I'm gonna lay it out in the open...

[sathor]

I don't think I can handle a relationship right now...maybe it's my age, maybe it's the way I think and feel, maybe it's my free spirit...and maybe it'll always be like this, I really don't know...

But a relationship, as in that conventional 'going steady' whatnot stuff, doesn't appeal to me...at all.

Not that I flirt madly with everyone I see...quite the opposite. It's just that it doesn't feel right or something...I can't even explain it.

It feels like the world is shattering all my assumptions steadily this week, making me have to figure everything out again...I really know absolutely nothing.

I have always had 'plans' after i get out of here...but what is the worth? If one isn't truly enjoying their life, how can they consider themselves alive? Of course, I don't know if I will enjoy myself or not in college, but the fact is...if I do go philosophy major...unless I'm going for a professor position someday, it's not going to make me any money.

So I'd be stuck working whatever job I can hold wherever to keep myself going...but what's wrong with that as long as it gives me the money I need to survive and a bit extra for whatever else I need?

I just don't know...I still have a year to grow up before I have to make these decisions, but it seems like they are staring me down and winning for the moment.

Comments

money...

[cb01.livejournal.com]

money is just another way to make people feel worse about themselves. Money means nothing as long as you are happy. Its a scapegoat used way too often. As long as you enjoy what you do, why should money play any part. yes it sounds naive but i totally believe that money won't play a part in my life. yes you need it to survive but other than the food, shelter clothes, what do you need? money to buy what a tv so they can show more things you "need" so you need more money to buy their shit. or maybe you want that brand new car? "rolling the bling"? eh, its over rated. money = shit. As long as you feel you have to have more, you are playing their game.
sorry i kinda rambled but i feel strongly. my dream job. My acoustic guitar, an older volvo (the boxy kind from the 80's) and to be playing clubs from town to town with just enough money to eat and get to the next city. hopefully if its a good night maybe even a hotel.

Re: money...

[sathor.livejournal.com]

I've always seen myself living paycheck to paycheck and not really caring...I don't care about material belonings that much in all honesty...But I guess I just feel sortof alone in the world...in my thoughts

[cb01.livejournal.com]

as long as i am around you are never alone :)

[sathor.livejournal.com]

We need to hang out sometime! Seriously