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sathorHmm...well, i'm finally not giving a damn if i have anyone (that girl...well, her personality clashes a high amount with mine, and i felt no connection to her. it doesn't suck really, as i noticed that i need to be alone more then i need someone).
Now i just need some time totally alone and away from my family, and friends, and everybody and everything. That seems impossible, but i have to find a way to do it, because day after day it's the same old drek. My mom continually bitches at me, telling me i need to find something better to do with my time. Well, what the frag does she expect from me anyway? She puts me in a town where i have nothing in common with anyone, all my friends betray me, and expects me to find something better to do with my time then draw and do my other daily things. It's bullshit really, she doesn't understand me at all. And then when i argue this point of course she says, "I know you better then you think." which is an enormous lie...
My dad doesn't really seem to care much what i do. Mostly because he understands me better then my mom i believe. He was more of a solitary person when he was a kid too. Being solitary isn't always fun...but at least it keeps me from getting hurt. And besides that, the only way i'm not going to be solitary anymore is if i move. And that has a 0% possibly of happening.
Matt is becoming a bit more kind to me, and i'm hoping its a good sign. Hopefully we will end up being friends again, i would be alot better off that way, with someone to talk to irl that understands me. I've been learning alot lately (Thanks Novinha and Khepri...) and i'm hoping i continue learning more on the subject of everything beyond reality's grim reaches. (Or within it...)
I need something, something to keep me going. I don't know what did before, even during last summer. Maybe it was the fact i had someone to talk to, or maybe it wasn't. But either way i'm slipping away again, into a depression.
Now i just need some time totally alone and away from my family, and friends, and everybody and everything. That seems impossible, but i have to find a way to do it, because day after day it's the same old drek. My mom continually bitches at me, telling me i need to find something better to do with my time. Well, what the frag does she expect from me anyway? She puts me in a town where i have nothing in common with anyone, all my friends betray me, and expects me to find something better to do with my time then draw and do my other daily things. It's bullshit really, she doesn't understand me at all. And then when i argue this point of course she says, "I know you better then you think." which is an enormous lie...
My dad doesn't really seem to care much what i do. Mostly because he understands me better then my mom i believe. He was more of a solitary person when he was a kid too. Being solitary isn't always fun...but at least it keeps me from getting hurt. And besides that, the only way i'm not going to be solitary anymore is if i move. And that has a 0% possibly of happening.
Matt is becoming a bit more kind to me, and i'm hoping its a good sign. Hopefully we will end up being friends again, i would be alot better off that way, with someone to talk to irl that understands me. I've been learning alot lately (Thanks Novinha and Khepri...) and i'm hoping i continue learning more on the subject of everything beyond reality's grim reaches. (Or within it...)
I need something, something to keep me going. I don't know what did before, even during last summer. Maybe it was the fact i had someone to talk to, or maybe it wasn't. But either way i'm slipping away again, into a depression.
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Date: 2002-02-08 01:44 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-02-08 01:51 pm (UTC)