It all falls down...
May. 20th, 2004 01:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorIt's junk.
I fucked up, pure and simple. I jumped into this hoping good would come out of it, and it did...but it's doing the same thing to me that has happened everytime before.
It's killing me.
It's stagnating, it's tension building. I can't handle it. I'm not made for this.
No matter what I do, no matter what path I take, only one leads to another's happiness. How could I lead myself into this trap? How could I do this?
These...ideas...these...thoughts and 'rules' planted into every christians brain in this generation, and many generations before it...have been eradicated for me. I can't do this permanency. I can't do it. I'm not free. I don't understand. And I'm hurting.
And I don't think there's anything anyone can do about it.
I'm sorry.
More sorry than I've ever been.
Forgive me.
I fucked up, pure and simple. I jumped into this hoping good would come out of it, and it did...but it's doing the same thing to me that has happened everytime before.
It's killing me.
It's stagnating, it's tension building. I can't handle it. I'm not made for this.
No matter what I do, no matter what path I take, only one leads to another's happiness. How could I lead myself into this trap? How could I do this?
These...ideas...these...thoughts and 'rules' planted into every christians brain in this generation, and many generations before it...have been eradicated for me. I can't do this permanency. I can't do it. I'm not free. I don't understand. And I'm hurting.
And I don't think there's anything anyone can do about it.
I'm sorry.
More sorry than I've ever been.
Forgive me.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 10:57 am (UTC)