Consumer Junk
May. 16th, 2015 12:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorI've been wearing basically the same clothes for a few years now - and actually, part of my wardrobe still consists of band t-shirts and such that I wore all the way back in my years of university. Granted, I've always had jobs where nice clothes were simply out of the question. But, I figured it was about time I put some effort in.
So I ordered a couple pairs of cargo pants (military camo and beige) (34W (I'm really a 32) 36L - normally I would wear a 34/34, but I find sometimes those look like high-water pants on me - really depends on the manufacturer, but I'd rather they be longer than short.) A pair of jeans in the same size, and a few shirts (all large, tall style - I can wear a medium but they don't fit right in the shoulders. I like how XL hangs on me, but my chest is too small to really accomodate them.) This'll be the first color I really have in my wardrobe - a horizontal striped dark blue/red shirt, and a horizontal striped dark blue shirt, plus a black polo (I've never worn a polo, we'll see how this goes) and two more plain gray patterned shirts. These will work for "semi-dressy" and I think the polo definitely will. They aren't quite business casual but they'd work for an interview, I reckon. I can always buy khakis/pleated pants and some button-up collar shirts later.
To answer the obvious question, "Why didn't you go and shop around some stores?" The answer is a resounding, "Because there aren't any real stores around here." My choice, locally, is Wal-Mart essentially, and if I want to drive an hour, I can have access to a couple more stores. The pricing won't be better than what it is online, and shipping is typically cheaper than the cost in gasoline and time spent. There's also the style issue - I can find much better styles online than what I can around here. Style here is driven by demand, and for men (and arguably women) style tends to suck. American styles in general, even skimming online, seem terribly boring compared to Asian or European styles. I've also read that US sizes and tailoring tends to be very bad for tall men. This probably explains why shirts hardly ever fit me - if I need length, typically I have to wear an XL, which then makes me look like a child in an adult's shirt. This is also why I ordered those shirts as large tall-fit. Never had a shirt that was a tall-fit - we will see how it goes.
I did spend a decent amount of money doing this, but given that 95% of my wardrobe has been Christmas and birthday gifts for years (since no one has any clue what else I like) it's a WELL overdue expenditure. If I like the sizing of the pants, I can buy a few more pairs because I have some bonus cash from Old Navy now. If I have to hem them up a bit, I will.
I also splurged a bit and bought a mechanical keyboard (I learned to type on these, and I still type "hard", so I think it will hold up better) and a backup ergonomic mouse for when this one inevitably decides to die on me. I'd been meaning to get some plain black studs as well, and grabbed a pair of really neat dragon print hoops: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0057LZ3CM/ref=pe_385040_128020140_TE_3p_dp_1
On the amazon order, I also grabbed a cheap pair of spring-steel grip strengtheners, to replace the hand-me-down, ancient, lost pair, and a speed jump rope for a different kind of stationary cardio.
Last i checked a couple months ago, two of my piercings in each ear were still open. I'm hoping I can get the third open as well. I haven't worn earrings in years, ever since I left for Alaska and returned - taking them out for good had something to do with me feeling like I needed to "fit in", but I've been realizing that there's something terribly wrong with the idea of me feeling shameful for being who I am, or denying my real self to show through. That is a multi-level statement, too - for years I've felt shameful and disgraceful for being somewhat reserved, shy, and introspective - I think a big part of my social anxiety stems from that shame. But there's nothing inherently wrong with being who I am, and trying to forcefully resist it/negative self talk because of it, doesn't serve any good whatsoever. I'm better off embracing who I am. The other stuff will come in time, if it's meant to. I'm much more open and welcoming if I'm not anxious about appearing shy...and there's a bit of irony there, I think. It's almost as if it's a downward spiral/catch 22 - if I'm right about this, the anxiety and shame over being naturally introspective begets more anxiety. I need to stop worrying about what people think about who I am or how I appear (and thinking that I can control those other people and their opinions/thoughts) and focus on just being.
I seem to be getting my eating habits in order as well - I'm eating an amount which seems right for a man of my size and given my exercise habits, and that's awesome. I've always...ALWAYS had problems eating enough. If I can turn this into a habit, I think I'm setting a proper course into my future.
