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Dec. 16th, 2014 10:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorI don't have much to say, because what I want to write, isn't positive.
I've done the best that I can so far, with what I've had. It hasn't been all that great.
I've managed to land a job that pays around the average career wage in the United States. It has a lot of downsides. It's a toxic environment, physically and at times mentally/emotionally. It has long hours without days off at times. It rotates shifts at times. It's in an industry which I consider to be dying, and will likely be mostly dead by the time I am in my late forties and fifties. I can't see smaller refineries like this one surviving the changing energy landscape.
I've been single for two years again. I've had not even a real close encounter - meaning, I've not even come close to having even a date, let alone a relationship. Only one person was even remotely promising and that was shut down within two weeks, basically. Besides that, I've never even been in the dating game in my life. My relationships happened like magic, for whatever reason. I know nothing of courtship and it's late in my days to be as ignorant of it as I am. I don't feel that's a harsh judgment.
So, yeah. I've done the best that I can so far, with what I've had. What else can I say?
I see other people succeed in so many facets of their lives and yet I can only get one or two right. I'm not crying out in self-pity because life isn't fair (and it isn't fair) I'm simply taken-aback by the fact I can't seem to figure so many facets out. I can't seem to get them straight. I can't seem to fix so many things.
There really was a time in my life when I didn't worry about this, when I didn't make comparisons, and when I didn't really care. I can hold on to that not caring again, if I have to - but it seems to me that not caring is somehow part of the reason why I can't get the rest of these facets straight. But there again, I have tried caring as well, and that seems not to help either. Try this, try that - no success. No change. Empty promises and empty results.
If there is a God, you can at any time give me a helping hand. Because I've been trying to help myself for awhile now, and I've always heard you help those who help themselves. Well, it's not working.
I've done the best that I can so far, with what I've had. It hasn't been all that great.
I've managed to land a job that pays around the average career wage in the United States. It has a lot of downsides. It's a toxic environment, physically and at times mentally/emotionally. It has long hours without days off at times. It rotates shifts at times. It's in an industry which I consider to be dying, and will likely be mostly dead by the time I am in my late forties and fifties. I can't see smaller refineries like this one surviving the changing energy landscape.
I've been single for two years again. I've had not even a real close encounter - meaning, I've not even come close to having even a date, let alone a relationship. Only one person was even remotely promising and that was shut down within two weeks, basically. Besides that, I've never even been in the dating game in my life. My relationships happened like magic, for whatever reason. I know nothing of courtship and it's late in my days to be as ignorant of it as I am. I don't feel that's a harsh judgment.
So, yeah. I've done the best that I can so far, with what I've had. What else can I say?
I see other people succeed in so many facets of their lives and yet I can only get one or two right. I'm not crying out in self-pity because life isn't fair (and it isn't fair) I'm simply taken-aback by the fact I can't seem to figure so many facets out. I can't seem to get them straight. I can't seem to fix so many things.
There really was a time in my life when I didn't worry about this, when I didn't make comparisons, and when I didn't really care. I can hold on to that not caring again, if I have to - but it seems to me that not caring is somehow part of the reason why I can't get the rest of these facets straight. But there again, I have tried caring as well, and that seems not to help either. Try this, try that - no success. No change. Empty promises and empty results.
If there is a God, you can at any time give me a helping hand. Because I've been trying to help myself for awhile now, and I've always heard you help those who help themselves. Well, it's not working.
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Date: 2014-12-18 02:52 pm (UTC)Okay, so, you have a job that pays pretty well, but that pretty-well sucks. If you want a different job, there are steps you have to take to get one. The first step is making a choice - deciding for sure that you ARE going to get a different job - and the second is making a plan of action.
The relationship thing: sheesh, we discussed that to death over the summer. It's the same as with your job: if you want a good relationship, there are things you have to do, and so far you haven't made any firm commitment to doing them. Until you get your career un-stuck, you're not going to have the 'spoons' for a relationship anyway.
Assuming that there was a God like the Judeo-Christian concept, personally interested in your life and with power to affect it, who heard your prayer and was inclined to answer it, what kind of help are you asking for? What do you want Him to do for you?
Traditionally, y'know, the Judeo-Christian God is not interested in your life on Earth except as a preparation for your eternal Afterlife. He's not Santa who comes around to grant everyone's wish-list - when he 'helps' someone, it's by piling on the trials and tribulations until their stubborn pride is broken and they come weeping on their knees to beg salvation of Him. Therefore, unless you're prepared to devote your life to serving Him, it's useless to ask favors of YHVH.
Traditionally, the Old Gods are not big on doing favors for humans either, and when they do, the favors come with a heavy price. But again, you're not devout; you don't offer Them anything - do you? - so why would any of Them care what you want from Them?
The Pantheist viewpoint, in which God=Universe, doesn't allow for an anthropomorphic Being watching its Creation from outside, granting favors or punishments. "Thou art God", as the Martians say, along with everything else that exists. You're certainly free to grant yourself whatever favors you can manage.
One that you certainly can manage is to stop looking for supernatural help, and resolve to just do the work you have to do, while giving thanks for your life and being mindful of others. Assuming that the Gods exist in any form, They don't have to prove their existence to humans; it's humans who have to prove their worthiness to Them.
"There really was a time in my life when I didn't worry about this, when I didn't make comparisons, and when I didn't really care."
Of course there was. It's called 'childhood'. Welcome to adulthood, and no, it wouldn't help if you tried to hold on to childish things. You've fallen behind the curve on learning life-skills because you've spent your time and energy doing other things - whatever they were, whether they were worth doing or not. Now you'll have to hustle to catch up.
That means strategy, not just plodding along wishing everything could be different without any plan to make it different. A better job is not likely to come looking for you. Your relationship-issues are not going to go away until you work through them. Your physical and mental health depend on the things you do every day to maintain them. The quality of your social interactions depends on your social skills, which are learned, not innate.
You know what work you have to do. No supernatural entity is going to set aside the Law of Cause and Effect that rules the Universe so you can get what you want without doing it. Therefore, if you want to pray for something, pray for Resolve, and endeavor to manifest it.
*hugs hugs* Peace and warmth to you and yours for the holidays!