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sathorIt has come to my attention that much of my frustration is my own fault.
I'm bored, because I sit around way to much. There is actually many, many things I could be doing, but instead I choose to sit. I'm going to change that.
I feel stagnant because I haven't been getting out much. The truth is, even if i still went to normal school, I'd still feel stagnant right now because I would even be less inhibited to do things because I'd be so tired after it. It's winter now, I can't get out to see people much because I tend not to go to people's houses. When spring comes, this will change.
I am being too idealistic. At the same time I am being too depressed. I need to find a balance. It will only come with me disciplining myself, so I don't have so much damn free time on my hands to think. I was happier when I was busy all the time. So I'll try to get busy.
I know that another part of it is my lack of companionship. I know it isn't going to change at the moment - well, maybe it could, if i did a few things correctly, but it's not worth it in my eyes, and it would only seek to destroy me more in the end. How I wish at times things would've gone correctly with people in the past.
I think this journal was well worth getting long ago. I never really liked writing by hand, so I never had a journal. But at least I can get some of my feelings out here.
I want to ask a question though...do you people think i'm conceited? Or that i talk too much and don't listen enough? I'm kinda worried that my socialization abilities have went through the basement floor...I know I used to be likeable, but I'm not sure anymore...or maybe I just let certain people's words get to me too much...I don't know.
Bleh.
I'm bored, because I sit around way to much. There is actually many, many things I could be doing, but instead I choose to sit. I'm going to change that.
I feel stagnant because I haven't been getting out much. The truth is, even if i still went to normal school, I'd still feel stagnant right now because I would even be less inhibited to do things because I'd be so tired after it. It's winter now, I can't get out to see people much because I tend not to go to people's houses. When spring comes, this will change.
I am being too idealistic. At the same time I am being too depressed. I need to find a balance. It will only come with me disciplining myself, so I don't have so much damn free time on my hands to think. I was happier when I was busy all the time. So I'll try to get busy.
I know that another part of it is my lack of companionship. I know it isn't going to change at the moment - well, maybe it could, if i did a few things correctly, but it's not worth it in my eyes, and it would only seek to destroy me more in the end. How I wish at times things would've gone correctly with people in the past.
I think this journal was well worth getting long ago. I never really liked writing by hand, so I never had a journal. But at least I can get some of my feelings out here.
I want to ask a question though...do you people think i'm conceited? Or that i talk too much and don't listen enough? I'm kinda worried that my socialization abilities have went through the basement floor...I know I used to be likeable, but I'm not sure anymore...or maybe I just let certain people's words get to me too much...I don't know.
Bleh.