I am now seriously considering SNHU online for a bachelors in psychology and possibly English. It should only cost me somewhere between 10-15,000 to get one of those bachelors, given I have two years under my belt already. Once I have a bachelors, that will open up doors to graduate schools, or just some entry-level office position around here, or maybe even something more interesting. I'd like to learn a modern coding language as well, and that I -don't- have to pay for. This is simply the most efficient use of my savings - going off to live on campus somewhere else sounds interesting and all, but it would only work with a very large financial aid package (consisting primarily of grants) and I can't get guarantees on that front without committing heavily to a given school. I can't let the dysfunctional higher education system destroy what I worked so hard for...and that's that.
So I ordered a couple pairs of cargo pants (military camo and beige) (34W (I'm really a 32) 36L - normally I would wear a 34/34, but I find sometimes those look like high-water pants on me - really depends on the manufacturer, but I'd rather they be longer than short.) A pair of jeans in the same size, and a few shirts (all large, tall style - I can wear a medium but they don't fit right in the shoulders. I like how XL hangs on me, but my chest is too small to really accomodate them.) This'll be the first color I really have in my wardrobe - a horizontal striped dark blue/red shirt, and a horizontal striped dark blue shirt, plus a black polo (I've never worn a polo, we'll see how this goes) and two more plain gray patterned shirts. These will work for "semi-dressy" and I think the polo definitely will. They aren't quite business casual but they'd work for an interview, I reckon. I can always buy khakis/pleated pants and some button-up collar shirts later.
To answer the obvious question, "Why didn't you go and shop around some stores?" The answer is a resounding, "Because there aren't any real stores around here." My choice, locally, is Wal-Mart essentially, and if I want to drive an hour, I can have access to a couple more stores. The pricing won't be better than what it is online, and shipping is typically cheaper than the cost in gasoline and time spent. There's also the style issue - I can find much better styles online than what I can around here. Style here is driven by demand, and for men (and arguably women) style tends to suck. American styles in general, even skimming online, seem terribly boring compared to Asian or European styles. I've also read that US sizes and tailoring tends to be very bad for tall men. This probably explains why shirts hardly ever fit me - if I need length, typically I have to wear an XL, which then makes me look like a child in an adult's shirt. This is also why I ordered those shirts as large tall-fit. Never had a shirt that was a tall-fit - we will see how it goes.
I did spend a decent amount of money doing this, but given that 95% of my wardrobe has been Christmas and birthday gifts for years (since no one has any clue what else I like) it's a WELL overdue expenditure. If I like the sizing of the pants, I can buy a few more pairs because I have some bonus cash from Old Navy now. If I have to hem them up a bit, I will.
I also splurged a bit and bought a mechanical keyboard (I learned to type on these, and I still type "hard", so I think it will hold up better) and a backup ergonomic mouse for when this one inevitably decides to die on me. I'd been meaning to get some plain black studs as well, and grabbed a pair of really neat dragon print hoops: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0057LZ3CM/ref=pe_385040_128020140_TE_3p_dp_1
On the amazon order, I also grabbed a cheap pair of spring-steel grip strengtheners, to replace the hand-me-down, ancient, lost pair, and a speed jump rope for a different kind of stationary cardio.
Last i checked a couple months ago, two of my piercings in each ear were still open. I'm hoping I can get the third open as well. I haven't worn earrings in years, ever since I left for Alaska and returned - taking them out for good had something to do with me feeling like I needed to "fit in", but I've been realizing that there's something terribly wrong with the idea of me feeling shameful for being who I am, or denying my real self to show through. That is a multi-level statement, too - for years I've felt shameful and disgraceful for being somewhat reserved, shy, and introspective - I think a big part of my social anxiety stems from that shame. But there's nothing inherently wrong with being who I am, and trying to forcefully resist it/negative self talk because of it, doesn't serve any good whatsoever. I'm better off embracing who I am. The other stuff will come in time, if it's meant to. I'm much more open and welcoming if I'm not anxious about appearing shy...and there's a bit of irony there, I think. It's almost as if it's a downward spiral/catch 22 - if I'm right about this, the anxiety and shame over being naturally introspective begets more anxiety. I need to stop worrying about what people think about who I am or how I appear (and thinking that I can control those other people and their opinions/thoughts) and focus on just being.
I seem to be getting my eating habits in order as well - I'm eating an amount which seems right for a man of my size and given my exercise habits, and that's awesome. I've always...ALWAYS had problems eating enough. If I can turn this into a habit, I think I'm setting a proper course into my future.
