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[personal profile] sathor
[Error: unknown template qotd]I'd like to believe in such things, but I can't say I necessarily do.

I have thought at times what I had was true love and it must not have been - because it did not last. True love may exist...I just don't know if it does yet.

Date: 2009-03-14 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mystic-waves.livejournal.com
Did the relationship not last/ or did the love not last?

Date: 2009-03-14 05:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sathor.livejournal.com
Don't really want to think that either of my former loves were my "soul mate."

I don't think that's possible, since I should be my soul mate's soul mate, and they wouldn't be able to give me up either.

The relationships didn't last. Neither did the love really. I still love them, but at least with the recent one, I don't think I could ever really desire to be in the same room or even the same state with her. Kinda curbs the whole friendship thing.

Date: 2009-03-15 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mystic-waves.livejournal.com
I'm of the opinion that TRUE love is too intense for a healthy relationship to work. If love is true the people involved won't want to give the other person up, but the interaction will be too intense to be good for both individuals. Logical thought will win over irrational love and one person will leave...regardless of wants.

This soul mate business is silly...your soul has possibly had many mates transcend life and shown them to you in this life. I'm too pessimistic to think one individual will be my "soul mate" in all past, current, and future lives. More of the thought that past, present, and future lives will/have present/ed me with the soul I need to have that sort of interaction with for that life.

Date: 2009-03-15 05:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sathor.livejournal.com
I don't know...

I don't see how an intense relationship, and true love, would be negative to a logical mind. I woke up almost in tears today from a dream about my ex, I had been crying to her in the dream about how I've spent six months trying to figure out what I did wrong as I pretty much curled up into her lap for the first time in that time.

I know she's not that person...that even though it was her in the dream, it was someone else, the person who will be there for me like that. I could never open up to her, like I could with Val. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew she wouldn't understand.

But hey, what the fuck do I know anyway...

I'm so ruined internally that I could probably never appeal to another woman again, let alone have conversation or small talk that works up to a date. I think I almost fall into myself anytime I get into a room with a single woman, whether that's a permanent result of what's happened to me...I don't know.

I wish I knew how to fix myself, but I don't. The only thing I can do is learn the language of music better and try to express it all...at least try to leave something behind when I'm dead, because I'm not so sure I'll have a family to do it for me.

What I've always needed in my life...what I've always been seeking...is the female archetype who will be there for me emotionally...and really understand me. And when I don't have that...I just appear to crumble. Like I have.

Like you wanted to read all of this random shit anyway...ugh

Date: 2009-03-15 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mystic-waves.livejournal.com
Hey this random shit is somehow more interesting than the biology random shit I should be reading right now! Probably because it's about the excretory system...anyways...

I apologize...it's probably my fault you had that dream making you recall past relationships/current feelings with a question.

My thoughts on logic/love: Love is not rational or logical...it is purely random, like all moods/emotions really. And the rewards we get from it, squirt dopamine into our brains thickly, so we become addicted to that reward. The embrace of your lover or actual sexual gratification, the chemical signals are the same. The logical brain subconsciously tries to hunt out the physiological pattern of the relationship (or partner rather), so the reward is always given. The delight of pleasure centers when it is happy, rather than torment of pain when fighting. But there is no pattern to the human psyche, no pattern to mood (too many factors to find a "mood prediction equation" so to speak). Irrational emotion will always confuse logical brain. When you create this war in your conscious brain, it spins into a blithering mess. I feel true love will always create emotion that goes against logic.

But hey, what the fuck do I KNOW??? I could sit and theorize all summer, but at the beginning of winter I'd find myself foodless and frozen.

As far as your personal issues with women...your not so ruined. 6 months and you expect to be completely healed from a heavy relationship with that type of end. Sure if it was mutual or nice severage...but you talk as though a limb was chopped off when this happened. Just like if you had actually lost your limb, you need time to adapt before your emotional state near potential lovers stabilizes. Maybe your problem is your searching for an archetype. No one ever fits those perfectly.

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