sathor: (Default)
I have spent years listening to very little music outside of what I created. I'm not really sure what happened anymore.

There was a point where things changed. And the only point I can truly find is when Val left me. I used to be so much more active, I used to have a decent circle of friends, and I was always busy, between school and everything else. And music was a huge part of my life.

But something happened that killed my love of anything. I'm beginning to see now that I haven't loved anything in a long time...that I have been absent of the emotion, absent of many emotions, and even the feelings that I call love, aren't the same anymore. There are times where I still seethe with anger, so I know I am not a sociopath, but my other emotions don't feel nearly as intense, or nearly as meaningful as they once did.

I've become like this empty pit, devoid of substance, devoid of love and happiness, consumed in grief and despair, hopelessly lost in a tide of the overwhelming ocean that has become my reality.

And no matter what I do, where I go, what I accomplish, who I meet, the feelings I do feel inside of me, it never ends.

I was stripped of everything that made me beautiful, and there was a time when I was. It was beaten out of me. And I really don't know if it will ever come back. I want it to.

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sathor

December 2016

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