' because all they did was torture him with words that hurt more than a blade. The adolescent that suddenly figured out that there was more to life than just living and was able to think at a level that isn't reached by most at the age of 11. The teenager who wishes he could live somewhere else, because the place he lives in hates him and he hates it. The teenager that drinks to relieve the pressure from constantly analyzing things and the pressure from knowing that when it comes down to it everything in life is pointless. The teenager who wants to find a way out when there is only one at the moment.
What am i? I'm human...physically. What am i mentally? I don't know. Either i'm just like everyone else and i want to feel special because i've been hurt so much or i truly am different in the head, a freak of nature.
Why am i here? Because my parents decided to have a second kid, and it just happened to be male and be me.
Was i destined to be this way? Doubtful. But i cannot change the past so i cannot prove that.
Where am i going? A question i cannot answer yet.
When am i going to die? Whenever i decide to kill myself or when the world works correctly so that i am killed.
Am i pitiful and weak? Yes. I feel as though i cannot continue to exist when it shouldn't even matter...i shouldn't even care because it doesn't matter.
"Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"
Who am i? I'm jake mickelson right? The kid who was always the smart one, everyone wanted to copy off his work at school and he hated his 'friends' because all they did was torture him with words that hurt more than a blade. The adolescent that suddenly figured out that there was more to life than just living and was able to think at a level that isn't reached by most at the age of 11. The teenager who wishes he could live somewhere else, because the place he lives in hates him and he hates it. The teenager that drinks to relieve the pressure from constantly analyzing things and the pressure from knowing that when it comes down to it everything in life is pointless. The teenager who wants to find a way out when there is only one at the moment.
What am i? I'm human...physically. What am i mentally? I don't know. Either i'm just like everyone else and i want to feel special because i've been hurt so much or i truly am different in the head, a freak of nature.
Why am i here? Because my parents decided to have a second kid, and it just happened to be male and be me.
Was i destined to be this way? Doubtful. But i cannot change the past so i cannot prove that.
Where am i going? A question i cannot answer yet.
When am i going to die? Whenever i decide to kill myself or when the world works correctly so that i am killed.
Am i pitiful and weak? Yes. I feel as though i cannot continue to exist when it shouldn't even matter...i shouldn't even care because it doesn't matter.
"Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Hmm.
Date: 2002-06-23 12:51 am (UTC)Home is where your heart is. Yes, it's an overdone cliche, but it is true. You don't feel like you're home because you don't feel welcome, I think.
At least you know what your problems are. Strive to change them if you wish. A change of venue will be nice. I thought as you did, then I left. That will change things no matter what. At least you'll know who your friends and family truly are.
So you've got mood problems. Everyone does in our lifestyle. You show me one person who does what we do online who hasn't been depressed and I'll show you someone who's been living a lie.
Don't feel bad that you've got problems. We all do.
Now that I'm done waxing philisophical, I hope what I've written here makes some sense to those who wish to make sense of it.
Remember. Childproof caps are just proof that there is a child within each and every one of us.
Re: Hmm.
Date: 2002-06-23 09:04 am (UTC)Re: Hmm.
Date: 2002-06-25 03:08 pm (UTC)Truer words were never spoken. *winks*
Re: Hmm.
Date: 2002-06-26 08:29 am (UTC)