Pittsburgh and Etc.
Apr. 19th, 2010 01:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sathor Went back to Pittsburgh for another weekend. Really love it down there. I was going to take The Mystical Qabalah by Dion Fortune to read but I forgot it, along with a few another things I really wanted to take. But that's alright.
The first night we pretty much just chilled out and had a lot of conversations. Justin showed me some FFXIII which is an incredible looking game, by the way. Matt quit his job and came back to the apartment early (lol!) but didn't hang out much because his g/f came over later. I got to know Steve a bit better though which was pretty cool. He was a multimedia major (mostly video/3D design and rendering) and he showed me a few of his projects. Very cool stuff. I let him know if he needed music to just give me a holler sometime.
Second night we all chilled out and drank a -lot-. Jabba came over and had some smoke...that ended my night pretty brutally. I had drank too much to even attempt and I knew that, but I did it anyway just because it was a night worth doing so. I had about fifteen minutes of what amounted to a psychedelic, transcendental experience and then I puked my guts out - that'll learn me. To the floor I went after that, pillow and blanket in tow.
Steve is the one with the ship out date to basic in August. Working at Walmart for about a year and I guess just fed up with it - he echoed my own personal feelings about it all "I'd rather be dead than working jobs I hate for the rest of my life instead of doing what I want to do." Multimedia just as hard to break into as music scoring for games/movies/tv shows, or even just to sell albums. He did well in college but it hardly makes any difference whatsoever - but he was guaranteed an MOS that would utilize his training, apparently the Army has cameramen and studio techs. Interesting stuff. I really was surprised he felt the same way I did. My main motivation for joining up was a partial death sentence and just not wanting to do stupid -bullshit- anymore that has absolutely nothing to do with what I love or what I studied in college. Everyone says network network? Fuck off, as far as I'm concerned. I don't NETWORK. I don't USE PEOPLE as MEANS to an END. If that means I'm the one that gets stepped on and never goes anywhere, so be it. Merit is the only thing that I want to carry me. Blood, sweat, tears. Not relationships with people - that's absolutely ridiculous and it's probably a major reason why it's so fucking HARD to get a job in especially art fields. Everyone is a musician and a cameraman and a video editor now - that doesn't mean they've put the time in to be good at it. So friends get calls before people start looking for real talent.
Not saying I have any of course. It's not as though I'm a genius or anything - if I were, I wouldn't be here would I? But I must echo my prior feelings on this and state that there's really not too many individuals out there like my self, who have the knowledge sets that I do, and who have the time put in like I do in certain areas. My professors knew my work, had the capacity to compare it to hundreds, thousands, possibly tens of thousands of prior students...thinking back, I trust the few in their opinion that I am a genius, and I have to believe that I will do great things regardless of who I know. I don't care about who I know. I care about -doing great things-. I don't give a flying fuck about my reference sheet and I never have. If I were an interviewer, I'd be more concerned about how they respond to questions, their vernacular, their critical thinking skills. If what makes or breaks a person is talking to a former boss that hardly had any relationship with them at all, I don't want anything to do with that section of reality. In that world, it's all about how people -see- you, it's not about -who you really are-. Appearances are illusions, I've been fooled by enough people to know, and I know how easy it is to put on a face that isn't your own at all. I know college writing for most people is 90% bullshit 10% content. That is not valuable knowledge. I know how people talk themselves up on resumes and applications. I know how they talk themselves up in interviews. I know how people bullshit, and I know it works some of the time. But I don't do that, and I never will. Your merit is not determined by how well you talk about yourself, how big your bank account is, how nice of a car you drive...it's not how expensive that suit you wear is, or the jewelry on your wrists and in your ears, or how expensive your haircut was. It's not what college you fucking went to, I don't care if you went to Harvard - why do you think so many of the very renown authors dropped out after a couple years? It's because there's a difference between someone who does, someone who can push themselves and someone who needs to be pushed and who needs to be directed, who needs to be /lead/. There's a difference between /those who socialize and those who do/. Watch some documentaries on monkeys and apes, and pay attention to which ones are the most intelligent and talented. I can tell you right now it's not the ones who are busy socializing all the time - it's the ones who are busy solving problems and actually producing something of value, practicing skills they've taught themselves or learned from their tight-knit, small communities. The most unintelligible primates are the /most/ social. And you know what? I'm -autodidactic- and I -know- it. I never realized before how /hard/ it is for most people to teach themselves something new, but over time the amazement people have over the fact I've taught myself what I have musically, and furthermore in religion and philosophy says a lot.
There's a difference between leaders and followers and I will tell you right now, I believe that once there's a hammer they use it on every nail, and the fact that a bachelor's degree is what a high school degree was a number of years ago is not a sign that /I/ should have a bachelor's degree, it's a sign that, being a /superior/ individual, I should be determining what I learn and what I don't waste my fucking time on. I believe that if nearly everyone gets a bachelor's degree, guess what - the rule that people who are /different/ are perceived as more intelligent will hold true. If everyone is getting one, chances are the most influential, earth-shattering individuals WON'T. Because /most people aren't that at all/ they're /rather normal/. Do I want to go to college where all of the normal people are? Not really.
When I was in public school for my entire life, I was always ahead of the game intellectually, always bored out of my mind. I didn't have to push myself because there was nowhere to go, I was barely trying and pulling As, and that's the way it always was. When I was in college, it was the same exact story only the workload was much more time consuming to complete. I can only expect the non-paying workload to further increase, and the amount of money i promise to pay back to increase as well and for what? A supposed golden key to a better income.
Well maybe I'd rather suffer than take the easy way out. Maybe I'd rather try my luck on merit instead of making myself look like I'm worth something, when really I've just been getting the same spoon-fed knowledge as everyone else.
