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sathorSo, I've got a few things I need to do...
#1 Get Megan's Number.
Have to find a way. I want to extend the conversation we had, been awhile since I had a chat like that...
#2 Get Diploma
This week.
#3 Get Korg m50
A couple weeks from now.
#4 Decide WTF I'm doing.
I.e. Alaska, staying here another year and then Alaska, staying here another year and then College again, waiting until I'm 24-25 for College again (significant possibility...15-30k/y is not easy to come by...)...also possibly College again this fall or spring semester...
I don't know what to do.
Alaska is not guaranteed income. Here is now.
Alaska doesn't have a Megan as far as I know. (On the other hand, it has a lot of cool other people...w/e)
The depression seems to be lifting which might make movement more plausible in the future. The problem is I don't want to go unexpectedly into a depressed area and then not be able to get back out easily (if the Job market is bad.)
My cousin moved to Pittsburgh on Sunday. He said he was probably going to be working at Wendy's for (7.50!) an hour. He was making $10.00/hour here doing something completely different. His reasoning for getting out was not dissimilar from my own, but I often wonder how people do shit on the fly.
I know risk-taking is how you reap rewards in some cases...but I prefer to be methodical.
-sighs-
I dunno.
I wish there was an easier way to determine life path. There's a lot of possibilities available to me, and I want to take the best possible one. I don't want to follow pipe dreams, but I also want to have faith in myself.
How am I supposed to be confident when I am faced with decisions like this, knowing full well taking the wrong step could very well be a serious blow to my future and a giant waste of time?
#1 Get Megan's Number.
Have to find a way. I want to extend the conversation we had, been awhile since I had a chat like that...
#2 Get Diploma
This week.
#3 Get Korg m50
A couple weeks from now.
#4 Decide WTF I'm doing.
I.e. Alaska, staying here another year and then Alaska, staying here another year and then College again, waiting until I'm 24-25 for College again (significant possibility...15-30k/y is not easy to come by...)...also possibly College again this fall or spring semester...
I don't know what to do.
Alaska is not guaranteed income. Here is now.
Alaska doesn't have a Megan as far as I know. (On the other hand, it has a lot of cool other people...w/e)
The depression seems to be lifting which might make movement more plausible in the future. The problem is I don't want to go unexpectedly into a depressed area and then not be able to get back out easily (if the Job market is bad.)
My cousin moved to Pittsburgh on Sunday. He said he was probably going to be working at Wendy's for (7.50!) an hour. He was making $10.00/hour here doing something completely different. His reasoning for getting out was not dissimilar from my own, but I often wonder how people do shit on the fly.
I know risk-taking is how you reap rewards in some cases...but I prefer to be methodical.
-sighs-
I dunno.
I wish there was an easier way to determine life path. There's a lot of possibilities available to me, and I want to take the best possible one. I don't want to follow pipe dreams, but I also want to have faith in myself.
How am I supposed to be confident when I am faced with decisions like this, knowing full well taking the wrong step could very well be a serious blow to my future and a giant waste of time?
no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 12:47 am (UTC)As for Alaska, whatever. It was an offer with a place to stay far away from here.
I've got nothing left Shauna. Family, that's it. Family and friends from work.
It's pathetic, really. Speaks loads about me. Obviously, I'm not fun to be around. I'm not interesting. I don't keep the interest of people who meet me.
God, sometimes it's like I'm drowning in a fucking cesspool of uncertainty and inadequacy.
And there's no one to help.
What I really need right now is some FUCKING FEMALE AFFECTION. What I really need right now is someone I CAN OFFER AFFECTION TOO. Because it would help me validate my own sorry fucking existence, because I'm not so sure I can validate it on my own anymore.