I am now seriously considering SNHU online for a bachelors in psychology and possibly English. It should only cost me somewhere between 10-15,000 to get one of those bachelors, given I have two years under my belt already. Once I have a bachelors, that will open up doors to graduate schools, or just some entry-level office position around here, or maybe even something more interesting. I'd like to learn a modern coding language as well, and that I -don't- have to pay for. This is simply the most efficient use of my savings - going off to live on campus somewhere else sounds interesting and all, but it would only work with a very large financial aid package (consisting primarily of grants) and I can't get guarantees on that front without committing heavily to a given school. I can't let the dysfunctional higher education system destroy what I worked so hard for...and that's that.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2015-05-16 07:28 pm (UTC)Oh, do I hear you about 'nowhere to shop'! I won't shop at Mal-Wart; Costco has nothing to interest me; J.C. Penney's is old-lady clothes and Ross is.... uh... well, frankly, Ross is what I think of as drag-queen clothing: "cRoss dress for less". The fashionable boutiques have lovely but heavily over-priced items for the kind of lifestyle I have NO intention of ever leading again: I window shop; I'm sometimes tempted, but... where would I wear that stuff? I already have a whole closet full of skirts, blouses and blazers that I haven't even tried on for five years or more, because my extremely-country life is lived in jeans, tank-tops and Polarfleece jackets.
I hate shopping, anyway. Hate, hate, hate! My idea of Hell On Earth used to be going to the Mall with my mother and my daughter for the after-Thanksgiving or after-Xmas sales: aaauuuggghhh!!! (I got smart early on, and let them go do those trips without me.) If I had some reason to return to the groves of Academe, I would do just as you, and shop online.
Woot, I really like the dragon hoops you've ordered! Lots of young men wear such earrings these days, even in small rural towns; it's not so strange - and yeah, being who you really are (even if slightly strange) is way better for your self-esteem than suppressing your individual taste out of fear of disapproval.
A book I think you'll like is Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. There are all kinds of reasons to be pleased that your nature is introspective and intellectual, and proud of the accomplishments it affords you - which will become more significant as you continue to mature.
While I'm thinking of it, a few other book recommendations:
Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer? by Dana Spears and Ron Braund
Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World by Sharon Heller
I Thought It Was Just Me (But it Isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power by Brene Brown
YAY!! for going back to college online! Once you're back in the college milieu, all kinds of opportunities will open up for you, even before you obtain your Bachelor's. As for immediate employment: have you ever considered copy-editing? Your writing is beautifully clear; you obviously have a firm grasp of the mechanics of writing, and it's work you could do entirely from home.
Do you know about Khan Academy? Check it out; it's 100% free and self-directed: a person can basically pre-audit almost any course, thus assuring a good grade when paying to take it for credit.
Yay for eating well, too! It sounds like life is going so much better for you in so many ways! *hugs hugs* Way to go, young Jedi; I'm ever so proud of you, and I hope you're proud of yourself too, because you have aplenty reason to be.
no subject
Date: 2015-05-25 03:18 am (UTC)My pants totally fit perfect which is awesome, but the shirts are a bit too long (as a bit of an update, lol.) Normally shirts are too short, these go the other direction. I guess I'll cut them shorter and hem them, or some such. And Yes! I love the earrings as well. The studs already arrived and I found out all of my piercings are still quite open, even after four years of disuse. I feel much more my self having them in.
I'll try and put those books on my list of things I need to read - they all sound right up my alley. I was reminded in a rather violent way last night just how far I've come as a person in my happiness as an introvert - and how hard it is for some people to accept that there are people in the world who don't (or can't) put up with constant socialization, constant talking, and constant stimulus barraging. I hate how some people WANT me to feel guilty for being my self - it's been the absolute, undeniable source of so many psychological issues and self hate and self damage for so many years. They want me to be someone else, someone that I'm not. It's so exhausting putting up with that. And I'm really not sure how to deal with it appropriately, but I guess that's going to have to come in time. For now I'm just going to try and forget about what those kinds of people think, and focus on what I think, and how I feel, without external manipulations.
Copy-editing does sound like my thing, and I'm really going to look into it. As for Khan academy, I haven't heard of it - but I am signed up for calculus I and a philosophy course through coursera right now, which is free as well.
Last evening was a bit of a setback on how proud I am about my self, but I guess it's inevitable somebody will try and ruin a good thing. -hugs- Thanks Jess. Hope your holiday weekend has been good.