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Nov. 21st, 2003 05:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorIt's interesting to note that a dream I had just a little bit ago got me farther than I did the last time I had it. However, I feel I haven't finished it yet.
It's hard to explain. It really is. My reoccuring dreams always seem overly-drawn-out, always wanting to reach something at the end of the line (extremely drawn out in fact...it's really hard to explain -sighs) and when I get near the end...i somehow fail.
The last time I had this dream, i got to the same point basically that I did this time.
But I probably should explain the whole nature of it, I think.
First of all, the first time I had the dream, the prelude wasn't there.
There was a prelude, this second time.
I go outside of warren, somewhere, to a hotel, with family and my aunt/uncle. It's not really 'outside' warren, it's kinda on the outskirts.
We get there, and I can't really remember why. There was a lot of strange stuff going on. For example: My sister tells me there's a huge group of people gathered at the mall that are all dressing relatively the same. I tell her, "Oh yeah, it's for a public play or something. I met a hot punk girl in that group once." You see, the strange part is, is in that dream I remembered seeing the thing my sister told me about in another dream...and I recalled what I had done (met a hot punk girl) this is what intrigues me, because outside of the dreams the recalling would've never happened. And now when i look back on it, it's hard for me to 'know' that i met that hot punk girl in another dream, but it was an instantaneous recall in the dream.
Anyway, right after that my sister sits down next to me and tells me we have to find a way to get ten million dollars. Basically I'm telling her she's an idiot, there's no way besides the slim chance of the lottery for that (ten million dollars to make the whole family happy, because i find out the reason we were at the hotel was for some gathering the last day of being at the hotel, and the only way to get in was to be 'rich' or whatever, they had changed the requisites since when we came here in the first place) So anyway, i turn around, the location of people changes but the atmosphere is the same. In front of me is a really good looking girl, dressed in a white tank top, black jeans (i think) and black angel wings. Honestly, I think they were real, now that I think about it. I kinda smile at her and go sit next to her. So anyway, I almost have the feeling she is a prostitute, but I don't at the same time. She leans over and kisses me and I go, "Whoa, did they forget to tell you about the age difference?" and she chuckles, "Ohh, I get it now." and i say, "Well, I never really cared about it anyway." she smiles back at me and tells me she's married (confusing, all of this) and asks me to come to her house.
So we leave. This is the part where this current dream corresponds with a past dream exactly. Everyone is in front of me, including my sis and her friends on a walk, and that girl/angel/whatever really far ahead of me because I got caught behind.
So I start journeying down this huge staircase. But most of it is illusions and all of that. For example, instead of a staircase, there is a ladder missing a lot of steps. I start going down it, and these 'monsters' speak, "You could kill yourself doing that. Aren't you afraid?" and I say, "Fear is the mindkiller. I must not fear." Anyway, there's 'monsters' that speak english, some of them at least. And they tell me, "This staircase was created not for men, because they don't believe in such things as magick and illusions, and not for boys, because it is too dangerous. But, we monsters have a place here, doing our work." And after they say that, they look at me strangely, and I get this feeling like I understand what they mean, and it's almost like a feeling of knowing that they don't see me as a man or a boy, but something else, and that's why they are intrigued by the fact I still want to go down the staircase. Anyway, I keep journeying down.
At some point, far, far down, I come across a 'monster' that has a voice a bit like a robot. The other 'monsters' tell me that he'll be my guide for the rest of the way. By this time, I'm getting really frustrated. All I wanted was to be with that girl, and I felt like it would never happen.
So I follow the robot down. Sooner or later, we reach the bottom. Behind us, is a fish-man, or something the equivalent of chasing us. The robot opens up one of two of these huge circular doorways that go 'down' (kinda like the top of a submarine, if you get my drift, only far huger) they are totally rusted, and there would've been no way someone my size, or any human, could've opened them. But the robot did. One has a bunch of stuff blocking the passageway, and i jump down instinctively and pull it out. Water gushes up, and fills the enter passage.