Maybe eventually I will go back, but I think I need some more time out of that system, away from it, so I can push my self to my limits. I can't expect college to do that.
Rant, rant.
The first night we pretty much just chilled out and had a lot of conversations. Justin showed me some FFXIII which is an incredible looking game, by the way. Matt quit his job and came back to the apartment early (lol!) but didn't hang out much because his g/f came over later. I got to know Steve a bit better though which was pretty cool. He was a multimedia major (mostly video/3D design and rendering) and he showed me a few of his projects. Very cool stuff. I let him know if he needed music to just give me a holler sometime.
Second night we all chilled out and drank a -lot-. Jabba came over and had some smoke...that ended my night pretty brutally. I had drank too much to even attempt and I knew that, but I did it anyway just because it was a night worth doing so. I had about fifteen minutes of what amounted to a psychedelic, transcendental experience and then I puked my guts out - that'll learn me. To the floor I went after that, pillow and blanket in tow.
Steve is the one with the ship out date to basic in August. Working at Walmart for about a year and I guess just fed up with it - he echoed my own personal feelings about it all "I'd rather be dead than working jobs I hate for the rest of my life instead of doing what I want to do." Multimedia just as hard to break into as music scoring for games/movies/tv shows, or even just to sell albums. He did well in college but it hardly makes any difference whatsoever - but he was guaranteed an MOS that would utilize his training, apparently the Army has cameramen and studio techs. Interesting stuff. I really was surprised he felt the same way I did. My main motivation for joining up was a partial death sentence and just not wanting to do stupid -bullshit- anymore that has absolutely nothing to do with what I love or what I studied in college. Everyone says network network? Fuck off, as far as I'm concerned. I don't NETWORK. I don't USE PEOPLE as MEANS to an END. If that means I'm the one that gets stepped on and never goes anywhere, so be it. Merit is the only thing that I want to carry me. Blood, sweat, tears. Not relationships with people - that's absolutely ridiculous and it's probably a major reason why it's so fucking HARD to get a job in especially art fields. Everyone is a musician and a cameraman and a video editor now - that doesn't mean they've put the time in to be good at it. So friends get calls before people start looking for real talent.
Not saying I have any of course. It's not as though I'm a genius or anything - if I were, I wouldn't be here would I? But I must echo my prior feelings on this and state that there's really not too many individuals out there like my self, who have the knowledge sets that I do, and who have the time put in like I do in certain areas. My professors knew my work, had the capacity to compare it to hundreds, thousands, possibly tens of thousands of prior students...thinking back, I trust the few in their opinion that I am a genius, and I have to believe that I will do great things regardless of who I know. I don't care about who I know. I care about -doing great things-. I don't give a flying fuck about my reference sheet and I never have. If I were an interviewer, I'd be more concerned about how they respond to questions, their vernacular, their critical thinking skills. If what makes or breaks a person is talking to a former boss that hardly had any relationship with them at all, I don't want anything to do with that section of reality. In that world, it's all about how people -see- you, it's not about -who you really are-. Appearances are illusions, I've been fooled by enough people to know, and I know how easy it is to put on a face that isn't your own at all. I know college writing for most people is 90% bullshit 10% content. That is not valuable knowledge. I know how people talk themselves up on resumes and applications. I know how they talk themselves up in interviews. I know how people bullshit, and I know it works some of the time. But I don't do that, and I never will. Your merit is not determined by how well you talk about yourself, how big your bank account is, how nice of a car you drive...it's not how expensive that suit you wear is, or the jewelry on your wrists and in your ears, or how expensive your haircut was. It's not what college you fucking went to, I don't care if you went to Harvard - why do you think so many of the very renown authors dropped out after a couple years? It's because there's a difference between someone who does, someone who can push themselves and someone who needs to be pushed and who needs to be directed, who needs to be /lead/. There's a difference between /those who socialize and those who do/. Watch some documentaries on monkeys and apes, and pay attention to which ones are the most intelligent and talented. I can tell you right now it's not the ones who are busy socializing all the time - it's the ones who are busy solving problems and actually producing something of value, practicing skills they've taught themselves or learned from their tight-knit, small communities. The most unintelligible primates are the /most/ social. And you know what? I'm -autodidactic- and I -know- it. I never realized before how /hard/ it is for most people to teach themselves something new, but over time the amazement people have over the fact I've taught myself what I have musically, and furthermore in religion and philosophy says a lot.
There's a difference between leaders and followers and I will tell you right now, I believe that once there's a hammer they use it on every nail, and the fact that a bachelor's degree is what a high school degree was a number of years ago is not a sign that /I/ should have a bachelor's degree, it's a sign that, being a /superior/ individual, I should be determining what I learn and what I don't waste my fucking time on. I believe that if nearly everyone gets a bachelor's degree, guess what - the rule that people who are /different/ are perceived as more intelligent will hold true. If everyone is getting one, chances are the most influential, earth-shattering individuals WON'T. Because /most people aren't that at all/ they're /rather normal/. Do I want to go to college where all of the normal people are? Not really.
When I was in public school for my entire life, I was always ahead of the game intellectually, always bored out of my mind. I didn't have to push myself because there was nowhere to go, I was barely trying and pulling As, and that's the way it always was. When I was in college, it was the same exact story only the workload was much more time consuming to complete. I can only expect the non-paying workload to further increase, and the amount of money i promise to pay back to increase as well and for what? A supposed golden key to a better income.
Well maybe I'd rather suffer than take the easy way out. Maybe I'd rather try my luck on merit instead of making myself look like I'm worth something, when really I've just been getting the same spoon-fed knowledge as everyone else.
Maybe eventually I will go back, but I think I need some more time out of that system, away from it, so I can push my self to my limits. I can't expect college to do that.
Rant, rant.
