(no subject)
Nov. 20th, 2003 02:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorI want to be sure.
But I just cannot be sure.
This is the first time in a long time I think I feel afraid of the future and it's uncertainty.
What if things don't change when I go to college? I know I can't survive that long in a place like this, and if change doesn't happen then, it may never...I don't believe I can survive like that.
I don't want to be afraid of the future, but society so far hasn't been so easy on me, and if it stays that way it will be hard to live a life that hasn't been handed to me. Unless how i've been treated was just because i was the kid in the class that got picked on...things changed a lot before tidioute got shut down really...I guess maybe it was all just a part of growing up. When i recall my memory of youngsville and the rink, all i really remember is a lot of people liking me. Multiple girls were interested in me at the rink, and quite a few had looked interested until i said i was 15 (under 18 problem i guess, because those ones were over 18) in Youngsville i got to know someone from pretty much every different genre, and I guess that was a good thing.
Maybe I should check out the rink again to see if anything is the same/different. But then again I tell myself not much could've changed, especially when a few people I knew from there telling me it has only gotten worse with time.
I think i'm genuinely stuck for the time being. What I should be doing now is learning what i can in the subjects I adore, advancing in my mysticism and achieve getting my license/and a job once i get the license. Getting a job will bring me back to reality from the whole isolation of cyber school as well.
I think if things go correctly I will do just fine. Fear is only going to assist in worsening my future. I need to stay positive and realize there is nothing to worry about.
But I just cannot be sure.
This is the first time in a long time I think I feel afraid of the future and it's uncertainty.
What if things don't change when I go to college? I know I can't survive that long in a place like this, and if change doesn't happen then, it may never...I don't believe I can survive like that.
I don't want to be afraid of the future, but society so far hasn't been so easy on me, and if it stays that way it will be hard to live a life that hasn't been handed to me. Unless how i've been treated was just because i was the kid in the class that got picked on...things changed a lot before tidioute got shut down really...I guess maybe it was all just a part of growing up. When i recall my memory of youngsville and the rink, all i really remember is a lot of people liking me. Multiple girls were interested in me at the rink, and quite a few had looked interested until i said i was 15 (under 18 problem i guess, because those ones were over 18) in Youngsville i got to know someone from pretty much every different genre, and I guess that was a good thing.
Maybe I should check out the rink again to see if anything is the same/different. But then again I tell myself not much could've changed, especially when a few people I knew from there telling me it has only gotten worse with time.
I think i'm genuinely stuck for the time being. What I should be doing now is learning what i can in the subjects I adore, advancing in my mysticism and achieve getting my license/and a job once i get the license. Getting a job will bring me back to reality from the whole isolation of cyber school as well.
I think if things go correctly I will do just fine. Fear is only going to assist in worsening my future. I need to stay positive and realize there is nothing to worry about.
