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Jul. 26th, 2014 09:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorI feel like it's completely out of the ordinary for there to be "awakened" people, if you grok what I'm saying. I'm not really sure how else to explain it - but it seems to me that most people do not function on this level, that most people do not converse on this level; their souls are dancing to a different tune all-together. That is not to say that this level is higher or lower, but I do not find most people who think in the same terms as I, who think about the same things as I do. Who connect the same ideas, who put love and compassion before all else. It seems much of the world around me seems more concerned with more material matters...entertainment...laughter...and that is fine and good, but at times I worry that I may not be much of a match, and that reduces me to more or less a permanent "outsider."
I have love and compassion, sure, but I am surrounded by very base, grotesque events and things. Last night I went to a small birthday party with Matt out an old camp road - I had a blast actually, but at the end of the night there was one girl and two very drunk (blackout) guys besides myself. This girl was getting felt up - her boyfriend was asleep - she complained about the one, but the other (Matt) she didn't seem to complain as much about - they have some sort of history, but even still. It made me painfully aware of how seemingly non-transparent life has a tendency to be. For whatever reason, male dominance is, at times, taken favorably and that concerns me precisely because I respect boundaries. If the generation I have grown up in acts this way, accepts this way, then how am I to proceed? I was concerned for a time that I might have to step in and physically protect this girl (and luckily I didn't) but it was still nonetheless a very unsettling experience for me.
I want to believe that there's others out there like me - that there is honor and good and loyalty - but I fear that my time to find these things has passed and I am now watching as my world collapses before me.
I have love and compassion, sure, but I am surrounded by very base, grotesque events and things. Last night I went to a small birthday party with Matt out an old camp road - I had a blast actually, but at the end of the night there was one girl and two very drunk (blackout) guys besides myself. This girl was getting felt up - her boyfriend was asleep - she complained about the one, but the other (Matt) she didn't seem to complain as much about - they have some sort of history, but even still. It made me painfully aware of how seemingly non-transparent life has a tendency to be. For whatever reason, male dominance is, at times, taken favorably and that concerns me precisely because I respect boundaries. If the generation I have grown up in acts this way, accepts this way, then how am I to proceed? I was concerned for a time that I might have to step in and physically protect this girl (and luckily I didn't) but it was still nonetheless a very unsettling experience for me.
I want to believe that there's others out there like me - that there is honor and good and loyalty - but I fear that my time to find these things has passed and I am now watching as my world collapses before me.