So we're trying to get away from this killer 'monster' or whatever it is. Climbing on tables, whatever, moving towards a final point it would seem. So I reach the same point i did in the dream before, it's a big portal downward that looks like the rusted ones from before.
And it ends, for a moment.
I feel like i'm waking up, and i'm so frustrated. I feel like i failed for the second time to finish this damned dream.
But i'm back. No idea why, how, whatever. It hardly ever happens this way, when i want a dream to come back, i never get it. But i did.
I come back, at the same exact point. In the first dream, I died right where i was standing. I hear the same robot voice as in the first dream telling me to come back, to a secret pathway leading up. I actually make it.
Then i have to deal with that monster or whatever. Surprisingly, it's easy. I figured I was dead where I stood, but I just made sure that I never once thought that I would fail. Positive thinking i told myself, heh.
I get past it, get up there, to the top of this 'secret passageway' or whatever.
I'm not really sure what i was expecting honestly. All that I know is when i reached the top...there wasn't anything there that I wanted to be there. How it hurts -sigh-
But again, i come back. And i don't want it to end yet damnit. So one more time, i get sent back.
And i'm walking up the last leg of the staircase again, only it looks like my staircase at dusk. I turn the corner, and i realize that everything feels totally weird. I think to myself, 'lucid dream', and there's a white bar that scans down my vision, leaving behind a white light residue. When it's all gone, i'm in a different room. There's my bedsheet, covering a bed that is really disoriented, distorted, twisted like you see those pictures of where a black hole theoretically goes and all of that. But the part closest to me is flat, and normal, and it has a wierd doll laying on it's surface. It has an all white head, with no eyes, and i can't remember anything else other than that it looked like a small human. I pick up the head, and let it hit the bed again (i'm not sure if my considering of this dream has made me think this, but i'm almost believing that the doll was the girl...it might've had black angel wings). My window is distorted to all hell, my stand is there with a lamp. And i sigh, because i still didn't get what i wanted too, after all of those attempts.
It ends, again.
It's hard to explain. It really is. My reoccuring dreams always seem overly-drawn-out, always wanting to reach something at the end of the line (extremely drawn out in fact...it's really hard to explain -sighs) and when I get near the end...i somehow fail.
The last time I had this dream, i got to the same point basically that I did this time.
But I probably should explain the whole nature of it, I think.
First of all, the first time I had the dream, the prelude wasn't there.
There was a prelude, this second time.
I go outside of warren, somewhere, to a hotel, with family and my aunt/uncle. It's not really 'outside' warren, it's kinda on the outskirts.
We get there, and I can't really remember why. There was a lot of strange stuff going on. For example: My sister tells me there's a huge group of people gathered at the mall that are all dressing relatively the same. I tell her, "Oh yeah, it's for a public play or something. I met a hot punk girl in that group once." You see, the strange part is, is in that dream I remembered seeing the thing my sister told me about in another dream...and I recalled what I had done (met a hot punk girl) this is what intrigues me, because outside of the dreams the recalling would've never happened. And now when i look back on it, it's hard for me to 'know' that i met that hot punk girl in another dream, but it was an instantaneous recall in the dream.
Anyway, right after that my sister sits down next to me and tells me we have to find a way to get ten million dollars. Basically I'm telling her she's an idiot, there's no way besides the slim chance of the lottery for that (ten million dollars to make the whole family happy, because i find out the reason we were at the hotel was for some gathering the last day of being at the hotel, and the only way to get in was to be 'rich' or whatever, they had changed the requisites since when we came here in the first place) So anyway, i turn around, the location of people changes but the atmosphere is the same. In front of me is a really good looking girl, dressed in a white tank top, black jeans (i think) and black angel wings. Honestly, I think they were real, now that I think about it. I kinda smile at her and go sit next to her. So anyway, I almost have the feeling she is a prostitute, but I don't at the same time. She leans over and kisses me and I go, "Whoa, did they forget to tell you about the age difference?" and she chuckles, "Ohh, I get it now." and i say, "Well, I never really cared about it anyway." she smiles back at me and tells me she's married (confusing, all of this) and asks me to come to her house.
