In all the vast wisdom
Aug. 28th, 2010 07:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathorIn all the vast wisdom I've collected, I think the most important revelation that has occurred to me in my life is how meaningless the relationship between male and female really is. Because I have no desire to bring more misery into the world, children seem out of the question - we are already overpopulated, I will never convince six billion other people to stop procreating, and considering the difficulties someone like myself has had working regular jobs - being that I am capable of quite a lot more than menial task labor - I would not want to leave a legacy of such work to my next of kin. The idea of working a standard job for the rest of my life is absolutely sickening, the mind-numbing repetition of only a few already scarring me horribly. Why would I want a son, or daughter, whom I would love, to suffer such a fate as well? I wouldn't. And I won't.
Susan broke it off for the second time in two weeks today. Her inability to use rationality in her decision making is astounding. For awhile, I was convinced, both by her and my self, that it was indeed my fault - I think; however, that I was wrong.
You see, it is not my fault that her short-term urges of having some guys throbbing member in her love-hole control her life, and destroyed the possibility of this relationship. I think it's pretty fucking sad, to be honest. And I have a feeling this is pretty standard. Hell, there was a time when all I wanted was to be the guy with that throbbing member in whatever decent looking female (rather, whatever girl I was dating at the time - I don't believe in promiscuity really.)
The fact is, I've lost my desire for it. I don't really care anymore. It is not representative of any kind of concept of "love." It's a fucking biological "urge" that I have destroyed. In fact, I think I've managed some kind of enlightenment here. I just don't care anymore. Women - in the sense that they are sex objects, or to be wives, or girlfriends, or lovers or any of that bullshit - no longer exist to me. They no longer have any power over me and no longer hold any sway over my decision making process. I, quite simply, have ceased to care about the status it grants (or appears to grant socially.) I have stopped believing that it adds any value to me as a human being to be in a relationship, because it doesn't. I have stopped believing having children adds any value to me as a human being, because it doesn't. I have stopped believing that having sex will increase my quality of life, because it never has.
Indeed, I may have some facial scarring I'm not proud of, I may not be a stand-out member of the male sex, physically or even mentally or socially, or economically. But none of that matters, either. I do, actually, have a number of talents most people can't begin to grasp or comprehend, and that's enough for me. I'm satisfied with who I am as a human being - morally, intellectually, emotionally. That's a first. I've never had that in my entire life.
And while I imagine I will have my dark points, I think this really sets a new stage.
It feels good to be free, and to honestly know that I am in full control of my destiny.
Susan broke it off for the second time in two weeks today. Her inability to use rationality in her decision making is astounding. For awhile, I was convinced, both by her and my self, that it was indeed my fault - I think; however, that I was wrong.
You see, it is not my fault that her short-term urges of having some guys throbbing member in her love-hole control her life, and destroyed the possibility of this relationship. I think it's pretty fucking sad, to be honest. And I have a feeling this is pretty standard. Hell, there was a time when all I wanted was to be the guy with that throbbing member in whatever decent looking female (rather, whatever girl I was dating at the time - I don't believe in promiscuity really.)
The fact is, I've lost my desire for it. I don't really care anymore. It is not representative of any kind of concept of "love." It's a fucking biological "urge" that I have destroyed. In fact, I think I've managed some kind of enlightenment here. I just don't care anymore. Women - in the sense that they are sex objects, or to be wives, or girlfriends, or lovers or any of that bullshit - no longer exist to me. They no longer have any power over me and no longer hold any sway over my decision making process. I, quite simply, have ceased to care about the status it grants (or appears to grant socially.) I have stopped believing that it adds any value to me as a human being to be in a relationship, because it doesn't. I have stopped believing having children adds any value to me as a human being, because it doesn't. I have stopped believing that having sex will increase my quality of life, because it never has.
Indeed, I may have some facial scarring I'm not proud of, I may not be a stand-out member of the male sex, physically or even mentally or socially, or economically. But none of that matters, either. I do, actually, have a number of talents most people can't begin to grasp or comprehend, and that's enough for me. I'm satisfied with who I am as a human being - morally, intellectually, emotionally. That's a first. I've never had that in my entire life.
And while I imagine I will have my dark points, I think this really sets a new stage.
It feels good to be free, and to honestly know that I am in full control of my destiny.