So we leave. This is the part where this current dream corresponds with a past dream exactly. Everyone is in front of me, including my sis and her friends on a walk, and that girl/angel/whatever really far ahead of me because I got caught behind.
So I start journeying down this huge staircase. But most of it is illusions and all of that. For example, instead of a staircase, there is a ladder missing a lot of steps. I start going down it, and these 'monsters' speak, "You could kill yourself doing that. Aren't you afraid?" and I say, "Fear is the mindkiller. I must not fear." Anyway, there's 'monsters' that speak english, some of them at least. And they tell me, "This staircase was created not for men, because they don't believe in such things as magick and illusions, and not for boys, because it is too dangerous. But, we monsters have a place here, doing our work." And after they say that, they look at me strangely, and I get this feeling like I understand what they mean, and it's almost like a feeling of knowing that they don't see me as a man or a boy, but something else, and that's why they are intrigued by the fact I still want to go down the staircase. Anyway, I keep journeying down.
At some point, far, far down, I come across a 'monster' that has a voice a bit like a robot. The other 'monsters' tell me that he'll be my guide for the rest of the way. By this time, I'm getting really frustrated. All I wanted was to be with that girl, and I felt like it would never happen.
So I follow the robot down. Sooner or later, we reach the bottom. Behind us, is a fish-man, or something the equivalent of chasing us. The robot opens up one of two of these huge circular doorways that go 'down' (kinda like the top of a submarine, if you get my drift, only far huger) they are totally rusted, and there would've been no way someone my size, or any human, could've opened them. But the robot did. One has a bunch of stuff blocking the passageway, and i jump down instinctively and pull it out. Water gushes up, and fills the enter passage.
So we're trying to get away from this killer 'monster' or whatever it is. Climbing on tables, whatever, moving towards a final point it would seem. So I reach the same point i did in the dream before, it's a big portal downward that looks like the rusted ones from before.
And it ends, for a moment.
I feel like i'm waking up, and i'm so frustrated. I feel like i failed for the second time to finish this damned dream.
But i'm back. No idea why, how, whatever. It hardly ever happens this way, when i want a dream to come back, i never get it. But i did.
I come back, at the same exact point. In the first dream, I died right where i was standing. I hear the same robot voice as in the first dream telling me to come back, to a secret pathway leading up. I actually make it.
Then i have to deal with that monster or whatever. Surprisingly, it's easy. I figured I was dead where I stood, but I just made sure that I never once thought that I would fail. Positive thinking i told myself, heh.
I get past it, get up there, to the top of this 'secret passageway' or whatever.
I'm not really sure what i was expecting honestly. All that I know is when i reached the top...there wasn't anything there that I wanted to be there. How it hurts -sigh-
But again, i come back. And i don't want it to end yet damnit. So one more time, i get sent back.
And i'm walking up the last leg of the staircase again, only it looks like my staircase at dusk. I turn the corner, and i realize that everything feels totally weird. I think to myself, 'lucid dream', and there's a white bar that scans down my vision, leaving behind a white light residue. When it's all gone, i'm in a different room. There's my bedsheet, covering a bed that is really disoriented, distorted, twisted like you see those pictures of where a black hole theoretically goes and all of that. But the part closest to me is flat, and normal, and it has a wierd doll laying on it's surface. It has an all white head, with no eyes, and i can't remember anything else other than that it looked like a small human. I pick up the head, and let it hit the bed again (i'm not sure if my considering of this dream has made me think this, but i'm almost believing that the doll was the girl...it might've had black angel wings). My window is distorted to all hell, my stand is there with a lamp. And i sigh, because i still didn't get what i wanted too, after all of those attempts.
It ends, again.
